50 Latest Hot Weird Crazy Jokes added:



I hate visiting the stables with my wife.
All it is is nag, nag, nag.

- Random bonus weird joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • What’s green, fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?
    A pool table.

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  • “We don't lick people!”
    - Lies adults tell kids

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  • A thief broke into an Eye doctor's clinic. A private eye is on the case!

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  • I used to date a lovely one armed girl who worked at the local cinema as an usher before she dumped me...

    I still carry a torch for her.

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  • No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.

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  • I met an amazing sniper with dialectical view of social transformation...

    He was the greatest Marxman I ever knew!

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  • Somedays you have nothing left in the right side of your brain....and nothing right with the left.

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  • How am I supposed to believe humans are the dominant species when a spider is over here building a house with their butthole.

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  • Good news: I can still do a full split!
    Bad news: It wasn't on purpose.

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  • Just got sacked from my job as a zookeeper! Thought it a bit harsh. The signs said 'Don't feed the animals'
    So I didn't.

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  • Me on security.

    "There's a member of staff dancing naked in the canteen."

    Control Room, "Copy that."

    Me, "I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer."

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  • Thursday doesn't even count as a day, it's just the thing that's blocking Friday.

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  • Big shout out to my arms....for always being at my side.

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  • Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.

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  • If you crush a cockroach you're a hero but when you crush a butterfly you become villain in eyes of everyone.
    Means rabbles' morals have aesthetic values.

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  • I answered the door, and a 6-ft beetle punched me in the face and called me fat. Apparently, there's a nasty bug going around.

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  • A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

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  • Q: What do you get when you cross a pirate with a pedophile?
    A: Arrrrrr Kelly.

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  • I lost my voice today.
    Can't tell you how annoying it is.

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  • I dunno who needs to know this but Lego blocks are bad for the sole.

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  • Medical insurance doesn’t cover everything. Neither do hospital gowns.

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  • 2 cannibals eating a guy.
    1 starts at the head, the other starts at the feet.
    The one at the head asks the other one,
    "How ya doing down there?"
    "Oh, I'm havin a ball."
    "Slow down, you're eating too fast."

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  • I live alone and I'm looking for a microwave that doesn't beep so loud, letting everyone else know that I'm eating again.

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  • Please God take me back to being 12 and let me start again and mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.

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  • Did you hear about the couple who left a radical religious cult because it had strayed too far away from the scriptures?
    The cut the unbiblical cord.

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  • Strip poker sounds more like instructions than a card game.

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  • Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.

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  • - 8 out of 10 people don't know a synonym for flooding.
    - Freak waters?
    - No, four-fifths.

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  • Don't worry kids, being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

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  • Personally, I think failure should be an option.

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  • What do a small pair of underpants and a small dancefloor have in common?
    No ballroom.

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  • There's a village in Europe that's still ruled by noblemen.
    It's the final count town.

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  • What does a bee use to put out the fire?
    Fire extsinguisher.

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  • I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status, it reminds me of somebody I used to know.

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  • On the weekends I work at a farm shoveling horse poop. It doesn’t pay much, but hay, it’s a stable job.

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  • When I lost nearly all my fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the surgeon and doctors if I could still write with it?….. they said, “ probably, but I wouldn’t count on it “ ….

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  • I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now.
    Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.

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  • This girl I’m seeing texted me a photo of one of her bum cheeks.
    I thought, that’s a bit half-arsed.

    * * * * *


  • What’s green, fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?
    A pool table.

    * * * * *


  • What do you call an insect with a perm?
    A frisbee.

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  • Is a ‘Youthful Offender’ One Who Needs A ‘Minor Adjustment’ ?!?!?

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  • Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.

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  • I lost my job at the hospital for stealing a neck brace but at least I can still hold my head up high.

    * * * * *


  • All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle.
    I just never had the balls to do it.

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  • Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.

    * * * * *


  • I was washing my car with my son...
    ...after a while my son said to me "Why can't we just use a sponge?"

    * * * * *


  • I should be ashamed of myself.
    Lets be clear, I'm not.
    But I should be.

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  • Shag" is a funny word isn’t it?
    To a smoker it’s tobacco, to an American it’s a dance, to an ornithologist it’s a bird and to me it’s a remote possibility.

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  • How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.

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  • A pharmacist comes back from lunch break and as he approaches the pharmacy, he sees a man outside the pharmacy clutching onto a pole for dear life, barely breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen. The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier with a cough?"Yes he was." Replies the assistant. "He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help." "Well, he seems to be fine now." "Sure he does. I gave him a box of laxatives. Now he won't dare cough!"

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