50 Latest Hot Weird Crazy Groaners:



I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.

- Random starter weird groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • My kids were fighting over which one of them gets to eat the last slice of pizza.
    I ran over, knocked them both aside and devoured it myself.
    Felt it was my duty to keep the piece.

    * * * * *


  • What do you call a broken escalator ?
    Stairs

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  • Did you know the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?

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  • Heard that burglars used a potato to smash a window and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.

    * * * * *


  • So I went into Gregg's the bakers today and bought a sausage roll.
    The lady behind the counter said: "Would you like me to put it in the microwave for you love?"
    I said: "Yes please".
    So she followed me home...

    * * * * *



  • I took a shower this morning. My kleptomania is officially out of control.

    * * * * *


  • My husband's been hanging out at the gym.
    I told him to wear bigger short.

    * * * * *


  • If you think I wear overalls due to laziness, you really have no idea how often I have to pee.

    * * * * *


  • Broke a nail sleeping if you are wondering what a badass I am.

    * * * * *


  • The woman opposite called me a pervert earlier. I don't know why. Knowing she likes bird watching I asked her if she'd like to come over and have a look at my twelve finches.

    * * * * *


  • Relationship status? Sleeping like a starfish in the middle of a king size bed.

    * * * * *


  • You can’t force people to like you, but you sure can stop giving a fuck about it.

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  • Tried to read the dictionary in bed last night...

    Didn't finish it...

    Got up to P.

    * * * * *


  • When I asked the plastic surgeon to make my face more symmetrical I was really hoping for vertically.

    * * * * *


  • FUN Fact:
    A male ladybird can spend up to four hours mating with a dead female before realizing they are dead.

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  • Just finished reading a book on sexual disorders, It had a surprising Climax.

    * * * * *


  • So the birds have sex with the bees and then the birds head pops off? That’s how my dad explained it.

    * * * * *


  • I can count the number of times Ive been to Chernobyl on one hand.

    Its 13.

    * * * * *


  • I bought a grenade today from a pawn shop.
    Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked for my PIN.

    * * * * *


  • My problem most days is my fucks run out before the hours do.

    * * * * *


  • I tried to cancel my membership to The Bondage Club.
    Legally I couldn't, my hands were tied.

    * * * * *


  • How warm is a baby just before their birth?
    Womb temperature.

    * * * * *


  • How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
    A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.’

    * * * * *


  • I just saw a very angry man jogging across a paddock.

    I think he's one of those cross-country runners.

    * * * * *


  • You’re kinda pretty.

    Wanna see my basement pit?

    * * * * *


  • What are kidnappers favorite shoes?

    White vans.

    * * * * *


  • If you take all of the arteries, veins, and capillaries in a human body and lay them end to end they will extend over 10,000 miles!

    Also, it will definitely kill you!

    * * * * *


  • Last night our friend Tom dropped his trousers at the dry cleaners.

    From there it was a brief ride to the police station…

    * * * * *


  • Surprise fire drill at the urology office today scared the piss out of everyone.

    * * * * *


  • Friday night and im about to hit the gym!
    Sorry typo, I meant gin.

    * * * * *


  • Ever wondered why skeletons are so calm?
    Prolly because nothing gets under their skin.

    * * * * *


  • Officer, why do you say "full body cavity search" like it's a bad thing?

    * * * * *


  • me: is it weird to talk to yourself?
    me: No.

    * * * * *


  • “You’ll be in my thoughts”

    - People who will not have you in their thoughts

    * * * * *


  • Phoned an insurance company for a quote, they said “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

    * * * * *


  • When people ask why I have a plastic bag in my coat pocket, I tell them that it’s in case I need to pick up poop. I never tell them that I have a dog, though. They don’t need that kind of detail.

    * * * * *


  • Whenever I meet a girl with tattoos, I get excited.
    Because I know she's legal, and willing to do stuff she may regret.

    * * * * *


  • Won the Postman of the Year competition - absolutely mailed it! Now, I'll be expecting a far bigger post.

    * * * * *


  • We have. Double door refrigerator. On the left side we keep the leftovers. Wanna guess what we keep on the right side?

    * * * * *


  • "A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears."
    - Montaigne

    * * * * *


  • I just wrote a song titled "Sperm"...

    I'm going to release it myself.

    * * * * *


  • - “Sorry, I’m running late. My chiropractor is about to try out some new back stretching techniques on me.”
    - “Will you be much longer?”
    - “No, just a couple of millimetres.”

    * * * * *


  • I have a bumper sticker on my car saying "honk if you think I'm sexy."

    Some days I just sit at a green light until I'm feeling good about myself.

    * * * * *


  • Give gift certificates for colonoscopies.
    They’re gifts from the bottom of your heart to the heart of someone’s bottom.

    * * * * *


  • I am such a loser.
    The last time I won anything I was still a sperm.

    * * * * *


  • Why does everyone assume that just because I’m a 40 year old loser that I live in my parent’s basement?
    My parents don’t have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.

    * * * * *


  • You can call me a loser all you want but I know I'm a winner. Always have been one. Never lost a thing.
    Not even my virginity.

    * * * * *


  • Someone: describe your sex life in two words.

    Me: my what?

    * * * * *


  • I wanted to be a Flasher until I found out they don't get paid!
    They just do it for the Exposure?!?

    * * * * *


  • I just bought two fish and called one one and the other two...
    When one dies I'll still have two.

    * * * * *