Hilarious jokes about BOSSes that will make your day 🤪!



My boss said to me: "Why do you come out in a rash when I give you your wages?"
I said: "It's because I'm allergic to peanuts!" 😐

- Random starter bossy groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • Told my boss I wouldn't be coming into work as I had been told to take it easy.
    He asked, "Who told you that, your doctor?"

    "No," I said, "The Eagles".

    * * * * *


  • I had a boss who was bald. He told me, “The Lord made millions and millions of heads and those he didn’t like he covered up.”

    * * * * *


  • I asked my boss "What do you want me to do with this 6 metre roll of bubble wrap?"
    He replied, "Just pop it in the corner".
    4 hours it took me!

    * * * * *


  • My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together

    I totally nailed it 🔨

    * * * * *


  • A hockey player lost his job at the bank. His boss caught him cross-checking.

    * * * * *



  • A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas. "Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" Kid says, "$101,237.64." Boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"
    Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
    Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing"

    * * * * *


  • My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together

    I totally nailed it 🔨

    * * * * *


  • My boss told me to stop shortening his name to Dick.
    I guess it’s because his name is Matthew. 👨‍💼

    * * * * *


  • Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
    “We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
    “Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!” 😎

    * * * * *


  • Boss: I pay you just enough so you don't quit.
    Me: I work just enough so you don't fire me.

    * * * * *


  • A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
    The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, I have to take your temperature.
    After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
    No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer. This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.
    After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!
    She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.....
    After about 20 minutes, the man's doctor came into the room. What's going on here? asked the doctor.
    Angrily, the man answered, What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?
    After a pause, the doctor confessed..... Not with a Daffodil.

    * * * * *


  • I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day. Luckily my boss suggested we just wipe the slate clean.

    * * * * *


  • The gay crime boss surprised everyone by announcing he was going straight.

    * * * * *


  • Boss to employees: ‘We will continue to have these meetings every single day until I work out why no work is being done’!

    * * * * *


  • My boss is very easygoing. He told me not to think of him as the boss, rather, think of him as a friend who is never wrong.”

    * * * * *


  • My boss fired me for being on Twitter at work
    I don't think he understands how a social media manager works...

    * * * * *


  • I quit my job at McDonald’s today...
    Boss was a clown.

    * * * * *


  • 💓 _*Joke of the day !*_

    A boss has to interview 4 girls for a secretary position. He asked the same question to each one of them.

    Boss : "A woman normally has lips in 2 different places. What's the difference between the two ?"

    First Girl : "One is hairy, the other isn't."
    Boss : "OK... good !"

    Second Girl : "One can talk but the other can't."
    Boss : "That's better !"

    Third Girl : "One is vertical & the other is horizontal."
    Boss : "Hmm.. clever !"

    Last Girl : "One is for me & the other is for my Boss."
    Boss : "You are hired... !"

    * * * * *


  • Me: Boss, I can't come in tomorrow cause I have "Anal Blindness".
    Boss: WTF is this? Me: It's when I can't see my ass coming to work!

    * * * * *


  • Told my boss I wouldn't be coming into work as I had been told to take it easy.
    He asked, "Who told you that, your doctor?"

    "No," I said, "The Eagles".

    * * * * *


  • A bossy man goes into a bar.
    He orders everyone a round.

    * * * * *


  • This should be posted in every school or kid's bedroom. (11) RULES KIDS WILL NOT LEARN IN SCHOOL.
    *Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
    *Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
    *Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
    *Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
    ... *Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
    *Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. *Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you think you are: So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
    *Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HASN'T. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
    *Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF -that's for your own time.
    *Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. *Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one! ~Most recent rendition written by Charles J. Sykes... So if you can read this... Thank a Teacher. If you can read this in English... Thank a Soldier! And for life and everything else you have... Thank God & your parents!! Now.... think about this and smile and feel free to repost if you choose!

    * * * * *


  • My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

    I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”

    * * * * *


  • A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
    "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
    The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
    The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
    The next day grandpa died.
    The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
    A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
    "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
    The next day the grandmother died.
    "Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
    Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
    He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
    He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
    He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
    When he got home his wife said,
    "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
    He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
    She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting.

    * * * * *


  • Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    The boss snuck out early,
    so I left too.

    * * * * *


  • shepherd: i love my job
    🐑: all you do is boss me around
    shepherd: what did you say ?
    🐑: you herd me

    * * * * *


  • It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

    * * * * *


  • I asked my boss,
    "Can we talk? I have a problem."
    She said,
    "Problem? There is no such thing.
    We call it an opportunity".
    So I said,
    "Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity."

    * * * * *


  • In a previous job, my boss said to me,

    “You’re the worst train driver I’ve ever seen. How many trains have you derailed in the last year!?”

    I said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track”.

    * * * * *


  • When I quit my job as a Human Cannonball, the circus boss said 'You can't quit.Where am I gonna find another man of your calibre?'

    * * * * *


  • My boss say I didn't meet the working requirements at the gun factory.

    So I was fired.

    * * * * *


  • I asked my boss, “Can I get two weeks of vacation during Christmas?”
    Boss: It’s May.

    Me: I’m sorry. May I get two weeks off during Christmas?

    * * * * *


  • Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don't come into work.

    * * * * *


  • “Is it ok if I finish off a few days early this Christmas?”
    I asked my boss.

    “No it isn’t” he shouted. “Put your Santa beard back on and get inside the grotto, there’s a line of kids waiting to see you.”

    * * * * *


  • Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don't come into work.

    * * * * *


  • My boss said to date the cans of food. I tried to but they only like me as a friend.

    * * * * *


  • My boss calls me "the computer".
    Well, Nothing to do with intelligence here, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

    * * * * *


  • Did you hear about the construction worker who had to quit because he wasn't strong enough to do the job?

    He had to give his boss a too weak notice.

    * * * * *


  • Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.

    * * * * *


  • I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.

    * * * * *


  • My boss has just appointed me as his sexual adviser...
    He said, "When I want your fucking advice, I'll ask for it!"

    * * * * *


  • Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    The boss snuck out early, so I left too.

    * * * * *


  • My boss calls me "the computer" Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

    * * * * *


  • Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.

    * * * * *


  • When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?
    I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

    * * * * *


  • Me: "Sorry boss can’t come in today my car has broken down".
    Boss: "What about the bus?"
    Me: "I don’t have a bus".

    * * * * *


  • I told my boss he should pay me what I'm worth.
    He said he couldn't due to the minimum wage laws.

    * * * * *


  • So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

    * * * * *


  • My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.

    * * * * *


  • My boss just fired me for making too many jokes about Asian countries. I guess that's the end of my Korea.

    * * * * *


  • I've been off work all week
    Because my pet cow is sick,
    My boss thinks I'm milking it.

    * * * * *


  • My boss said to me: "Why do you come out in a rash when I give you your wages?"
    I said: "It's because I'm allergic to peanuts!"

    * * * * *


  • Shapiro walks into work one day at 9. He is very late The boss is furious. “You should have been here at 8:30!” he shouts.
    “Why?” says Shapiro. “What happened at 8:30?”

    * * * * *


  • If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.

    * * * * *


  • Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.

    * * * * *


  • Boss: "Why are you late?"

    Me: "I got totally drunk last night and set my calculator for £6.30...."

    * * * * *


  • My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.

    She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."

    * * * * *


  • My boss said he's going to fire the employee with the worst posture, I've got a hunch it might be me.

    * * * * *


  • My boss said he was sick of my silly Country puns..
    I promised him I'd stop because I don't want it to damage my Korea.

    * * * * *


  • boss: you’re fired

    me: just because I ended that story with “and they all lived happily ever after”?!

    boss: like I told you before, they’re not stories, they’re wills

    * * * * *


  • Me: “I can’t come in to work. I have a wee cough.”
    Boss: “You have a wee cough!?”
    Me: “Thanks! See you next week!”

    * * * * *


  • A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.
    The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.
    The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband?
    “Oh, that’s easily explained. For the past six months,” the wife says, “I’ve been taking a cab to work every morning. I don’t have any money. The cab driver asks me, ‘Are you going to pay today, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’.”
    “Then, when I get to work,” she continues, “I’m late, so the boss asks me, ‘Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’.
    I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, ‘So, are you going to pay this time, or what?’ Again, I take an ‘or what’.
    So you see, doc, by the time I get home I’m all tired out and don’t want it anymore.”
    “Yes, I see,” replies the doctor. “So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?”

    * * * * *


  • I asked my boss where he wanted this big roll of bubble wrap, he said just pop it in the corner, took me 4 bloody hours…

    * * * * *


  • My boss said to me: "Why do you come out in a rash when I give you your wages?"
    I said: "It's because I'm allergic to peanuts!" 😐

    * * * * *


  • I had a boss who was bald. He told me, “The Lord made millions and millions of heads and those he didn’t like he covered up.”

    * * * * *


  • I asked my boss "What do you want me to do with this 6 metre roll of bubble wrap?"
    He replied, "Just pop it in the corner".
    4 hours it took me!

    * * * * *


  • A hockey player lost his job at the bank. His boss caught him cross-checking.

    * * * * *


  • The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.
    His assistant walked up to him and said,
    'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
    The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
    As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.
    He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door'
    He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'
    She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.

    * * * * *


  • Boss: I need you here on time and ready to work.
    Me: Pick one bro...

    * * * * *


  • Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.

    * * * * *



More bosses jokes on the following pages...