555+ Sarcastic, sardonic and satirical jokes to make you burst with laughter.



Even if I agree with your bumper sticker 100%, I still think less of you for having a bumper sticker.

- TOP sarcastic joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.

    * * * * *


  • My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.

    * * * * *


  • Someone asked if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant "autumn", not the collapse of civilization.

    * * * * *


  • Just had my first UFO experience!
    Told the Missus, her cooking was terrible!

    Flying saucers everywhere!

    * * * * *


  • I can tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

    I can also tell if they're standing.

    * * * * *


  • My wife is a terrible cook. She uses the Smoke Detector as a timer.

    * * * * *


  • Missing someone is the worst feeling ever.
    Ask a sniper.

    * * * * *


  • I'm good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 28 things that I'm putting off until later.

    * * * * *


  • People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.

    * * * * *


  • He died the way he lived. Experiencing massive heart trauma.

    * * * * *


  • What do you get when you cross a bear and a lion?
    Killed, you get killed!

    * * * * *


  • Violence is never the answer.

    Unless the question is 'What is never the answer?'

    * * * * *


  • Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!

    * * * * *


  • The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff.

    * * * * *


  • The reason short people argue a lot is because they can't see the point.

    * * * * *


  • Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof.
    I lost it already.

    * * * * *


  • I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Watch batteries fitted, $5"

    I thought “Why would anyone pay to see that?”

    * * * * *


  • When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.

    * * * * *


  • Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm?
    How´d that work out for him?

    * * * * *


  • Nothing tells your friends you've made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.

    * * * * *


  • I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon.
    And I was raised better than that.

    * * * * *


  • Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

    * * * * *


  • I might be annoying but once u get to know me I am even worse.

    * * * * *


  • I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

    * * * * *


  • I was sitting quietly in my armchair contemplating life last night. I shouts to the missus "when I die I'm going to leave everything to you love". She shouted back "you already do ya lazy bastard"

    * * * * *


  • If it hurts you more then it hurts them....
    Your probably holding the taser wrong....

    * * * * *


  • "It's not about who's right or wrong."
    -The person that is wrong

    * * * * *


  • Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.

    * * * * *


  • When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.

    * * * * *


  • I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!

    * * * * *


  • My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.

    * * * * *


  • I had my patience tested.
    I’m negative.

    * * * * *


  • A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.

    * * * * *


  • Do you know why cute people are busy?
    Will tell you later.
    Am busy now.

    * * * * *


  • Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

    * * * * *


  • Think I’m sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care.

    * * * * *


  • If laughter is the best medicine, then your face might be healing the world.

    * * * * *


  • Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.

    * * * * *


  • Must admit my wifes cooking is incredible...
    With a silent ‘cr’.

    * * * * *


  • What do you call the soft tissue between a sharks teeth? The slowest swimmer!

    * * * * *


  • If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn't understand directions".

    * * * * *


  • Gambling is a sin. Bet you can't give it up.

    * * * * *


  • I'm going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.

    * * * * *


  • Someone asked me how you weigh an elephant. It's quite like weighing a person, but on a much larger scale.

    * * * * *


  • What is so special about a person who wouldn't harm a fly?
    Show me a person who wouldn't harm a mosquito.
    Then we'll talk.

    * * * * *


  • Most people probably apologize unnecessarily more often than they apologize when it is necessary.

    * * * * *


  • WHAT'S REALLY FUNNY? Actually, EVERYTHING is funny! But as long as it’s happening to somebody else!

    * * * * *


  • Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

    * * * * *


  • I’m so broke I can’t even pay attention!

    * * * * *


  • A man asked me what I did for a living.
    " I'm a spy " l replied.
    " Then why are you dressed as a shepherd ? "
    " I'm a shepherd's spy "

    * * * * *


  • GOD must LOVE stupid people... He created so many!

    * * * * *


  • I talk to myself a lot. That's because I am a good listener...

    * * * * *


  • Turning your passion into your profession is kinda like setting your favorite song as your alarm.

    * * * * *


  • I’ll tell you what really catches my eye?
    Short people with umbrellas.

    * * * * *


  • I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don't like her new haircut.

    * * * * *


More Sarcastic Jokes on the following pages...