Hilarious jokes about DILDO that will make your day 🤪!



Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."

- Random starter vibrator groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator.
    "What are you doing?" asked the mother.
    "Mom, I'm 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married, so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
    The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room, found his daughter using the vibrator.
    "What the hell are you doing?" he asked.
    His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I'm 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married, so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head.
    The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other, watching a football game on TV.
    "What on earth are you doing?" she cried.
    The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching football with my son-in-law!" 😎

    * * * * *


  • What did the banana say to the vibrator?
    Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!

    * * * * *


  • My wife just rang me this morning. She said,
    "Two packages arrived today. The first was your Playstation 5 and the second is the new Rampant Rabbit vibrator we ordered. I can't wait for you to get home and play with me for hours."
    I said, "You'll be fucking lucky... I only ordered one controller."

    * * * * *


  • How do you know when a blond is using a vibrator???
    All her front teeth are chipped...

    * * * * *


  • FUN Fact:
    It's illegal to own 6 or more dildos in Texas.

    * * * * *



  • FUN Fact:
    It's illegal to own 6 or more dildos in Texas.

    * * * * *


  • My gay mate was really embarrassed after I caught him sucking a dildo.

    I think he’s put it behind him now.

    * * * * *


  • My wife just rang me this morning. She said,
    "Two packages arrived today. The first was your Playstation 5 and the second is the new Rampant Rabbit vibrator we ordered. I can't wait for you to get home and play with me for hours."
    I said, "You'll be fucking lucky... I only ordered one controller."

    * * * * *


  • My girlfriend assures me that size doesn't matter,
    but all of her dildos look like they're missing a lamp shade.

    * * * * *


  • I’m now fully environmentally friendly. All my vibrators are rechargeable

    * * * * *


  • Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
    A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."

    * * * * *


  • Q. What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
    A. They are both meat substitutes.

    * * * * *


  • My wife likes vibrators. Dont know if they're her favourite but, they're certainly up there.

    * * * * *


  • I got my wife a vibrator for her birthday. She’s done nothing but moan ever since.

    * * * * *


  • Q. How do you know if a woman used a vibrator while she was pregnant?
    A. The kid stutters.

    * * * * *


  • Recent studies show that 43% of women have used vibrators.
    From this we can conclude that the other 57% bought theirs new.

    * * * * *


  • I'm going to start a dildo repair service when lockdown is over, and I'm going to call it "Inspect Her Gadget"...

    I will be available for house calls too!

    * * * * *


  • Smell your vibrator and ask yourself, do you deserve a good man?

    * * * * *


  • Why doesn't Karen use a dildo?
    To come plain.

    * * * * *


  • Q: What do Tofu And Dildos Have In Common?
    A: They're Both Meat Substitutes!

    * * * * *


  • Q: "What do tofu and a dildo have in common?"
    A: "They are both meat substitutes!"

    * * * * *


  • 2 guys were talking about what they got their wives for Valentines Day
    The first guy says: "I got my wife flowers, chocolates and a diamond bracelet"
    The second guy replies: "Oh nice she will like that... I too got my wife flowers, chocolates, but with a diamond ring..................... and a dildo.
    The first guy asks: "that sounds great but why the dildo?................
    The second guy looks him in the eyes and says: "Well if she doesnt like the ring she can go fuck herself!"

    * * * * *


  • How do you know when a blond is using a vibrator???
    All her front teeth are chipped...

    * * * * *


  • A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator.
    "What are you doing?" asked the mother.
    "Mom, I'm 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married, so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
    The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room, found his daughter using the vibrator.
    "What the hell are you doing?" he asked.
    His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I'm 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married, so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head.
    The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other, watching a football game on TV.
    "What on earth are you doing?" she cried.
    The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching football with my son-in-law!" 😎

    * * * * *


  • Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz...🤗

    * * * * *


  • A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

    * * * * *


  • What did the banana say to the vibrator?
    Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!

    * * * * *



More vibrator jokes on the following pages...