100+ Useful and Useless Funny Internet Advice That Will Really Give You A Lift 🤪.



Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you're able to get away with.

- Random starter advice groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • Mental Note: Actual notes work better.

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  • Don't Be Sad, Because Sad Backwards Is Das, And Das Not Good.

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  • Don't Half-Ass Two Things, Whole-Ass One Thing.

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  • Just a reminder that it’s actually cool as fuck to be nice to others.

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  • If You Cut the Tennis Balls in Half, You Can Fit 6 in a Container.

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  • Don't cry because the weekend is over. Cry because you're ugly.

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  • Add glitter to air bags to lighten the mood after accidents.

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  • Act like a ninja and wear a black face mask, bitches love ninjas

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  • A goldfish has a 10 second memory. Once you’re done being sad and angry about the situation, be a goldfish.

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  • In a world of constipation, be a laxative.

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  • Never belittle yourself to fit in with the crowd.

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  • If you're out of motivation: do it for spite.

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  • Take yourself off the list of people who have disappointed you.

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  • Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. Then you'll be a mile away from them and have their shoes.

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  • Housekeeping Tip: it’s your pet’s house. Just give up.

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  • Establish dominance by threatening to add their @ to your bio.

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  • If you suspect someone is following you, take four right turns. If they're still behind you, they're following you.

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  • Ruin your teen's day by singing the wrong words to their favorite song.

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  • On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the -escape- key.

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  • Sometimes Get Suitcase,Go To The Airport,Get Pictures And Go Back Home 🙄 Just To Confuse Your Enemies.🙆‍♂️

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  • Do never date a girl who doesn't respect ur wife.

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  • Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.

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  • Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

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  • Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

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  • Be the role model you needed when you were younger.

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  • If you are feeling low, cheer up.
    Somebody, somewhere is thinking about you naked.

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  • Save money on an ugly holiday sweater by not buying one.

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  • You spent the better part of your childhood believing in Santa Claus.

    But you struggle as an adult to believe in yourself. Fix that now!

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  • Avoid being rude by never talking to people.

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  • When a short person says "nice hair" to you... Quickly check your Zip.

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  • Save time on cleaning by not cleaning.

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  • If there's a 1% chance of success, try 100 times.

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  • Get what you want and stay private.
    Let them assume incorrectly.

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  • Never try to use boomerangs as Drumsticks, there'll be re-percussions.

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  • Don’t make important decisions when you are hungry or tired.

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  • "Never give up on the things that make you smile."

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  • Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

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  • Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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  • If they need you temporarily, ignore them permanently.

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  • Life is like a road trip. Enjoy each day, and don't carry too much baggage.

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  • Be a good person, but don't waste your time trying to prove it.

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  • Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

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  • If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

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  • Be alert. The world needs more lerts.

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  • If he asks what sort of books you like, tell him checkbooks.

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  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

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  • If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer!

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  • Never let anyone get too comfortable with disrespecting you. You can still have a soft soul without allowing bullshit behaviour.

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  • You have to watch out for urologists. They only look after number one.

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  • Pro Tip: If you refer to a song as a “track,” people are more likely to believe you were the producer.

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  • ALWAYS FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES; NOTHING ANNOYS THEM SO MUCH.

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  • Keep it private until you know it’s permanent.

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  • "Don’t change the goal, change the plan."

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  • Be yourself! Everyone else is already taken.

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  • Look at your habits, they are the ones dictating your life.

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  • If you can't convince them... confuse them!

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  • Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.

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  • Just a reminder that it’s actually cool as fuck to be nice to others.

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  • You weren’t born to spend more time with your boss than with your family.

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  • Exist to be happy, not to impress.
    - Richard Bach

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  • To make a long story short, quit right in the middle.

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  • Always stay positive in all situations except you’re having an HIV test.

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  • Pro tip: Marry someone who’s not afraid to ask for a refund.

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  • A brief guide to putting up with people’s bullshit.
    Don’t. The end.

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  • If you play an instrument and want to know the secret of sounding better, please stay tuned…

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  • If you're stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.

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  • It's not premarital sex if you don't get married.
    Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

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  • Later is the best time to do anything.

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  • Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal.

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  • Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

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  • Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

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  • Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!

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  • If your rifle’s not working properly, get the owners manual and go to the troubleshooting section.

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  • Don't watch the clock, do what it does, keep going.

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  • Don't do anything you're not prepared to explain to a paramedic.

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  • Crap happens, just flush it and move on.

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  • Don't hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.

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  • Never ask a brutally honest question if you're not prepared to hear a brutally honest answer.

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  • If you think no one cares if you're alive, miss a car payment.

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  • Be alert (the world needs more lerts).

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