100+ Useful and Useless Funny Internet Advice That Will Really Give You A Lift.



If your rifle’s not working properly, get the owners manual and go to the troubleshooting section.

- TOP useful advice from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Don't do anything you're not prepared to explain to a paramedic.

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  • Crap happens, just flush it and move on.

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  • Don't hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.

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  • Never ask a brutally honest question if you're not prepared to hear a brutally honest answer.

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  • If you think no one cares if you're alive, miss a car payment.

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  • Be alert (the world needs more lerts).

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  • " Try to learn something about everything and everything about something "🌷
    ~ Thomas Henry Huxley

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  • If you're naked in public, it's better to cover your face than your genitals.

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  • Never hire an electrician with no eyebrows.

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  • Don't be stupid, it's not smart.

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  • You have to accept who you are... Unless you’re a serial killer!!!

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  • Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman's boots...

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  • If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep.
    It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

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  • Do not accept friends requests from Hormel foods...it could be Spam.

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  • Don't follow your dreams. Chase them.

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  • Buy your son a 300 piece tool kit for his 15th birthday.
    Steal the 10mm socket.
    He needs to learn that the struggle is real.
    Follow me for more life lessons.

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  • If you cry when you cut an onion, here's a tip:
    Don't get emotionally attached.

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  • RULE TO REMEMBER FOR LIFE 👉 When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain!

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  • Don't count the number of friends you have, but the number of friends you can count on.

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  • Legal Tip: If you're ever arrested for public intoxication, try fighting the charges in a higher court.

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  • Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. Don't ask me why.

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  • Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo.

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  • Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!

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  • Never tell a woman she's crazy unless you want to see crazy.

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  • Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

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  • You should always get married in the morning. So if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day!

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  • Any time someone is hot and you're too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they've probably had diarrhea at some point.

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  • TIP FOR WIVES > If you want your husband to do something he doesn't want, just say that maybe he's too old for that...

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  • If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.

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  • Have some fun with your life... call in sick to places you don't even work at.

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  • If you think someone is staring at you:
    1. Yawn
    2. If they yawn, they were staring.

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  • No matter how boring life gets, never get married.

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  • ADVICE > Hey single people, for the love of God stop looking for love... or you’ll end up married!

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  • GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, "Notice anything different?'... works EVERY time.

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  • Its better to keep your mouth shut and be perceived stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

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  • True Story: People won't believe you unless you start a story saying "True story"

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  • Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea.
    Trust me on this.

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  • Behind every successful man there is a woman!
    Need more success?
    Increase the number of women!

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  • Don't forget to get offended today by some sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.

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  • “Never regret anything that made you smile.”–

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  • Life tip:

    No matter how much you liked the soap - NEVER get caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.

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  • Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you're able to get away with.

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  • Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.

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  • JOB INTERVIEW ADVICE: At the interview, tell them you're willing to give 110%, unless the job is a statistician...

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  • There are 2 rules to living a happy and successful life:
    1. Never tell anyone everything you know.

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  • If you’re being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.

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  • Never blame others for the road you are on.
    It's your own damn asphalt!

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  • Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.

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  • Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.

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  • Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

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  • If i don’t answer the phone, do not re-call me because i will re-not answer.

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  • Establish dominance in the men’s room by striking a Superman pose at the urinal.

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  • Mental Note: Actual notes work better.

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  • Never trust a caricature. They’re so sketchy!

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  • Most problems can be solved with nudity.

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