500+ Brilliant Jokes about animals, insects and fishes that will make your day !



A friend of mine said it was a dog-eat-dog world. I said yea, it's ruff out there.

- Random starter animals groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • I thought swimming with dolphins was expensive until I went swimming with sharks.. It cost me an arm and a leg.

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  • Q: What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?
    A: Neck-tarines!

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  • I gonna get a female dog

    I'm naming her Karma...

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  • Did you know that if male sheep and llamas are put in the same field they fight?
    You end up with a ram-a-llama-ding-dong!

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  • Tried feeding the animals at the museum but they were already stuffed...

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  • I was hiking yesterday when suddenly
    I ran into a cougar.

    Almost made me puma pants.

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  • The real reason dinosaurs are extinct is because of ereptile disfuntion!

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  • I just hope if I’m ever abducted by aliens they let me bring my dog.

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  • What happens when polar bears sit on ice cubes?
    They get Polaroids.

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  • Why did the ants dance on the jam jar lid? It said twist to open.

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  • What do you get if you cross an elephant and a sparrow?

    Broken power lines.

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  • Why did the cow get in the rocket? To go to the mooooon....

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  • FUN Fact:
    Some penguins are prostitutes – Offering sex in exchange for pebbles.

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  • I don't do a great dog impression, but I can do a ruff approximation.

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  • Hey, where do owls go to buy their baby clothes? … To the owlet malls.

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  • I gonna get a female dog

    I'm naming her Karma...

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  • The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.

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  • My pet centipede just died. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised; it was on its last legs.

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  • A large snake obsessed with its health is a hypoanacondriac.

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  • Did you know that a Raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions,while a Crow has only 16.!!
    The difference between a Raven and a Crow is just a matter of a pinion.!

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  • How do you stop a dog from barking in the back of a car?

    Put him in the front.

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  • Did you know that Penguins secrete an oil under their feathers which helps them to retain body heat.
    So basically the oily bird gets the warm.!!

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  • When someone tells me they aren't a dog person, all I hear is blah, blah, blah, I'm a psychopath.

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  • I just bought two fish and called one One and the other Two...
    When One dies I'll still have Two.

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  • The prize for getting up early is to eat a worm? Birds are idiots.

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  • What’s the difference between a sprinter and a duck?
    One goes quick, the other goes quack.

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  • Why did the fly fly? Because the spider spied-er.

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  • Birds of prey have trouble making friends.
    They're too hawkward.

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  • I might look normal but you best believe if a cat meows, I'm meowing back.

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  • Hear about the turtle & snail that got into an accident? A police rabbit arrives and asks what happened. They both say, "Well, officer, it just all happened so fast!"

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  • I was attacked by a flock of sheep earlier. I was only grazed.I was very lucky I wasn't fleeced, but I did get rammed.

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  • What do you call a place where the animals practice martial arts?

    A Jujit-zoo.

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  • My dog likes everyone. It's me you have to worry about.

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  • Why do hummingbirds hum?
    Because they can't remember the words.

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  • Which insect is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.

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  • What do you call two birds in love?
    Tweet-hearts!

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  • Cows don't actually earn very much money, so please don't forget to tip your cows.

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  • I bet the first person that “domesticated” a cat totally regretted it.

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  • What do you call a herd of giggling cows?

    Laughing stock.

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  • I crossed a Turkey with a ghost...........
    Yep you got it Poultrygeist...........

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  • I'm selling some racing geese.

    If you want have a quick gander give me a call.

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  • Why aren't dogs good dancers?
    They have two left feet!

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  • I love cats ... they taste just like chicken.

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  • What do you call a snake without any clothing?
    S-naked.

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  • Me [first day as a vet]: What seems to the problem?
    Cat: meow
    Me: Yes, but where?

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  • An alligator was getting his bathroom remodeled .
    He decided to replace the floor tiles with reptiles. Also came with a new scale.

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  • What do you call a 100-year-old ant?

    An antique.

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  • I saw a spider in my shoes, but they were way too big for it.

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  • What do you call a reindeer who can write with his left and his right hoof?
    Bambidextorous.

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  • You can imagine my disappointment after I ordered Rabbit soup and found a hare in it…

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  • I don't know who needs to know this but even though a duck has NO utilities, he still has a bill.

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  • Why are frogs are so happy?

    They eat whatever bugs them.

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  • What do you call a horse that moves around a lot? Unstable...

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  • I saw a sheep driving a car, it was an eweber driver.

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  • If you can't find your dog, open the fridge door. Now he's standing right behind you.

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  • What do you call a male zebra?

    A zebro.

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  • How do you stop a skunk from smelling? Hold his nose.

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  • Sloths are terrible story tellers. They've only got one tail.

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  • Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.

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  • The purest love in the world is the one between grumpy dads and the pet they said they didn't want.

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  • A leopard tried to sneak out of his enclosure by pretending to be a zebra.
    But he was spotted.

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  • - Where do animals do online meetings?
    - Zoo-m.

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  • I suppose when you've seen one lion catch a zebra, you've seen a maul.

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  • I poured some water over a duck’s back yesterday.

    He didn’t care.

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  • When I get really bored I put Red Bull in my humming bird feeder.

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  • What do you get when two giraffes collide?

    A giraffic jam.

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  • How do you catch a unique rabbit?
    Unique up on him.
    How do you catch a tame rabbit?
    Tame way.

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  • I tried to teach my dog to dance, but he just doesn’t get it. Honestly, he acts like he has two left feet!

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  • God initially planned to use wasps to pollinate flowers.
    But in the end he went with plan Bee.

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  • Apparently 30% of owners let their pet sleep in their bed.
    I tried it and my goldfish died.

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