45+ bald and balding jokes that will make your day !



Life is about changing perspectives and priorities:
I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don’t care if they both are.

- TOP balding joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • A bald friend painted rabbits on his head. They look like hares from a distance.

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  • At this rate, they are soon going to have to Abolish Shampoo so that bald people don't get offended!

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  • Really discouraging that there's still bald people in sci fi movies.

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  • I had a boss who was bald. He told me, “The Lord made millions and millions of heads and those he didn’t like he covered up.”

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  • Somebody asked me when I first noticed I was going bald, and I’m not really sure, off the top of my head…

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  • Men who are bald in front are great thinkers. Men who are bald in back are great lovers. Men who are completely bald think they are great lovers.

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  • A bald friend painted rabbits on his head. They look like hares from a distance.

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  • Buying a wig to cover a bald spot is a small price ....toupee!

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  • I was telling my friend that I wasn’t having much luck in the girlfriend department.

    He said I should try online dating then I can meet someone just like me.

    I said I didn’t want to date a fat, bald man.

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  • Women will never be equal to men...
    until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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  • -Hey Bill, what the heck why are you wearing those ugly ass granny panties on your head?

    -Well, John. I’ve seen a lot of hair growth happening for my wife ever since she started wearing these things.

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  • When I saw an old friend from school, he asked why I was bald. I replied "cancer."
    "Cancer?"

    "Yeah I asked the barber if he could shave my head, and he 'I sure cancer!'"

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  • I told this girl that people often tell me I could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin.
    "I don't think so," she laughed, "You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!"

    "I know.... Danny DeVito."

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  • I like to play chess with old bald men in the park.
    But it’s kind of hard to find 32 of them.

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  • Why did the bald guy leave the wig shop without a wig?
    because he forgot toupee.

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  • My boyfriend asked me this evening if I would shave my pussy...
    ... He’s going to be royal pissed when he wakes up bald.

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  • A bald guy killed all the barbers in my town.
    Boy, that was a hair raising tragedy.

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  • As a bald man, I don't like these jokes about wigs...
    they go over my head.

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  • What's the difference between a bald englishman and a bald scotsman?
    The englishman buys himself a hat while the scotsman sells his comb.

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  • I made fun of fat men and I became fat
    I teased the bald men and I became bald. Now I only make fun of the rich.

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  • What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
    A hundred dollar bill.

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  • Mommy, why is daddy bald?
    "Its because he thinks a lot sweetheart"
    The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked
    "is that why you have a lot of hair?"

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  • Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?
    Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

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  • Getting bald isn't about losing hair, it is about getting more head.

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  • After years of being bare, the idea of hair doesn't sound too bad. It's starting to grow on me.

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  • Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

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  • I wouldn't say I was going bald, but... When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, "Which one?"

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  • My wife is leaving me because I'm going bald. I'm not bothered though. It's hair loss.

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  • I first noticed I was going bald when it was taking longer to wash my face!

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  • Doctor, doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in? Yes, here is a paper bag!

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  • What's the difference between a monkey, an orphan, a prince, and Bald Bill? A monkey has a hairy parent, an orphan has nary a parent, a prince is an heir apparent, and Bald Bill has no hair apparently.

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  • Don't waste money on hair restorer. Just paint a series of little rabbits on your bald head. From a distance, they look like hares.

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  • You are so bald, the reflection of your head is blinding people in India.

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  • Women in my focus group say a bald-headed man is trustworthy. He has nothing to hide.

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  • You're so bare. I can rub your head to see into the future.

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  • Your head is so hairless that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken c**dom.

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  • You are so bare when you wear a turtle neck; you look like roll-on deodorant!

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  • The best thing about being tall and bald is that people just think you are tall.

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  • What do you call lice on a hairless head of a man? Homeless.

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  • What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hairline.

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  • When bald people wash their face, how far up do they go?

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  • What if all bareheaded and bearded people really just have hair cut upside down?

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  • I got my father's weak chin, receding hairline, and a big, hook nose. It was the strangest will reading I have ever attended.

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  • People with hairless heads have problems. You cannot pretend that the hair you find in food is your own.

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  • I am not saying my friend's losing his hair, but lice are starting to picket about deforestation.

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More bald and balding jokes on the following pages...