150+ cars and driving jokes that will make your day 😎!



I used to live in a tire, but it got a puncture.
Now I just live in a flat.

- Random starter cars groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • Boy: why is my sister named Rose ?
    Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
    Boy: okay Dad
    Dad: No problem Brick

    * * * * *


  • What did the traffic light say to the car ?
    Don’t look I’m about to change

    * * * * *


  • Where do Volkswagens go when they get old?
    The Old Volks home.

    * * * * *


  • A truck carrying vicks vaporub overturned on the highway, amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours strait.

    * * * * *


  • I was so worried the mechanic would rip me off because I'm a woman. Imagine my relief when he said I only needed indicator fluid.

    * * * * *



  • A man walked into a car dealership.
    He said to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.”
    Salesman said, “We haven't got a Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.”
    The man replied, “You do now.”

    * * * * *


  • Her: That Chevy Spark you're driving is tiny.
    Me: I'm compensating.

    * * * * *


  • No one will ask about your degree when you arrive in a Ferrari.

    * * * * *


  • Why does the chicken coop only have two doors?

    If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

    * * * * *


  • Everyone talks about how good car sex is.

    At my age I can barely handle sex with a person, much less a car.

    * * * * *


  • Car ride naps hit different when you're the one driving!

    * * * * *


  • Just saw a car with an "I support dyslexia!" bumper sticker...

    ...on the FRONT bumper.

    * * * * *


  • The Highway Safety Administration warns that you should never drive tired or distracted so I just sold my car.

    * * * * *


  • I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching… my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.

    * * * * *


  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

    * * * * *


  • Owning an electric car is a re-volting
    experience.

    * * * * *


  • I took my car for a service this morning
    The vicar told me to get out as I was blocking the aisle.

    * * * * *


  • If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there's nothing I can do about it.

    * * * * *


  • Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker, so now we will both be here until we're dead.

    * * * * *


  • Just trained snakes to clean the glass on my car. They're my Windshield Vipers.

    * * * * *


  • I think my local garage is trying to rip me off!

    Does anyone else think £500 for a Tesla exhaust is a lot?

    * * * * *


  • Q: Why are Penguins good at racing cars?
    A: Because they're always in Pole Position.

    * * * * *


  • Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.

    * * * * *


  • “I’m gonna find whoever stole the wheels off my car”, I said tirelessly.

    * * * * *


  • I bought a Saab from Neil Diamond on eBay.

    Swede car online......

    * * * * *


  • My wife says I've become more and more like our old car.
    I said: Don't get me started !

    * * * * *


  • I really want a new car but they're expensive and I'm not that driven.

    * * * * *


  • I can't speak for y'all but the inventor of the tire is my ultimate roll model.
    For wheel.

    * * * * *


  • Did I ever tell you about the thief who only stole Kia’s? It wasn’t his Forte.

    * * * * *


  • If you drive your Subaru in reverse, what are you?
    U r a bus.

    * * * * *


  • How do you make a Lamborghini?

    You get a Sheeporghini and a Ramborghini to mate.

    * * * * *


  • I forgot how to put my seatbelt on this morning, but finally it clicked!

    * * * * *


  • I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent.

    It goes without saying…

    * * * * *


  • Want to make a car dealer uncomfortable?
    Just say "Tell me if you can hear this?"
    Then get in the trunk and start screaming.

    * * * * *


  • Car puns drive me crazy.

    * * * * *


  • Critical Race Theory:
    The best driver in the fastest car usually WINS!!

    * * * * *


  • A Swiss automobile company is recalling its vehicles because they keep getting stuck in neutral.

    * * * * *


  • What do cars spread on their toast?

    Traffic jam.

    * * * * *


  • Wife: Why are you dressed in a tuxedo ?

    Husband: I want to take you out for a romantic meal. Can you change attire quickly?

    Wife: Of course I can darling!

    Husband: Great! The spare wheel’s in the boot of the car. I’ll book the restaurant.

    * * * * *


  • I designed a car that only has forward gears. I need a backup plan.

    * * * * *


  • I was so worried the mechanic would rip me off because I'm a woman. Imagine my relief when he said I only needed indicator fluid.

    * * * * *


  • Just heard petrol and diesel cars are to be completely banned by 2030
    ........it's half past six now so anyone know a car sales place still open ?

    * * * * *


  • I'm just wondering, when you buy a replacement tire, do you pay with...
    ...spare change??

    * * * * *


  • I was dissapointed when I called a taxidermist and he pulled up in a regular car.

    * * * * *


  • If you're ever a passenger in my car, don't disrespect me by trying to sing lead.
    It's my car, so you are automatically a backup singer.

    * * * * *


  • The astronaut drives a Saturn, the pimp drives a cheap Escort, and the proctologist drives a brown Probe.

    * * * * *


  • My friend asked me to fix the blown electrical circuit on his car. I re-fused.

    * * * * *


  • The salesman did a good job on selling me this new car, turns out to be an electric one, well i wont be fuelled again.

    * * * * *


  • Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.

    * * * * *


  • I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.

    * * * * *


  • I won a car on Wheel of Fortune. I'm about to take it for a spin.

    * * * * *


  • What kind of car does a rich cow drive?
    A Cattlelac.

    * * * * *


  • I stared at a ford because it said focus.

    * * * * *


  • My car's ignition is broken. How angry am I?

    Don't get me started.

    * * * * *


  • Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.

    * * * * *


  • What did the rust say to the car? Sorry, it was an oxidant.

    * * * * *


  • One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.

    * * * * *


  • I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay & wondered what his handicap was.

    * * * * *


  • Frequent naps can prevent old age- especially when driving.

    * * * * *


  • I used to live in a tire, but it got a puncture.
    Now I just live in a flat.

    * * * * *


  • I've just replaced my car engine with the motor from my washing machine.
    I'm gonna take it for a spin later.

    * * * * *


  • It's 2021 and somehow we still don't have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.

    * * * * *


  • What country is Elon Musk from? Mad-at-gas-car.

    * * * * *


  • A lady put an ad in the paper : Mercedes for Sale - $1
    No one believed it could be true so only one old man responded and went to see the car.
    The lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1.
    She handed him the papers and the car keys.
    As the old man was leaving, he said, "I shall die of suspense if you don't
    tell me why this car was sold so cheaply?"
    The lady replied, "I am just fulfilling the Will of my deceased husband, where
    it's written that the money received from the sale of his Mercedes would go to his secretary...."

    * * * * *


  • Took my car in for a service earlier. Should’ve seen the look I got off the priest.

    * * * * *


  • I can’t remember where I last parked my Ford. You could say I’ve... lost my Focus.

    * * * * *


  • I couldn’t fit my gigantic balloon elephant into my car so I had to pop the trunk!

    * * * * *


  • Woman shopping in The supermarket notices a cute young assistant,he has such a nice arse it makes her randy.
    She asks him to carry her shopping to her car,on the way she cannot hold back any more and says to him "I've got an Itchy pussy".
    He says "You'll have to point it out love,all these fucking Japanese cars look the same to me!!"

    * * * * *


  • I just bought a crappy car that was made in Prague.
    The Czech engine light keeps coming on.

    * * * * *


  • I crashed into two Volkswagen Golfs today and made a hole in one!

    * * * * *



More hilarious cars and driving jokes on the following pages...