30+ Divorce Jokes That Will Really Give You A Lift.



If marriage is grand, what is divorce ?
Ten grand !

- TOP breakup joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Divorce is always messier if there’s children involved and that’s why you should never marry children.

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  • Is Divorce An Event That Cause Your ‘In-laws’ to become ‘Outlaws’ ?!?!?

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  • When the two digging machines got a divorce, they became excavators.

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  • Why did the clown's wife file for divorce?
    She was over IT...

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  • Why did Jeff Bezos get divorced?
    He needed more space.

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  • Q: How can you tell if a woman is divorced?
    A: She's bungee jumping for joy.

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  • Q: Have you heard of the new divorced Barbie doll?
    A: She comes with all of Ken's stuff!

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  • Q: What is Alimony?
    A: The screwing you get for the screwing you got!

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  • Q: How do you know your wife is a good housekeeper?
    A: After the divorce she keeps the house!

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  • Q: What should you do after a man steals your wife?
    A: Let him keep her!

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  • Q. What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
    A. When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick.

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  • Divorce is like having a garage sale. You set your junk on the lawn and someone comes along and snaps it up like a treasure.

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  • Divorce is like getting out of jail but not having any money to do anything cool.

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  • Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it’s worth it.

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  • Whoever said money can’t buy happiness never paid for a divorce.

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  • Ex #1: Every passing year our relationship gets better.
    Ex #2: But we’re divorced.
    Ex #1: Yes.

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  • What did Yoda say to Princess Leia after separating with Han Solo?
    May divorce be with you.

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  • My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn’t get an erection.
    I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn’t stand up in court.

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  • My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
    He thought he was God, and I didn’t.

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  • A dentist and a manicurist decided to get divorced…
    They fought tooth and nail.

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  • Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for divorce.
    Lawyer: Are you married?
    Wife: Yes, of course.
    Lawyer: Then you have grounds.

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  • What do you call Santa Clause after he gets divorced?
    An independent Clause.

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  • Divorced couples in Colorado are having trouble deciding who gets the marijuana…
    The judges have started issuing joint custody.

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  • A divorce court judge said to the husband, “I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week.”
    “That’s very fair, your honor,” he replied. “And every now and then, I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”

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  • Why did the cat get divorced?
    He was a cheetah.

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  • Getting a divorce is like getting a new phone: You keep telling people how great it is and trying to convince everybody to get one too.

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  • Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
    It’s as if they were polar opposites.

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  • Getting a divorce is like getting fired from a job you’ve hated for years.

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  • What’s the only thing divorce proves?
    Whose mother was right in the first place.

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More divorce jokes on the following pages...