100+ Friendship jokes - about friends, mates, buddies and bros.



My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest. A bit weird I know but it just shows his heart is in the right place.

- Top friends joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • A friend of mine got into wearing camouflage so much that I don't see him anymore.

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  • My friend can't stop bragging about the huge marlin he caught. I'm sick of him always fishing for compliments.

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  • I accidentally asked my friend if he wants to go "boiling" instead of "bowling" and nowwww...
    ...we are in hot water.

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  • That hibernation season has neared
    Squirrels have started gathering NUTS
    I can't find two of my best friends.

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  • I've tried to make friends but I just can't get the DNA sequence right.

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  • I went over to my friend's house and he told me to treat his house as if it was my own.
    So I sold it.

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  • My missus is an absolute saint who goes out of her way to help anyone in need. Only last week I came home early from work and there she was, giving up her own time to help my mate Dave study for his exam.
    I didn't even know he was training to be a gynaecologist.

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  • My friend from northern Spain is always at the beach.

    She loves to Basque in the sun.

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  • My mate thinks his glasses make him look smarter, i think its an optical delusion.

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  • My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I'm married now and that's where I sleep...

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  • A friend of mine failed his chair exam. He's going to resit.

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  • A friend of mine makes pendulums for clocks. Tomorrow he’s going to swing by.

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  • me: I think some people are birds in disguise.
    friend: lol, can I tweet that.
    me: *narrows eyes* can you what ?

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  • My best pal passed away yesterday due to heartburn, I’m in tears man I can’t believe it. Gav is gone.

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  • My friend and I, we send ballpoints and sharpies in the post. We are pen pals

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  • A long lost friend of mine once said, "I bet you I could make it across the Sahara without a map or compass."

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  • What are two janitors who live together called?
    Broommates.

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  • A friend of mine is a civil engineer. Well, he wouldn't be a friend if he wasn't civil.

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  • My friend just told me - Guys, please put on your mask and face shield. It saves lives. Yesterday a friend of mine went out with his girlfriend and on the way to the mall he passed by his wife and she did not recognize him. The mask really saved his life.

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  • A friend of mine does backing vocals. It's his voice on the "this vehicle is reversing" messages.

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  • So, what do you call a check written out to one of your friends?
    Check Mate.

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  • A mate of mine, he died in a bowl of Muesli, he drowned...No way, What happened ? He got dragged in by a strong current.

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  • A friend of mine had trouble evenly slicing a dessert.
    When I did it, it was a piece of cake.

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  • My mates wife said she was leaving him because he is obsessed with football.
    He asked her is it a temporary or permanent transfer.

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  • I have a friend that's a pilot although when we're together, I usually drive because it takes him 45 minutes to back out of the driveway.

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  • A friend of mine asked if I wanted to join her at a mind-reading workshop. I don’t know what she was thinking!

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  • My mate was upset when i told him he has really soft hands, no hard feelings though.

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  • Friend of mine got drunk and went to an auction. He doesn’t remember a lot.

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  • Friend: I'm trying to scare away a crow with a gun.
    Me: How did a crow get a gun?

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  • I thought my friend was joking when he said he dressed up as the next nearest star to our planet.
    But he’s Sirius.

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  • Some friends left us a rubber plant when they moved away.
    The rubber plant looked like it was going to die, so I put plant food in the soil, watered it with tender loving care, and put it in a serene corner of the house.
    After a few weeks the rubber plant bounced right back.

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  • A friend of mine tried to explain to me why his camouflage sword was so good, but I just couldn't see his point.

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  • My crane driver mate says he is going to break up with his girlfriend, he's going to let her down easy.

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  • A friend of mine’s dog died. So, I got her another one. She wasn’t impressed. In fact she said, “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?” Sometimes, you try and you try, but it’s just not appreciated.

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  • I was once friends with a taxidermist but I had to break it off. He kept trying to mount and stuff me.

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  • I have a friend who collects clocks. She says it's a great hobby, if you have the time

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  • When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
    I'm homeless now.

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  • Why did the duck stroke his friend's back?

    He was feeling down!

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  • My mate Dave went to the doctors yesterday. The doctor said “And how can I help you today Dave?”

    “Well doctor” said Dave “I have a terrible fear of tsunamis.”

    “How bad is it?” said the doctor

    “It comes in waves.” replied Dave

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  • I ran into an old friend the other day . She is still in the hospital recovering.

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  • When’s the worst time to get a heart attack?
    When you’re playing Charades with a group of friends,
    and it’s your turn!

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  • My friend said he was thinking of buying a car with a transparent driving wheel.

    I told him to steer clear.

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  • I feel bad for my Friend!
    He Builds Spiral Staircases!
    His business is so Up and Down, all Around!

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  • A friend's pessimistic attitude cost him his job as a barman. With him, the glass was always half empty.

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  • 10 years ago I married my best friend.
    The wife was really cross, but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was funny.

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  • I’ve got a friend who is an electrician and a part-time detective.
    We call him Sherlock Ohms.

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  • I was so good at doing magic tricks as a teenager that most of my friends disappeared.

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  • Just had a walk and met an old mate !
    I said why have you got a fried egg on your head?
    He said the hard boiled ones keep rolling off !!

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  • My friends love scaring the crap out of me.

    With friends like that who needs enemas?

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  • A man comes home to find his mate shagging his wife and stabs him to death... His wife says carry on like that and you'll have no mates left!!!

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  • Asked my mate if he’d ever had a blow job, he said yes. I said what do they taste like?

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  • Me and my mate are so crap at pool that we played each other and we both lost .

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  • My friend gave birth in her car on the way to the hospital and her husband named the kid Carson.

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  • I was recently visited by a childhood friend and his new fiance. As the night got late she finally said "Come on Cowboy, let's head back to the hotel."
    My friend leaned over and explained, "She calls me Cowboy 'cause I'm from Texas."
    Without pausing at all she stated firmly "No, I call him Cowboy because he thinks 8 seconds is a good ride."

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  • My friend will be interviewing for a job as a carpenter...
    I hope he nails it.

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More friendship jokes on the following pages...