100+ Best jokes about dating.



My last relationship taught me: You can be the whole package at the wrong address.

- TOP ralationship joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • I will never date a teacher, i have learnt my lesson.

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  • Whenever I start dating a new guy, I have him checked out.....cause, ya gotta do your dude-diligence.....

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  • A pyromaniac went on a dating site looking for a match.

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  • There are plenty of fish in the sea... That's cool and all... but I'm a human.

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  • Why did the pineapple go out with a prune? Because he couldn’t find a date!

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  • I once dated a one-legged girl who worked in a brewery.

    She was in charge of the hops.

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  • Best dating ad ever:
    Man with oven and baking skills looking for woman with dough.

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  • Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.

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  • I used to date a time traveller, but I had to break up with her. I found out she was two-timing me.

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  • Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.

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  • I was meant to have dinner with the invisible man tonight.
    But he didn’t show up.

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  • I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki.

    I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair...

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  • I’ve been using a Ukrainian dating site. Now I have a chick in Kiev.

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  • Another failed seniors hook up site: Carbon Dating.

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  • You know you've hit rock bottom on the dating scene when you ask a blind girl out and she says she's seeing someone else.

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  • Date: You told me you were interesting?
    Me: I told you I was into resting!

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  • The blind date trouble started when she realized his profile read farm-assist and not pharmacist.

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  • If u don't take your woman out, someone else will. Ask Adam, He left Eve alone for 10 mins & the snake took her out for lunch she even brought takeaway for Adam.

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  • In High School my pick up line to the ladies was "we go together like single ply toilet paper and a good hand washing". I dated very little.

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  • I have no idea what carbon dating is, but I'll try anything at this point.

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  • I took this girl out for a meal last night, she had frog's legs and chicken breasts... but she had a fucking lovely personality, bless her!!

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  • Just got a letter from Screw Fix Direct this morning thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency!!

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  • I use to go out with a bricklayers daughter.....
    Cement the world to me.

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  • I went Speed Dating last night...
    "Have you got any pets?" one girl asked.
    "Yeah, a goldfish."
    "Any hobbies?" she said
    "Yes, he loves swimming..."

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  • Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.

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  • HER: i work for the Red Cross.
    ME: that's a huge plus.

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  • I joined a dating site for arsonists. I got a match straight away.

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  • I used to date a man from the future, but we broke up.
    I found out he was two-timing me!

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  • Message from dating site. Your dating ad has been on our website for 9 years now without any reply. Do you want us to try 1 week without a picture?

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  • Recently joined a dating group for pyromaniacs.

    Got a match straight away...

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  • I dated an Anesthesiologist a couple years ago.
    I had to end it after a while because I just didn't feel anything.

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  • Date a realtor, he has a lot to offer.

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  • Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged thing at a thrift sale that doesn't smell.

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  • I went on a dating website for footballers, but there were no matches.

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  • I'm just not cut out for the dating world. The last time I was someone’s type...
    I was donating blood...

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  • I’m dating a gymnast.
    She’s head over heels.

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  • My friend's just told me that he's dating twins. I asked him if he had any trouble telling them apart.
    "Not at all." he said "It's really easy actually. Helen's got blonde hair and Brian's got a beard."

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  • I’ve been dating a homeless woman recently, and I think it’s starting to get serious.
    She just asked me to move out with her.

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  • My friend told me I’m dating a porn star. I said “no way”... He replied...
    “Look at her, it’s all over her face”.

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  • Online dating during Covid is like:
    I'm dying to meet you.

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  • Why do colourblind people suck at dating?
    Because they fail to see the red flags in a relationship.

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  • I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
    I think she's a keeper.

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  • What did the conjoined twins change their dating profile to after surgery?
    Recently Separated.

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  • What does Medusa have in her dating profile?
    Beware: I'm drop dead gorgeous.

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  • Dating is often like boxing...
    You have to go for your weight class.

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  • Why are racecar drivers the best people to go to for dating advice?
    They're trained to look for red flags.

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  • I started dating a stripper
    I've been seeing a lot of her lately.

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  • My daughter is now dating a bipolar adventurer
    He really did visit both the North and the South poles, quite the guy!

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  • What do you call it when meeting up with people from dating apps?
    Playing with matches.

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  • An engineer has trouble dating and seeks advice from his friend:
    Friend: Just go to a bar and meet girls, its a no pressure environment.

    Engineer: I don't know, one bar seems like way too much pressure for me. Can I go to a pascal instead?

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  • Why did the shark quit dating ?
    Even though there are still many fish in the sea, he was netted into a relationship and got catfished.

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  • Dating for men is like fishing.
    There’s plenty of fish but until you catch one you’re stuck holding your rod.

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  • I made a dating profile on Farmers Only
    Because when it comes to women, I know how to a-tractor.

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  • Dating these days as a Karen is hard, all of my dates act like teenagers.
    What I is need is a MANager!

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  • I've started dating Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother.
    She's an animal in bed.

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More jokes about dating on the following pages...