Best fish and fishing jokes.



What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy!
- TOP fifhing joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Two fish in a tank, one fish says to the other " You drive it, I'll fire the big gun"

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  • What did the fisherman say to the magician?

    Pick a cod., any cod.

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  • Maybe I'd have better luck if I renewed my fishing license on-line.

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  • I used to date a fishing fanatic's
    wife online, she was click-bait
    I tell ya!

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  • My buddy catches fish with his mouth, he sits there patiently with baited breath.

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  • What day do fish prefer to get caught?
    Throwback Thursday.

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  • How do you know fish are anxious to get caught?
    They’re waiting with baited breath.

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  • "You have been charged with assaulting your wife with a fish," the judge said. "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

    "Yes," I replied, "It's cods wallop."!!!!

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  • Teach a man to fish, but don't teach him to flounder.

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  • What’s the most important figure on a Fisherman’s taxes?
    His “Net” Income!

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  • The fisherman does not go to the gym anymore. He stopped after he pulled a mussel last week.

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  • Dad: Wanna go fishing with me?

    Son: No. You never catch anything.

    Dad: It’s not called Catching. It’s called Fishing.

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  • Why do fishermen always argue? Because you can't catch de fish, without de bait.

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  • Fishermen seldom make good standup comedians but sometimes they’ll come up with some nice one liners.

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  • Went fly fishing today I caught two bluebottles and a wasp.

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  • Why didn't Noah ever go fishing?
    He had only 2 worms.

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  • Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking beer.
    All of a sudden Bill says, "Dad, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
    His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his beer and says, "Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find."

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  • How do you communicate with a fish?
    Drop him a line.

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  • Just watched a film about fly fishing.
    The cast was amazing.

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  • Did you know that there is a strict social hierarchy in the fishing community? That's right, there's a caste system.

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  • I ordered some fish at the fish shop. I paid and I asked the salesman behind the counter to throw it at me.
    He asked, "Why?"
    I said, "So I can say I caught it myself!

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  • There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on shore like an idiot.

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  • What is the best music to play when you go fishing?
    Anything so long as it is catchy.

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  • After having no luck ice fishing, my wife suggests that maybe I should stop dropping those one liners.

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  • First attempt smoking a fish tonight.
    Still prefer cigars.

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  • What’s the best way to catch a fish?
    Have someone throw it at you.

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  • What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment?
    A flat fish !

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  • Where are most fish found?
    Between the head and the tail!

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  • What’s a sea serpent’s favorite meal?
    Fish and ships!

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  • What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish?
    Tsardines.

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  • What was the name of Tom Sawyer’s fish?
    Huckleberry Fin!

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  • Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?
    Because they have electric eels !

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  • What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?
    He called the piano tuna!

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  • Why are fish cleverer than humans?
    Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?

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  • What do naked fish play with?
    Bare-a-cudas.

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  • What kind of fish will help you hear better?
    A herring aid.

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  • What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
    A monkfish.

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  • Which fish dresses the best?
    The Swordfish – it always looks sharp!

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  • What did the sardine call the submarine?
    A can of people.

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  • What kind of money do fishermen make?
    Net profits !

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  • Q: How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Four, one to change the light bulb and three to brag about how big the old one was and about the one that they would have changed, but “It got away”.

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  • What’s the difference between an angler and a dunce?
    One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.

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  • The little kid sat on the side of the road with a fishing line down the drain. Feeling sorry for him, and wanting to humor him, a lady gave him 50 cents, and kindly asked “How many have you caught?” “You’re the tenth this morning,” was the reply.

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  • An old lady saw a little boy with a fishing-rod over his shoulder and a jar of tadpoles in his hand walking through the park one Sunday. “Little boy,” she called, “don’t you know you shouldn’t go fishing on a Sunday?” “I m not going fishing, ma’am,” he called back, “I’m going home.”

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  • A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. “Have you had any bites?” asked the second man. “Yes, lots,” replied the first one, “but they were all mosquitoes.”

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  • How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.

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  • What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much ?
    A beer-a-cuda.

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  • What do you call a fish without the eye?
    fsh.

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  • What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
    The Codfather.

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  • If fish lived on land, in which country would they live?
    Finland.

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  • What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away?
    “You bass-tard!”

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  • Which fish can perform operations?
    A Sturgeon!

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  • What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
    You can’t tuna fish.

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  • What do fish use for money?
    Sand dollars!

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  • Why can’t you tell a joke while ice fishing?
    Because it’ll crack you up!.

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More Best fish and fishing jokes on the following pages...