50+ Jokes about history, historical fun.



Q: What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
A: I don't know, I wasn't invited!

- TOP history joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • It's been established that Napoléon Bonaparte once yelled out, 'Hey Jo! - there's no water in the loo'! The rest is his story,...

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  • How do Greek gods
    play the drums?

    They use Styx.

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  • The ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to 'laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series' as a "marathon".

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  • In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum known as the Caesarian section.

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  • During the bronze age, everyone in the Olympics came in third.

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  • What happened when the wheel was invented? ... It caused a revolution

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  • Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?
    Modern historians call it balderdash.

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  • In Roman times peas were rare and expensive. You were only allowed to buy 6 at a time.
    They were VIPs.

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  • What song would be appropriate if all King Arthur's men found love?
    No More Lonely Knights!!

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  • Why can’t the British pronounce the ‘T’ in they’re name???
    They lost all they’re ‘Tea’ in Boston!

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  • Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight?
    It had too many sleepless knights.

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  • Eventually Genghis Khan controlled a vast region, but at the beginning he had to take it one steppe at a time.

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  • I got a Louis XV style clock with a bird chime. It's a rocuckoo clock.

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  • If you're going to tell me about feudal Japan, I'm going to need you to samurais it for me.

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  • How did King Tut make all his money? From a pyramid scheme...

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  • When did Julius Caesar die?
    A few days before his funeral.

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  • William Tell talking to his son,
    "Do you know anyone who's good at shooting arrows?"
    "Not off the top of my head Dad".

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  • In the Bible, Samson was a tough man but his father Samsonite was a real hard case...

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  • There was a Roman emperor who never aged after he turned 13. His name was Constant Teen.

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  • King Tutankhamen. Over 2000 years old and still a mummy's boy.

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  • Why George Washington slept sitting upright?
    Because he would not lie.

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  • What did the teacher do when his student wrote a report on the history of cheese?

    He grated it.

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  • I made some puns on Greek Gods..
    My Apollogies.

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  • What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?
    Nothing. He was gladiator.

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  • "Ptolemy ptrained
    pten Ptrojans" -
    Ancient Ptongue Ptwister

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  • The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.

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  • King Midas wasn't always happy with his special power. He lost many friends and a few pets. All his life he was racked with gilt.

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  • My son wanted to be a history teacher, but I told him there's no future in it!

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  • Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders an Martinus.
    Do you mean a Martini, asks the bartender.
    No... one will be enough...

    * * * * *


  • I went to the Natural History Museum & asked how old the T-Rex skeleton was.

    The curator said “66 million and seven years”.

    I said “How can you be so accurate?"

    He replied “When I started working here they told me it was 66 million & I’ve been here for 7 years”.

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  • Me: I'm tired of being single

    Friend: then become a history teacher

    Me: why?

    Friend: to find fun dates

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  • What was the Soviet Union’s most secretive insect?

    The Cagey Bee.

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  • My poor knowledge of Greek Mythology has always been my Achilles Elbow.

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  • Best alliance in the world? Russia and the weather.

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  • How to insult a historian: "Yo mamma's got so little class she could be a Marxist utopia."

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  • What did Hitler say when the Allies invaded Normandy?
    'This is out of Mein Kampfort zone.'

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  • What do you call 100,000 men with their hands up?
    The French Army.

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  • How to write a history essay: However, however, however, however, on the other hand, however, however, however, however, hence.

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  • Q: When a knight was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
    A: Rust in peace!

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  • Q: Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
    A: Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train!

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  • Q: What is the fruitiest subject at school?
    A: History, because it's full of dates!

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  • Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
    A: The same middle name!

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  • Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
    A: At the bottom!

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  • Q: Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had to walk 8 miles to school every day!
    A: Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught the schoolbus like everyone else!

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  • Q: Why aren't you doing well in history?
    A: Because the teacher keeps on asking about things that happened before I was born!

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  • Q: Who built the ark?
    A: I have Noah idea!

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  • Q: Who made King Arthur's round table?
    A: Sir-Cumference.

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  • Q: What did Mason say to Dixon?
    A: We've got to draw the line here!

    * * * * *


  • Q: What's purple and 5000 miles long?
    A: The grape wall of China.

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  • Q: What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
    A: I don't know, I wasn't invited!

    * * * * *


More Jokes about History, Historical fun on the following pages...