100+ jokes about neighbours that will make your day !



What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and my neighbour Steve?
Steve's not a cunt.

- TOP neighbour joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Just helped my neighbour bury a rolled up carpet in the woods.
    Her boyfriend would have helped, but he was out of town.

    * * * * *


  • I thought one of the neighbours was taking the wheels off of my new Honda,without asking me..

    Turned out,he was doing it on his own Accord.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbor is a door-to-door stand-up comedian. He does a lot of Knock Knock jokes.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbor, a Brit, had a swarm of bees in his back yard. I heard him tell the bees to behive themselves!

    * * * * *


  • My neighbor was fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

    * * * * *


  • Heard my neighbor yell "****" yesterday.
    I thought this was impressive, because not many people can pronounce asterisks.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbor is in to archery. For her birthday, her boyfriend made a container for her arrows. She now says that of all the men she has dated, he is the first to make her quiver.

    * * * * *


  • I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.

    * * * * *


  • I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line.
    I was going to confront him but I got cold feet.

    * * * * *


  • A neighbour came round yesterday and borrowed one of my favourite tools. I let him take it but it was quite a wrench.

    * * * * *


  • Neighbor: Why isn't your cat moving? He's just standing there!
    Me: Oh, that's because he's on paws...

    * * * * *


  • Jane was breastfeeding her son while her neighbour, Susan sat nearby.
    Jane asked her friend, "Does my son resemble me or his father?"
    Replied Susan, "He looks like you, but he sucks exactly like his father....."

    * * * * *


  • I was just walking past the church when the vicar turned to me and said, "Love your neighbour."

    I said, "Me too - cracking pair of tits!"

    * * * * *


  • My neighbour banged on my wall at 3am this morning ,luckily i was still up listening to music ,and he shouts can you please give me a little respect, and I said coming right up ,I love erasure, too.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbor is a musician who is currently serving time in jail. His wife is waiting for his next release.

    * * * * *


  • My mate Dave’s wife, Julie said to him yesterday “Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?”

    “How can I?” said Dave “I’ve never met the woman”

    * * * * *


  • Q: Where do horses live?
    A: In neigh-borhoods.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbor is a grave digger, and he really digs his job.

    * * * * *


  • Saw my neighbor fill his canoe with vanilla ice cream and root beer.
    Kinda strange but hey, whatever floats his boat.

    * * * * *


  • I'm at my neighbor's house having the most delicious dinner.

    Hope I finish before they get home!

    * * * * *


  • My next door neighbour said to me "Is it ok if I use your lawnmower?" I said "Certainly, just don't take it out of my garden".

    * * * * *


  • If I am reading their lips correctly, my neighbours are arguing about some creep next door.

    * * * * *


  • My local Council have insisted I remove the electric fence around my property...

    Just because my neighbour is dead against it!

    * * * * *


  • My wifi suddenly stop working, then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill.

    How irresponsible people are.

    * * * * *


  • Just been talking to my neighbour who does sewing for a living..

    She seamstressed out.

    * * * * *


  • Yesterday morning I called my neighbour to ask if he and his wife could enjoy each other a little more quiet.
    He told me he wasn't home.

    * * * * *


  • "Mom I have started dating our neighbour..."
    "Anders?! But honey, he could be your father!" says mom.

    Daughter replies "Mom, age is just a number!"

    "I wasn't talking about his age!"

    * * * * *


  • Heard my neighbours shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall......turns out her elderly mother had fallen and cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her walking stick for help.....
    feel a bit guilty about the wank now.

    * * * * *


  • Whilst trimming my neighbours hedge I was stung on the hand by a wasp. She told me that putting it in cider would soothe the pain.
    Well I did that and not only did it do nothing to null the pain, I also now have a court hearing for sexual misconduct!

    * * * * *


  • My neighbour is an avid gardener.
    He was up digging at three in the morning.

    And he's so good that the next day the police came to see his work.

    * * * * *


  • My musician neighbour is scaring me.
    I heard him fingering a minor.

    * * * * *


  • I used to believe my neighbour when he said he slept standing upright.
    But he's been lying.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbour is a clown for childrens parties. Evertime I turn my back to get ready for bed, he sneaks into my house in full costume and starts banging my wife. I can see them, in the mirror, going at it while I'm brushing my teeth.
    They keep on telling me that I'll look back and laugh at it one day.

    * * * * *


  • Husband: Oh No! our neighbour has died.

    Wife: Who, Ray?

    Husband: I don't think cheering is appropriate Karen.

    * * * * *


  • So my neighbour sees me bent over, busy in my garden. And she asks what I'm doing.
    "I'm alphabetising all my plants"

    "Really?! I don't know how you find the time!"

    "It's right next to the sage"

    * * * * *


  • My neighbour asked me to stop playing Oasis songs all night long
    I said maybe...

    * * * * *


  • My neighbour has a fetish for holidays.
    I thought he was just jealous when he asked "Can I come in your suitcase?"

    * * * * *


  • Neighbour's 8 year old son: Corona has looted half my inheritance
    Me: How?

    Him: My mom is pregnant.

    * * * * *


  • My two British neighbours had their donkey escape from the barn, and are desperately looking for it.
    They are assless chaps.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbour was arrested for killing a black man.
    He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

    * * * * *


  • When i'm bored in Lockdown i just send flowers with An "i miss you" card to my neighbour John.
    Then i go to the balcony with a drink and listen to his wife.

    * * * * *


  • So my neighbour with the big titties is outside gardening topless again today.
    I just wish his wife would do the same.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbour knocked on my front door.
    "Would you mind looking after the kids today?" she asked.

    "Maybe," I replied. "How come?"

    "Because one of yours is taking a shit on our front lawn!" she yelled.

    * * * * *


  • "This chainsaw has three settings," my neighbour said, revving it. "And this one is the quietest of them all."


    "You should try it on max," I replied.



    He didn't like that. Max is his favourite child.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbours recently made a sex tape ....
    Well obviously they don’t know that yet!

    * * * * *


  • I once knew a guy whos life's motto was love thy neighbour.
    He lives next to a brothel.

    * * * * *


  • The neighbour’s dog crapped in our garden, so my wife told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.
    I don’t see what that solved. We’ve still got dog poo in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel.

    * * * * *


  • Angry neighbour "You slept with my wife, I am going to make you pay for that!"
    Man: Bullshit, why should I pay twice.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed.
    I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbour came over and complained some items of clothes were missing from her washing line....
    ....I was so nervous she'd find out it was me, I almost shit her pants.

    * * * * *


  • A woman rings at neighbour's door. A man opens the door.
    Woman: "Hey, I just moved in, and I am just applying wallpaper in the kitchen. I just saw yesterday that you freshly papered you kitchen as well, and I thought you may be able to help me out. How many stacks of paper did you buy to do the job?"

    Man:"Well yes, of course! I bought 16 stacks of paper."

    The woman thanks the man and goes on to buy 16 stacks of paper. When she was finished with the kitchen she returns to the neighbour.

    Woman:" well thanks again for the advice, I am done and the new kitchen looks awesome! I am just wondering, I still have 6 stacks of paper left...?"

    Man:"Yeah, me too."

    * * * * *


  • My L‌‌esbian neighbours Jane a‌‌nd Caroline a‌‌sked m‌‌e t‌‌o h‌‌elp t‌‌hem c‌‌onceive a‌‌ c‌‌hild r‌‌ecently.
    They s‌‌aid t‌‌hey w‌‌ouldn't m‌‌ind i‌‌f w‌‌e d‌‌id i‌‌t t‌‌he o‌‌ld f‌‌ashioned w‌‌ay a‌‌s t‌‌hey w‌‌ere desperate to have a baby.

    For s‌‌ix m‌‌onths n‌‌ow w‌‌e've b‌‌een t‌‌rying b‌‌ut I‌‌ j‌‌ust d‌‌on't h‌‌ave t‌‌he h‌‌eart t‌‌o t‌‌ell t‌‌hem I‌‌ h‌‌ad a‌‌ v‌‌asectomy l‌‌ast y‌‌ear.

    * * * * *


  • My next door neighbour is an inconsiderate asshole. He knocked on my door at 3AM last night!! 3AM!!
    Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.

    * * * * *


  • What do you call a dog with no legs…

    My asian neighbors dinner.

    * * * * *


  • My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

    A stone’s throw away, in fact.

    * * * * *


More jokes about neighbours on the following pages...