30+ Lies Jokes That Will Really Give You A Lift.



The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies."
I said, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids”

- TOP lying joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.

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  • The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.

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  • To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.

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  • A woman dies. In heaven she sees a large Wall full of Clocks.
    She asks angel: What are these for?
    Angel answers: These are Lie Clocks, every person has a lie clock! Whenever you lie on earth, clock moves.
    The woman points towards a clock and asks: Whose clock is this? ...
    Angel says: Its Mother Teresa's. It never moved, showing that she never told lie.
    The woman asks: Where are the clocks of Married men?
    The angel replies: Those are in our office, We use them as 'OFFICE FANS'
    She then asked, what about the Married women?
    The angel replied,
    'those are kept out... they are generating electricity...!!

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  • My wife left me, saying I was a compulsive liar
    Atleast I think that's what she said... I was busy wrestling a tiger at the time.

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  • What are the 3 sizes of condoms?
    Small, medium and liar.

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  • Liars tend not make eye contact, which is why I don't trust pirates half the time.

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  • What do you call a Mathematician who is an outlaw and a liar?
    An outlier.

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  • There are two types of men in this world
    Those who have tried to suck their dick, and liars.

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  • My father, a massive liar, told me he'd been shot...
    I said 'I can see right through you'.

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  • My girlfriend says I'm a fantasist and a compulsive liar.
    That's a bit rich coming from someone who doesn't exist.

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  • My girlfriend said I'm nothing but a bare-faced liar
    So I've grown a beard.

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  • My chemistry teacher is a damn liar!
    He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

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  • I keep telling everyone I’m a pathological liar.
    But they won’t believe me.

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  • Two Russians meet in a prison cell...
    "How long?" the first one asks.
    "Fifteen years. You?"
    "Ten, for politics. What're you in for?"
    "For nothing."
    "Liar! For nothing, you get five years!"

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  • A penis says to his balls, “I’ll take you two to a party.” The balls replied, “you fuckin’ liar‽!! –
    – ...you always go inside alone and leave us outside knocking.”

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  • If a liar says that he's lying, would that be a lie ?
    Only if he's standing up !

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  • My doctor just told me I’m a compulsive liar.
    Then she gave me a blowjob before I left.

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  • What do you call a guy who hasn’t measured his penis?
    A liar.

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  • My Ass is a liar!
    It is so full of shit!

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  • There are two kinds of liars when it comes to masturbation......
    The ones that say they’ve never done it and the ones that say they’ve stopped.

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  • Ghosts are really terrible liars.
    You can see right through them.

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  • What does a liar do after he dies?
    He lies still.

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  • Why did cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland ?
    Because she sat on Pinocchios face and said: lie bastatd lie )

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  • What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
    Bullying.

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  • The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.

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  • How do you know when an orphan is lying.
    When they say I swear on my mother’s life.

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  • A mom gave her son “the talk”. her son replies "wait so there really isn’t candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.

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  • My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he’d be fine and it’d only take a few minutes.
    Lying bastard never came out.

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  • What’s green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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  • How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
    His lips are moving.

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  • What do you call it when a man lies about his penis size?
    A Phallacy!

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  • People said that I have irrational fear of lies.
    Bu I'm afraid that is not true.

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  • What do you call a lizard that tells damaging lies about you?
    A slandermander.

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  • Where do people get their lies from?
    From the lie-brary.

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More lies jokes on the following pages...