50+ jokes about crazy, mad and mental people.



I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

- TOP crazy joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!

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  • Ignorance can be educated and crazy can be medicated, but there's no cure for stupid.

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  • Being paranoid means never having to think that your alone.

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  • A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky.
    The husband says, it’s reindeer.

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  • There was a baby ant that went crazy, because all of his uncles were ants!

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  • Man: I keep seeing spots and butterflies before my eyes.
    Wife: Have you seen a Doctor?
    Man: No, just spots and butterflies.

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  • In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago." "Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously pleasuring himself. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

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  • Sanity is so overrated.
    I mean, it's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

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  • What if the voices in your head tell you to not listen to them?

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  • My mate's got OCD. But he's got loads of Vinyl.
    Which he keeps in alphabetical order.

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  • I called the paranoia hotline

    They answered, "how did you get this number?"

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  • A young woman went into a pet shop one morning and mumbled: “Do you sell large white bears?”
    “No, I’m afraid we don’t,” said the sales assistant.
    And the woman left.
    The next day, she was back again, “Do you sell large white bears?” she asked.
    “No I’m afraid we don’t,” said the same assistant.
    And the woman left.
    The next day she was back again. “Do you sell large white bears?” She asked.
    “No we don’t,” said the assistant. “And this is the third day you’ve come in and asked me that.”
    I’m so sorry,” said the young woman, “but I can’t help it. You see, I have buy polar disorder.”

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  • I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on. My wife says it's weird.
    I don't know why, it makes a great hat.

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  • I think I've become masochistic, although it pains me to admit it.

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  • I love playing chess at the park with old men.
    The hard part is finding 32 of them.

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  • "Hello. This is the Paranoia Hotline. How did you get this number?"

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  • When I was at school, the other pupils voted me: "Pupil most likely to end up in a mental institution."

    They got that wrong!

    Turns out I'm actually: "Only pupil who didn't die murdered or in a mysterious unexplained accident."

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  • Why did the accountant go crazy?
    He started to hear invoices in his head.

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  • I know a guy who dipped his testicles in glitter, pretty nuts huh?

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  • I once threw a boomerang and it didn’t come back.
    I now live in constant fear.

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  • My ears are burning that means someones talking about me.
    They're probably saying something like "Why's that idiot got his head in the oven".

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  • I often wondered what it'd be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.

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  • I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.

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  • Staying home is not so bad, but it's odd that one bag of coffee has 981 beans and the next 976.

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  • I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.

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  • I just had an argument with my kettle. Things just seemed to boil over.

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  • How does a crazy person get to the woods?

    He takes the psychopath.

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  • Man goes into the doctor’s. Says “Doc, I have terrible constipation”.
    Doctor says “what are you eating?” - man replies “well, snooker balls actually”.
    Doctor says “tell me more”
    Man explains “I start the day with a couple of red balls for breakfast, then I eat two whites and a yellow for lunch and normally for dinner I have a selection of blue, pink, brown and black balls”
    Doctor says “I see what the problem is”
    Man pleads “what is it Doc?”
    “You’re not getting enough greens”

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  • Therapy helps...but screaming obscenities is faster, cheaper, safer and a whole lot more fun!

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  • As an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac, I often lay awake wondering if there really is a Dog.

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  • One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.

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  • I was walking past a building site today when a man hammering on the roof called me a paranoid weirdo.....in morse code.

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  • Where do people with obsessive compulsive disorder live? Obsesame Street!

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  • Sometimes I question my sanity.

    Sometimes it replies.

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  • My room mate says I'm schizophrenic, huh, the joke's on him, I don't even have a room mate.

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  • How rude of you to listen in, when I'm talking to myself.

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  • Q. What’s the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at the mental hospital?
    A. The patients are the ones that eventually get better and go home!

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  • I’ve never had paranoid delusions. Somebody told me I did, but I know they’re lying.

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  • Mental illness runs in my family. Which is sort of weird, because my parents weren’t very athletic.

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  • I have bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety, disordered eating, and psychosis—which are more friends than I had in elementary school.

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  • Did you hear the one about the train conductor who pled not guilty by insanity?
    He had a real loco motive.

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  • The doctors say I suffer from insanity, but they have it all wrong.
    I enjoy every minute of it.

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  • Mickey Mouse calls his lawyer, he doesn’t answer and leaves a message.

    A few hours later the lawyer listens to the message and calls back Mickey

    “Hey Mick listen I understand you want to divorce Minnie but in the state of California insanity is not grounds for a divorce.”

    Mickey responds “ I didn’t say she was crazy I said she was fucking goofy.”

    * * * * *


  • My Doctor: "Have any members of your family suffered from insanity?"
    Me: " No, we all seem to enjoy it"

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  • Insanity is hereditary.
    You get it from your kids.

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  • There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.
    Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

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  • A blonde woman goes to the doctor
    She says "Doctor, I recently started talking to myself a lot and I'm worried about my mental health"

    He calms her down and says "Don't worry, people talk to themselves all the time, I do it too"

    So then she responds "Yeah but you're talking to a doctor, I'm just talking with this dumb blonde chick"

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  • *Hotline*: Pakistani Mental Health Hotline, how can I help you?

    *Caller*: My life sucks, I see no way out.

    *Hotline*: Do not worry, we are here to help you.

    *Caller*: I'm feeling suicidal. What should I do?

    *Hotline*: How close are you to India?

    *Caller*: Don't know exactly, maybe 400km.

    *Hotline*: So can you drive a truck?

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  • Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals.
    Due to their stable environment.

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  • I told my friend that I was feeling suicidal. He told me to talk to the mental health clinic for help
    They seemed totally against the idea, I guess I’ll do it myself.

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More crazy jokes about crazy, mad and mental people on the following pages...