250+ Music and musicians Jokes Collection.



- What do you call a cow that plays the guitar ?
- A moo-sician.

- TOP music joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Just had some amazing ideas for a quartet of hit songs - gonna make a four tune!

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  • I painted my trumpet turquoise and the other orchestra members are freaking out that I...

    Blue my own horn.

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  • Starting a band called The Radiators, at the moment we're just a warm up act.

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  • We started a band and called it "Books"
    So no one can judge us by our covers.

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  • Said to the wife the other day I've come over all Cliff Richard; she said Congratulations. Another day I told her I've come over all Tom Jones; she replied It's not unusual.

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  • A C major scale walks into a bar and orders a drink
    The bartender said "No, you're a minor"

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  • My girlfriend doesn’t believe that I have a favourite Spandau Ballet song, but it's True.

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  • Last night I had a dream that John Lennon and Gary Barlow formed a supergroup...
    Imagine that!

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  • Why doesn’t Ed have a girlfriend anymore?
    Sheeran!

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  • What do a clarinet and a lawsuit have in common?
    Everyone's relieved when the case is closed.

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  • A friend was in a band called the Powdered Potatoes. They had a smash hit.

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  • My neighbor just banged on the wall at 4am, lucky I was still up playing music. He banged again shouted “Can I get a little respect please?”
    I shouted back “I’m not a big fan of Aretha Franklin but I will play it just for you.”

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  • Why did Bach have so many children ?
    No stops on his organ !

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  • How do you make a bandstand?
    Take away their chairs.

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  • Why did JS Bach have so many children? Because he didn't have any organ stops.

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  • - Доктор, те дорогие лекарства, что вы прописали, мне не помогли!
    - А мне помогли.

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  • I came here to do two things: 'Love' and quote Anastacia, and I’m outta love, set me free and let me out this misery.

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  • Why wont the Russian musician sing songs about a river? The lyrics are too Volga.

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  • Performing Accapella versions of songs by U2.
    That really takes the Edge off.

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  • Some plumbers started a band. They call themselves...
    In sink.

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  • The music school printed registration forms on marble. They only want students who rock enroll.

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  • Went to the classical music record shop today but it was shut...

    The sign said; "Gone Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"

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  • My favourite composer is handle who then joined Hinge and bracket to form the doors..

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  • Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced.
    There's a lovely key change at the end.

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  • Just bought a Fatboy Slim satnav.
    Keeps saying right here right now.

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  • I went to a club that didn’t play 70’s music… At first I was afraid, I was petrified!

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  • "I hear Kylie Minogue wants to sing one of her songs in an alien language"
    "Like a Martian?"
    "No, I should be so lucky"

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  • My band has a new acoustic album called 'Life Support Machine' - unplugged.

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  • C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.

    The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors".

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  • - What sort of music is bad for balloons?
    - Pop.

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  • I started a revival band called the "Defibrillators".

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  • My careers adviser asked me what job I'd like to do.
    "Carpenter" I replied.
    "Really, why?"
    "Rainy days and Mondays always get me down."

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  • I put a bet on 3 horses today called Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times. They all lost.... I blame it on the bookie.

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  • My wife is slowly getting over her obsession with The New Kids On The Block.
    It's a step by step process.

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  • I love that Beach Boys song about the girl with the mahogany breasts !!
    If you don't know it I think it's called "Wooden Tit Be Nice "

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  • I've just seen Technotronic working in Dunkin Donuts. Was inevitable really, they love to pump up the jam.

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  • I bought a lettuce from a greengrocers owned by The Mamas & the Papas but it’s already gone off...

    All the leaves are brown.

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  • Fun Fact of The Day
    Phil Collins isn’t his real name.
    It’s a Sussudionym...

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  • Wife: "Where did you get that trombone?"
    Husband: "From him next door."
    Wife: "Why? You can't play it."
    Husband " I know but neither can he now."

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  • Lightning hit our local orchestra while playing in the bandstand, they were all ok though thanks to the conductor.

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  • Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

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  • Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

    They were yelling "Bach Bach Bach Bach"

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  • I recall getting stuck in ABBA's toilet. What a loo.

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  • As we say in Newcastle, Once you've heard one Kajagoogoo song you've heard Limahl.

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  • The grave robbers exhumed bob marleys coffin but failed to open the lid cus it kept jamming.

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  • I had a vinyl album called “Wasp Noises”, but when I played the first track it didn’t sound like a wasp and the second track didn’t sound like a wasp either...

    Then I realised I was playing the B side...

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  • Did you know that 1 Vanilli is exactly 1000 Millivanilli?!

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  • I tried to write a drinking
    song but I couldn't get
    past the first bar.

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  • Dancers took 5,6,7,8 because musicians took 1,2,3,4.

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  • A friend of mine is a guitar player, but you have to leave the door open for him. He can never find the right key to come in.

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  • I walked past the YMCA yesterday, and there was a teenage boy sat outside stroking some feathers...

    I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down...”

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  • When does a farmer dance? When the beet drops.

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  • "I went to a karaoke bar in South East Asia once...”

    “Singapore?”

    “Yeah, they were all rubbish.”

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  • I've started a band and called it Books so no one can judge us by our covers.

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  • I accidentally ruined my wife's Chic record.
    I hope she doesn't freak out.

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More Jokes about music and musicians on the following pages...