100+ jokes about plants, herbs and vegetables.



Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.

- TOP plant joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.

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  • I heard, that when the carrot died, there was a big turnip at his funeral.......

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  • Pollen is what happens when flowers can't keep it in their plants.

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  • “I’m worried that these plants are made of plastic”

    “They’re not”

    “Ah good. That’s a real leaf”

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  • What did the grape say when the fox stood on it? Nothing other than letting out a little wine.

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  • What do you call a tree that can’t figure out a riddle? Stumped.

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  • What did the plant say when it was hungry?
    I could use a light snack.

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  • They are taking down a palm tree next month
    I got a save the date invitation…

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  • What do you call a sad strawberry?

    A blueberry.

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  • What's a plumber's least favourite vegetable?

    Leeks.

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  • I couldn’t figure out why my flowers kept getting high until I realized they were all into pot.

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  • What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
    A cucumber.

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  • My wife wanted to brighten up the garden.

    So I planted some bulbs.

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  • I have a fear of roses. It's a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.

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  • What does a pear tree do before growing its fruit?..
    It prepares..

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  • Why do trees hate test?
    The questions stump them!

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  • Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?

    He just wanted to be a watermelon.

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  • My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with plants .....I said for crying out loud Petal where has this stemmed from?

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  • if a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathize?

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  • What did the broccoli say to the celery?
    Stop stalking me.

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  • Pollen, thats when flowers can't keep it in their plants.

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  • What veggies do sailors hate most?
    Leeks!

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  • What do you get when you cross a dog and a daisy????
    A cauliflower.

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  • Saw a plant cut into the shape of a skeleton. It was a bone-sai tree.

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  • What did the beaver say to the tree?
    It’s nice gnawing you!

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  • Trying to grow eggplants but I can't figure out how deep to bury the chicken.

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  • My wife just said our Garden needs Brightening up..
    So I've just planted some Bulbs..

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  • When do flowers become ghosts? When they've rose from the dead.

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  • Got a new eco-friendly suit made of cactus leaves.
    I look really sharp in it.

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  • A failed mushroom hunter is a man without morels.

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  • When a plant is hurt do you think the other's photosympathize with it?

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  • Why was the garlic naked? It had taken off all its cloves.

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  • What do you call a mushroom with a 12 inch willy?
    A fungi to be with.

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  • Customer: "Are these carrots genetically modified?"
    Shop assistant: "No, why do you ask?"
    Carrot: "Yeah, why do you ask?"

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  • Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?
    Not necescelery!

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  • if a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathize?

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  • Q: what did the tree say after a long winter?
    A: “what a reLeaf”

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  • Growing tomatoes is really the best way to devote 3 months of your life only to save $2.17.

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  • Why is it so dark in my garden?
    I planted several bulbs this morning.

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  • Onion rings.

    What sounds do other vegetables make?

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  • Dr. John Watson: "Sherlock, what is your favorite plant?"

    Sherlock Holmes: "A Lemon Tree, my dear Watson!"

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  • Why did the banana go to the Dr?
    It wasn’t peeling very well.

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  • I.m in hospital with food poisoning, its my own fault, l mistook a daffodil bulb for an onion, the doctors said I would be ok, l,l be out in the spring.

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  • I used to dread walking under horse chestnut trees in the autumn But after therapy.. I've managed to conker it.

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  • Went to the shop today to buy some lemons and apples, but they didn’t have any. It was a fruitless trip.

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  • I thought about becoming an arborist, but I realised I'd only ever be a branch manager.

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  • Another wooden ball!!! Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?? I have like 12 already.

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  • My indifference to roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.

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  • Mushroom walked into a bar and ordered a drink, the bar tender said we don't serve your kind, the mushroom said "why, I'm a fun guy"

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  • Why do trees hate riddles?

    Because they’re easily stumped

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  • Is the color called orange because of the fruit or is the fruit called orange because of the color?
    No, it's the other way round.

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  • Why was the baby jalapeño shivering?
    ... 🤔🙄🧐
    Because he was a little chili...

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  • I had an uncle who worked at a plant. His job was to make sure it was watered.

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  • I have a pet tree.
    It's like having a pet dog but its bark is quiet!

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  • A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, we dont serve your kind here. The mushroom asks. "why not? im a "fun guy".

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More hilarious plants jokes on the following pages...