30+ Hilarious Shopping Jokes That Will Really Give You A Lift.



Why do they call the shopping center the mall???
Because you don’t just go to one store you go to TheM all!!!!!

- BEST mall joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.

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  • Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.

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  • The butcher tried to sell me some cured bacon today. I said "No way. I want bacon that was never sick in the first place."

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  • Couple of friends went to a shop selling half price flat fish. Cheap skates.

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  • Me: How much for the punk cantaloupe?

    Cashier: That's a pineapple.

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  • Yesterday my wife sent me to the grocery store for kosher pork tenderloin. I went to 4 grocery stores, and none of them even heard of it. Last week she sent me out for a quart of duck milk. I’m beginning to get suspicious.

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  • I dunno about you but whenever I go to Dairy Queen, I always get the shakes.

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  • What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesy credit card? Go on a shopping brie.

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  • Just been stopped speeding in my wheelchair in Asda. Apparently I was going 90 aisles an hour.

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  • I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
    It's a total rip-off.

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  • Did you hear about the explosion at the discount clothing store? There were casual-tees everywhere…

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  • A Middle Eastern market is opening up in our neighborhood.
    How bazaar is that?

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  • Not to brag, but cashiers are always checking me out!!

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  • I really want to buy one of those supermarket checkout dividers, but the lady behind the cash register keeps putting it back.

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  • Me: Alexa, remind to go to the gym please?
    Alexa: I've added gin to your shopping list.
    Me: Close enough.

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  • I went to a seafood shop.
    I pulled a muscle.

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  • Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
    Every corner they get the open a shop on it!

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  • So I went to the binoculars shop the other day, tell you what, they saw me coming.

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  • Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
    Ones made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.

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  • Bought a new vacuum on Black Friday.
    It sucks!

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  • I used to go into shopping centres and rotate the body parts of the mannequins…I don’t think everyone noticed, but I certainly turned a few heads.

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  • Never do bedroom shopping while drunk
    It can lead to one nightstand.

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  • Customer: May I try on that dress in the window, please?
    Clerk: No, ma’am. You’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.

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  • They say don’t go grocery shopping while you’re hungry.
    But it’s been a week and I just keep getting hungrier.

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  • I saw a man with one arm shopping at a second hand store.
    I told him “you’re not going to find what you’re looking for.”

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  • Black Friday is a scam. You should be mad they overcharge you 364 days a year.

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  • Gap has announced plans to open its first retail stores in India and China. Tags on clothes and stickers on items will read, "Made Here."

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  • What does a ghost do when he's hungry?
    Go ghost-ry shopping.

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  • Where do dogs go after their tails fall off?
    The re-tail store.

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  • Why did Michael Jackson go shopping at the mall?
    He heard boys underwear was half off.

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  • What do you call a mall security guard with a military background?
    A Navy Wet Seal.

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  • What was the horse looking for at the mall? A Macintosh.

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  • What happens when a judge gets something to eat at the mall?
    He places an "Order in the food court".

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  • Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan? Because they are all Targets!

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  • What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.

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  • Why don't kittens like going to the mall?
    They prefer a cat-alogue.

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More shopping jokes on the following pages...