200+ Sports, fitness and athletic jokes that will make your day !



My father ran the marathon but my mother was a sprinter.
It was hard growing up with mixed-race parents.

- Random starter sports groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • Went to the pub last night dressed as a tennis ball, got served straight away.

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  • Have u ever wondered why India don't participate in world cup? Because Fifa can't accept 10min singing & dancing after every goal.

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  • Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team ?
    Because she kept running away from the ball !

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  • I'm pleased to announce that I've just finished a marathon.
    Or snickers as they are called today.

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  • I like going to the gym

    But everything there is really heavy.

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  • Skydiving and scuba are similar, skydivers just run out of air faster.

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  • Have u ever wondered why India don't participate in world cup? Because Fifa can't accept 10min singing & dancing after every goal.

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  • I have to admit that I've been hiding from exercise.!
    Yes,I'm in the fitness protection programme.

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  • My local football team have lost more matches than me trying to light a candle in the dark.

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  • Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn't work out.

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  • I can't tell you how much I hate going to the gym when I can't find a parking place close to the door...

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  • Did you hear about the athletic almond?

    Total fitness nut.

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  • I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

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  • Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?

    He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.

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  • Due to a sudden shortage of instructors, yoga students are being asked to be much more flexible.

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  • I like going to the gym

    But everything there is really heavy.

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  • At the gym, I decided to hop on the treadmill.

    People gave me weird looks so I started jogging instead..

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  • I was sent off during the cricket match for throwing roll-on deodorant at the batsmen. Apparently, you’re not meant to bowl under-arm.

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  • What country is filled with body builders?

    Liftuania.

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  • I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym I easily decided I'm never going again.

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  • Volleyball is just professional hot potato.

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  • A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark…
    So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

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  • Not to brag, but I just got a job as a fitness model.

    They hired me as the “before” picture.

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  • Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won't accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.

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  • I'm at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage.

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  • Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
    Because they have no skin in the game!

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  • I do two hours of cardio every day...

    But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.

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  • I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting.
    It’s not my strong suit.

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  • I go to the gym religiously.

    About twice a year around the holidays.

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  • I'm not allowed to do yoga on the plane, even though i have my pilates license.

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  • I'd rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.

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  • What do you do for exercise?
    I lift weights.

    What do you do for cardio?
    I lift weights faster.

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  • Q: Why did the exercise expert go to the beach?
    A: To get some mussels!.

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  • Winter sports fans need to accept it; Skiing is going downhill.

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  • DID YOU KNOW that exercise can add years to your life?! OH YES! For example, I've just ran 2 miles and now I feel like I’m 82...

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  • Why can’t Cinderella play soccer? She always runs away from the ball.

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  • Why should you never go for a jog if it is raining cats and dogs outside?
    You might step in a poodle!

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  • Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.

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  • Two body builders were argueing which exercise was best for them.
    They asked their coach to weigh in on the issue.

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  • I had a golf lesson the other day, the instructor said “ you need to cut about 6 inches off of the clubs” I said “will that improve my swing ?” He replied “No ! The clubs will then fit in the bin”.

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  • Volleyball is just professional hot potato.

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  • Gymnastics = A more intense version of the floor is lava.

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  • What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

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  • I used to play sports.
    Then realized you can buy trophies.
    Now I'm good at everything.

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  • Why can’t you take golfers seriously?
    They’re always playing a round.

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  • Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that's all I need to know about that.

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  • People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio.

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  • Golf, except there's no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.

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  • One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

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  • Q: Why is tennis such a loud sport?
    A: The players raise a racquet.

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  • Q: What is a ghosts favorite position in soccer?
    A: Ghoul keeper.

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  • Why did the basketball player go to jail?
    Because he shot the ball.

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  • I watched hockey before it was cool.
    It was swimming. I watched swimming.

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  • I'm pleased to announce that I've just finished a marathon.
    Or snickers as they are called today.

    * * * * *


  • what do you call a golfer drink?
    tee tea.

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  • Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.

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  • I can easily bench press 350 pounds…just not all at once.

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  • At first I thought my yoga instructor was lying
    Then I realized she was just stretching the truth.

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  • "Slow and steady wins the race."
    Unless it's one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed.

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  • My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.

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  • Every time I take up a sport, or exercise I meet new people ... usually they're paramedics...but they're new people.

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  • Why don't fish play Basketball?

    Because they're afraid of the net.

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  • To exercise I jump queues. It reduces my wait.

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  • I did a couple of laps around the gym today.
    Maybe next time I'll actually park my car and go in.

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  • I admitted to my girlfriend that I have become obsessed with Spanish Football, she said “why don’t you get a real hobby?” I said “it’s pronounced ‘Ray-al”

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  • I ran a half-marathon...

    Sounds much better than saying I quit halfway through a marathon...

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  • It’s been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress...
    I’m going there in-person to see what’s going on.

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  • Met a girl in the pub last night who said she'd show me a good time...
    Got outside, she ran 100m in 9.72 seconds....

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  • My father ran the marathon but my mother was a sprinter.
    It was hard growing up with mixed-race parents.

    * * * * *


  • I dont have a six pack but people say i'm ab-normal

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More Sports Jokes on the following pages...