30+ Hilarious Voicemail Greetings That Will Make Your Day 😎



Hello. I’m available right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

- BEST voicemail message from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Roses are red booger’s are green please leave your message on this stupid machine.

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  • Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

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  • Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep.

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  • If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.

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  • I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.

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  • Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

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  • Road Kill Cafe – you kill ’em, we grill ’em. Leave your order after the beep.

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  • Hello!! If it’s you, I’m not available, If it’s NOT you, leave A message!

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  • I’m not here right now, so you have two choices. You can:
    A.) Leave a message
    B.) Don’t leave a message
    You make the decision. It’s in your hands.

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  • If you want to know where I am, call a psychic. If you’re too lazy to do that just leave me a message.

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  • Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

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  • Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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  • The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.

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  • Hey, you have reached my voicemail. You should just hang up and text me because you’re an idiot to think I would pick up. BYE!

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  • I have nothing to say to you. So leave a message.

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  • You know the drill.

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  • Hi. Now you say something.

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  • Voicemail. Speak.

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  • Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

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  • Hey, it’s Bratusnet. I’m trying to spice up my voicemail, so if you’re going to leave a message, please make it rhyme.

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  • In an attempt to crack down on spam and nearly-sentient robots, please provide the captcha below to confirm you are a human before being allowed to access Bratusnet voicemail.

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  • Hi, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to the phone but if you hop 3 times, spin around, touch your nose and say your name, then leave me a message after the beep, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

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  • I can’t come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don’t remember. I’d appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thank you!

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  • You know what I hate about voicemail messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, “We aren’t in, leave a message.” That’s why I’ve decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me.

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  • Bratusnet voicemail is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

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  • Hello. I’m not here right now, so leave a message! Make it short, make it sweet, or I’ll have to press delete.

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  • Please repeat the secret code and if you get it right, I will call you back!

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  • This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

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  • Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

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  • Hi, this is Bratusnet. If you’re part of the problem, hang up now. If you’re part of the solution, leave a message.

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More hilarious voicemail greetings on the following pages...