Hilarious jokes about HATE that will make your day 🤪!



My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and burn them...

I did that, and feel much better, but I am wondering, do I keep the letters?

- Random starter hate groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • I hate going to MC Hammer's house. He wont let me touch anything.

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  • I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato!

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  • I don’t hate you…I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.

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  • Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.

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  • People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.

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  • A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
    "Look, it's not the same hat."
    "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."
    "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
    The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.
    One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
    They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

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  • I hate when people use capital letters inappropriately.
    It's not that I'm pedantic,

    it's just that I'm extremely case-sensitive.

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  • I hate spelling errors.
    Mix up a couple letters and your whole post is urined.

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  • I hate insects puns, they really bug me. 🐜

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  • I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror.🤗

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  • Don't you hate when people answer their own questions? I do.

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  • Q: What do homosexuals and mice have in common?
    A: They both hate pussy!

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  • I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. 😁

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  • I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend."
    Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." 🔥

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  • It’s fun to do but you hate knowing your parents do it too. What is it?
    Facebook.

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  • Never objectify any woman. It hates that.

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  • I really hate telling people that I'm a taxidermist so instead when people ask me what I do for a living I say...you know....stuff 😎

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  • I hate it when people say age is only a number.

    Age is clearly a word. 😎

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  • I remember when I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.

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  • My wife hates it when I make jokes about her weight.
    She needs to lighten up....!

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  • I hate to hear that the cemetery groundskeeper died. Poor guy. Always so busy. He'll be buried in his work forever now.

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  • I could never be a taxi-driver... I hate people talking behind my back.

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  • Don't you hate it at the airport when everyone has got better looking luggage than you?
    It's a worst case scenario.

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  • We have hired a woman named Helen Wate to deal with all the sooks & haterz If you have a complaint....go to HELEN WATE!

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  • I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.

    It’s not like I did anything.

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  • My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.
    Eventually she came round.

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  • I hate sausages. They’re the wurst.

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  • I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror.

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  • I've just paid for my wife and her mother to go to Paris for 2 weeks.
    That's how much I hate the fucking French.

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  • My goat ate my DVD of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest,
    Which is surprising because he hated the book .

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  • I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.

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  • On his deathbed, a husband gasped weakly to his wife, "Please, my dear, I want you to grant me one last wish."
    "What is it?", she asked.
    "Six months after I die, I want you to marry Ken from next door."
    "But I thought you hated Ken?", she said.
    "I do", said the husband.

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  • I hate it when people talk and eat loud in the cinema.
    Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!

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  • I went to the cinema to watch “Harry Potter”
    ...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied “So am I. He hated the book”

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  • Q: What do homosexuals and mice have in common?
    A: They both hate pussy!

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  • "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

    After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

    "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

    "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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  • A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

    “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man.

    “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

    The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

    “I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

    “I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

    “Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

    “Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

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  • Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
    A: Fingernails.

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  • One day a man went to an auction. When an exotic parrot went on the auction block, the man decided he was going to buy it, no matter what. He wanted the bird so badly, he didn’t think twice about the anonymous bidder who was outbidding him–he just kept bidding, and getting outbid, and bidding higher and higher until he finally won the bird at a price that anyone would call a rip-off. Despite his disappointment about the price, the beautiful bird was his at last!

    As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid so much for it, only to discover that he can’t speak!”

    “Oh, don’t you worry,” said the Auctioneer. “He’s a talker. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

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  • Isn’t it weird that to sleep, you trick yourself into thinking you’re asleep.

    and to wake up, you trick yourself into thinking you don’t hate life.

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  • Chinese chefs don't mind cooking out doors--but they hate wokkin' in the rain!

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  • I love cooking children and dogs...but I hate using commas.

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  • "I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield

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  • I hate the stigma around mental health
    Immediately when I got medication for schizophrenia, my friends won't talk to me anymore.

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  • I orgasmed in the tub last night.

    The wife fucking hates it when I call her that.

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  • The degree to which one hates mosquitoes is typically based on how much mosquitoes love them.

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  • Things I hate:
    1) Lists
    B) Irony
    iii) Inconsistencies

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  • My least favourite colour is purple.

    I hate it more than blue and red combined.

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  • I hate it when you're making your way home drunk, just minding your own business, and someone steps on your fingers.

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  • Which day do potatoes hate?
    Fry-day!

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  • I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get dough nuts.

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  • I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.

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  • Don't u hate it when u offer food and the other person says yes ?

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  • Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
    Because then the children have to play inside.

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  • I hate it when people get simple sayings wrong.
    I mean it's not rocket surgery!

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  • She fell in love with an acupuncturist but hated how he kept needling her.

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  • I hate it when people pretend to be clever and talk about Mozart as if they are familiar with his painting.

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  • Who's the rapper that fat people hate the most?
    Cardi-O B.

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  • Took the dog for a walk yesterday, I remembered to take poo bags...
    Although, my wife really hates that nickname.

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  • What’s the difference between an angler and a dunce?
    One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.

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  • Why do worms hate getting up in the morning?
    Because the early bird catches the worm!

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  • I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy...
    It’s not like I did anything.

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  • I don't hate lazy people anymore.
    Found someone else who does it for me.

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  • Why does George W Bush hate math so much? Because of the Al Gore ithms.

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  • I hate snakes and worms because they have no feet...
    You could say I'm lacktoes intolerant!

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  • I really hate being at the airport and seeing everyone else has trendier luggage than me.
    It's a real worst case scenario.

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  • I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence. I mean .. enough is enough!!

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  • i hate lying to my parents
    but
    it's for their own good.

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  • What kind of car does a dog hate?
    CorVETS.

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  • Why does Mozart hate chickens?

    All they talk about is "Bach, Bach, Bach"

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