100+ Christmas, Santa and elves jokes.



Did you know that Father Christmas has a daughter?
Her name is Mary Christmas.

- TOP Christmas joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • How does Santa take photos? With his North Polearoid.

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  • Spotted Santa’s assistant taking a photo in a mirror. Think it was an elfie.

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  • What do pirates use to decorate their ship for Christmas?
    Garrr-land.

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  • What is orange and fizzy and comes down the chimney at Christmas? Fanta Claus.

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  • I ate a string of Christmas bulbs last night. It was a pretty light dinner.

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  • Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
    A: Beast Buy.

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  • What do you call a Christmas wreath that is made of $100 bills??? Aretha Franklins!!

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  • A couple is walking in St.Petersburg on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.
    “I think it’s raining,” says the man.
    “No, it’s snowing,” says the woman.
    “How about we ask this communist officer? He is always right. Is it raining or snowing, Officer Rudolph?”
    “Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph says before walking off.
    The man turns to his wife,
    “See, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.”

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  • What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day?
    St. O'Claus.

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  • How does Santa take photos? With his North Polearoid.

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  • I gave my girlfriend a mink for Christmas. She hasn't cleaned its cage once! .. How bloody ungrateful!

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  • Why is it hard to wash the dishes at Christmas? Because the Fairy is on top of the tree...

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  • Q: what goes oh oh oh?
    A: Santa walking backwards.

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  • Why did Santa put his CDs in the snow? He wanted some cool music...

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  • Happy New Year!

    (I know it's early, but I suffer from premature congratulation)

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  • I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anyone.

    Apologize to me now.

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  • Just a quick reminder, anyone that's recived a book from me for Christmas, they're due back at the library by the 21st.

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  • I gave my nephew 3 socks for Christmas. Her mom told me that he's grown another foot just this year.

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  • I asked Santa for a new butt for Christmas because mine has a crack in it.

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  • I told my fiancee I’d forgotten to buy her a Xmas present. She said OK as it’s Boxing Day you can have your ring back.

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  • I got a broken drum for Christmas...No one can beat that 😃

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  • I said to my girlfriend on Christmas morning.. Babe, I'd like to make you mine...
    I'd love that she replied with tears in her eyes..
    I said great, I've bought you a pick, now go and find me some gold.

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  • What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he saw a thunderstorm?

    Looks like reindeer.

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  • If a gingerbread man sprains his ankle, does he walk with a candy cane?

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  • Short Christmas Jokes

    What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
    It's Christmas, Eve !

    How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
    Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

    What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
    The letter "D" !

    What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
    Santa Claustrophobia !

    What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
    Black mail !

    Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
    Santa Paws !

    Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
    Because it soots him !

    Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
    Elephanta Claus !

    How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
    Stacks !

    Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
    Because he's Sooty !

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  • What did the convict get for Christmas?

    A cell phone.

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  • How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?

    Just 25, cause there’s Noel.

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  • Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles...

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  • I got an Egyptian mummy for Xmas. Took bloody ages to unwrap it!

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  • I wanted a puppy for Christmas.

    The kids insist we have a turkey as usual.

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  • The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.

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  • What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells...

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  • Santa is almost here ... I’m sensing his presents.

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  • What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws...

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  • Happy Christmas Adam Everyone!

    You know the day that came before
    Christmas Eve!

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  • I just opened a Christmas card filled with rice...it was from uncle Ben!

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  • My best friend bought me a lovely watch for Christmas last year.
    ...It's never worked though .. I should have told her..
    .... it's just never been the right time..

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  • What do young reindeer want for Christmas? A pony sleigh station.

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  • What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an ipad? A Pineapple.

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  • BREAKING :A thief has been stealing Christmas jumpers in order of size...
    Police spokesperson said he’s still at large...

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  • What is the difference between St George and Santa’s reindeer? One slays a dragon, the others are dragging a sleigh.

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  • If anyone is alone this Christmas and has no one to spend the Holiday with,
    let me know.
    I need to borrow some Chairs

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  • Get your relatives speaking to one another again by sending them a heartfelt Christmas card with a picture of your family including an extra child that nobody has ever seen before.

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  • I didn't realize how lopsided and uneven our Christmas tree was until we got home. I'm so mad that we might have to bring it back.
    I just can't stand it.

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  • Don't worry about the rumours that Santa has had to elf-isolate. Because of all the reindeer, he has herd immunity.

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  • What do Santa’s elves listen to when they are working? .......Wrap music

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  • “Is it ok if I finish off a few days early this Christmas?”
    I asked my boss.

    “No it isn’t” he shouted. “Put your Santa beard back on and get inside the grotto, there’s a line of kids waiting to see you.”

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  • Santa told me that I've been very good this year.
    I told him it was due to lack of opportunity.

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  • This year I plan on being a Christmas pudding.
    Small, round, drenched in alcohol and disliked by most people.

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  • Took my young son to see Santa yesterday and he stank of booze and fags.

    God knows what Santa thought...

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More Christmas, Santa and elves jokes on the following pages...