555+ Fresh Dad Jokes to make you burst with laughter.



I couldn't understand why my dog was motionless. Then I realized...
It was on paws.

- Random starter science joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • You cannot take a picture
    of a guy with a wooden leg,
    you have to use
    a camera. 📷

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  • If you saw a dude wearing a suit of armor happily singing outside, would you...
    Just close your curtains and call it a knight??

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  • Son: "Dad, why are you wearing a suit made of crackers?"

    Dad: "I'm puttin' on the ritz!"

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  • What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
    A mushroom! 🍄

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  • What do coffee lovers feel when they run out of coffee?
    Depresso!

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  • What colour are submarines? Deep Navy.

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  • How did the hen feel on Monday? Eggshausted!

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  • How do you make time go fast on Monday? Throw a clock!

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  • What did the cashew say on Monday morning? Monday always drives me nuts!

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  • Dad: Someone here is possessed by an Owl.

    Son: Who?
    Dad: Mhmm guess we found it

    * * * * *


  • Rather than replace the laces I lost in a wash, I'm going to buy velcro for my shoes. Why knot?

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  • “Every time you light a lighter,the lighter the lighter is”.

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  • The term
    "Dad Bod"
    is so offensive
    I prefer...
    "Father Figure"

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  • What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.

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  • I wanted to bring a penguin home but my dad said that wasn't going to fly.

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  • My son video called me this morning. He said “Dad, couldn’t you have given me a better name than video?"

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  • The hiking shop employs people from all walks of life.

    * * * * *


  • What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shift?

    A flat miner.

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  • Wife:(from kitchen)"You want chicken wings?"
    Him:(yells back)"No I want...😎...brave wings!!"
    Her:"What?"
    Him:"What?"

    * * * * *


  • What do sheep wear to bed?
    Baaajamas.

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  • How did Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?
    He had a whale of a time!

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  • “Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”
    “No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”

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  • Hey Doc! Can you throw an extra stitch in there?
    First joke immediately after becoming a Dad for the first time.

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  • Dad - Hey! You know how to count to three in Roman numerals?
    Family member - I, II, III...?
    Dad - You don't have to stutter, just say you don't know!

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  • A dragon would never explode but a dino might.

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  • What’s the best way to count cows?
    With a cowculator.

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  • I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad!

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  • "What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."

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  • Dad holding up
    a chunk of lettuce on his fork:
    You may think this is a wedge of lettuce, but it’s really just the tip of the iceberg!

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  • What mammal serves in the military? An Armydillo.

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  • My son wouldn’t stop climbing over the back of the boat so I gave him a stern warning.

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  • When a dad joke has been around a long time does it become a grandpa joke?

    * * * * *


  • My dad always insisted on feeding me alphabet soup…it wasn’t till years later I realised he was just putting words into my mouth.

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  • what do you call a crying cow?
    mooody.

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  • Dad's do NOT snore! We simply dream we're a motorcycle.

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  • How do you count cows?
    With a cowculator.

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  • How do you train to be a pirate?
    You have to attend a semin-arrrgh.

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  • What kind of house weighs the least?
    A lighthouse.

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  • Dad: Do you know the word STOP?
    Kid: Yes
    Dad: Spell it
    Kid: S-T-O-P
    Dad: IT. I asked you to spell IT

    * * * * *


  • What kind of boat do talkative people sail? A chatamaran.

    * * * * *


  • What kind of newspaper do cows read

    The moo York times.

    * * * * *


  • What kind of newspaper do cows read

    The moo York times.

    * * * * *


  • Dad yelling: Has anyone seen my hammerfor
    Me: What the heck’s a hammerfor?
    Dad: Knocking in nails!

    * * * * *


  • It’s a fact that most people won’t make an appointment to see the dentist until after 2:30.

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  • My son said to me "is it Summer out in the ocean?", i said "do yo mean the sea son"

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  • What tastes better than it smells?
    A tongue!

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  • Have you got bills to pay? If you do, please give it back. He looks silly bald.

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  • I dropped some mint candy on my foot, now i have a tic-tac toe.

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  • Why don't you see the energizer bunny's dad?

    He went to the shop to get some milk and kept going, and going, and going.

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  • A truck carrying a load of candy crashed! It was a candy crush!

    * * * * *


  • What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and an angry cow?
    Two animals in a baaaaaaad moooooood.

    * * * * *


  • What did the orange say to the lemon??
    Hello lemon.

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  • If Noah wanted to save the dinosaurs, he should have buit the jurassic ark.

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  • What kind of key opens a banana?
    A monkey!!!

    * * * * *


  • Q: Why did the lawn mower quit it's job?
    A: It was tired of being pushed around.

    * * * * *


  • Where do crows go to clean up?
    The Caw-Wash.

    * * * * *


  • The invisible man came up to me and started telling me some great big lies -
    but I could see right through him.

    * * * * *


  • You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but I hear they can’t keep their heads above water.

    * * * * *


  • A store was selling paddles 2 for 1. Everyone went crazy. Lineups galore. Almost started a riot. I guess it was a big oar deal.

    * * * * *


  • Why did the giant rip off the top of a mountain?
    He wanted to take a peak.

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  • Mother hens show their chicks how to behave by setting a good eggsample.

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  • What do you call a pea that's in a bad mood? Grumpy.

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  • How do chickens understand things? They use hencyclopedias.

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  • What do you call a smart sun?
    Bright.

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  • Why did the banana stay the night at his friends house? He was slipping over.

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  • Why didn’t the dog want to wrestle??

    He was a boxer.

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  • Teacher asked a little kid "how old is your dad"?
    Kid - "6 years old Miss"
    Teacher - how can he be 6 years old?

    Kid- he became a dad when I was born. 😎

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  • DAD: today am not okay, am feeling dizzy and seeing stars 🌟 🌟
    SON: have you seen the doctor?
    DAD:no, only stars.

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  • Went to the local store to get some screws.
    He said how long do you want them ?
    I said I was hoping to keep them.

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  • How do trains eat?

    Chew chew chew.....

    * * * * *


  • Kid: "Dad what's leather made from?"
    Dad: "Hide".
    Kid: "What???"
    Dad: "Hide... a cows outside".
    Kid: "I'm not afraid of a cow..."

    * * * * *


  • Son: Dad, where do you work?
    Me: I hunt extraterrestrials
    Son: Extraterrestrials don't exist!
    Me: Have you seen one?
    Son: No...
    Me: You're welcome...

    * * * * *


  • Son: Where are my sunglasses?
    Dad: I don't know... where are my dadglasses?

    * * * * *


  • What does a snowman take when hes feeling ill?

    A chill pill.

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  • What kind of cup doesn't hold water? Cupcake.

    * * * * *


  • Son: "Dad, why are you wearing a suit made of crackers?"

    Dad: "I'm puttin' on the ritz!"

    * * * * *


  • What’s the difference between a foot and a camera?
    The foot has five toes.
    The camera has photos.

    * * * * *


  • How do Brazilians get ready for bed?
    They put their paj-amazon!

    * * * * *


  • What noise annoys an oyster?
    Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster most.

    * * * * *


  • Why did the sun go to school?
    To get brighter.

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