50+ Ex Jokes about ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-husbands, ex-wifes.



Your Ex asking to be friends after breaking up is like kidnappers asking you to 'keep in touch' after letting you go...

- TOP ex joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • I tell you who could always see right through people, my ex Ray.

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  • I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend.
    She was still obsessed with her x.

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  • My Ex took it personal when Santa said Ho Ho Ho.

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  • My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN, I sure am LUCKY!I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!

    * * * * *


  • What's the difference between a husband and an ex-boyfriend?
    One kisses the Mrs. and the other misses the kisses

    * * * * *


  • My last girlfriend she
    was like a drug.
    My ex-Stacy.

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  • What do you call a divorced person who just took a shower?
    A clean-ex.

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  • For $5 I'll comment on your exes new relationship photos saying "you've had better".

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  • I miss my ex-girlfriend, we split up over her constant habit of counting..
    Wonder what she’s up to now..

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  • Фира, не выноси мне мозг!
    Яша, так его туда и не заносили.

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  • I sent a food parcel to my former wife, Fed Ex.

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  • My ex-girlfriend and I met each other while running the London Marathon last year.

    It was a long-distance relationship.

    * * * * *


  • Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you ... As a joke

    * * * * *


  • I made a graph showing my past relationships.

    It has an eX axis and a whY axis.

    * * * * *


  • I made a graph for my past relationships.

    It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.

    * * * * *


  • My wife was in tears when she called me from A&E, I said what's wrong, she said I've just seen my x-ray, I said dont talk to him, just ignore him.

    * * * * *


  • I'm developing a meal service for divorcees. I'm thinking of calling it Fed Ex.

    * * * * *


  • My Ex-Girlfriend was a keen Cyclist.
    I used to follow her everywhere in the Car.
    In the end we broke up because I wasn't giving her enough space.

    * * * * *


  • My ex asked me how my life was.
    Nothing but my passwords have changed.

    * * * * *


  • My Ex-Girlfriend was heavily into Feng Shui and always had to decorate each room herself.
    But since she moved out the Tables have turned.

    * * * * *


  • I can't believe what a lucky guy I am...
    First I win the lottery and then my ex wife calls to say she wants us to get back together.

    * * * * *


  • My ex gf was so thin, she only weighed about ninety pounds, I had to buy a single bed so I could sleep next to her.

    * * * * *


  • I was having a big argument with my ex and she said.....Well your friends Dave and Chris both want to date me, I wonder who will be the lucky one..
    I said, well I think you will end up with Chris, so clearly Dave will be the lucky one.

    * * * * *


  • My ex has 3 spirit animals.
    Lion, Ass, Cheetah.

    * * * * *


  • Although me and my Ex-Wife got divorced, we still live on the Goat Farm together.
    It's important to stay together for the Kids.

    * * * * *


  • I saw my ex girlfriend standing on the other end of the museum hall, but I was too self conscious to go say hello.

    There was just too much history between us.

    * * * * *


  • Your ex told me you remind her of her Christmas tree...
    Your balls are only there for decoration purposes!

    * * * * *


  • I took out my ex today!
    Being a sniper is amazing.

    * * * * *


  • How does a pirate greet his ex wife?
    Ahore.

    * * * * *


  • What does a gamer call his ex-wife’s vagina?
    His ex-box.

    * * * * *


  • After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
    But she still won’t admit she framed me.

    * * * * *


  • My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you"
    Now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that.

    * * * * *


  • My ex just called and asked if she can sleep at my place because a stalker has been coming to her house at night.
    So nice of her to save me the gas money.

    * * * * *


  • What’s the difference between my ex and a bowl of spaghetti?
    Spaghetti wiggles when I eat it.

    * * * * *


  • Im not saying my ex girlfriend was fat.
    But all my thoughts revolve around her.

    * * * * *


  • How long does it take my ex wife to screw in a light bulb?
    Ha! My ex screwing, that’s a good one.

    * * * * *


  • A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a bar.
    “I had sex with another woman last night,” he tells her. “But I was thinking of you the whole time.”

    “You miss me that much?” she asks.

    “No,” he says. “But it kept me from cumming too fast.

    * * * * *


  • I told my ex to join the anti-vax community.
    Clearly, he needs to be surrounding by other people who don’t last long.

    * * * * *


  • Guess who just got 17 missed calls from their ex...
    my ex.

    * * * * *


  • My ex-wife was a great housekeeper.
    She kept the house.

    * * * * *


  • My ex was really good at blowjobs.
    Just a pity I found out from my friends.

    * * * * *


  • I'm not saying my ex is fat...
    But my memory foam mattress took a year to forget her.

    * * * * *


  • My girlfriend broke up with me today but it’s ok, She said we can still be cousins.

    * * * * *


  • Fruit is like ex-wives.
    They both look really good hanging from a tree.

    * * * * *


  • My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

    * * * * *


  • A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

    * * * * *


  • My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

    * * * * *


  • Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horse and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

    * * * * *


  • I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

    * * * * *


  • I was walking down the street when i thought i smelled my ex’s perfume, turns out i was standing in front of a fish market.

    * * * * *


  • I just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher.

    * * * * *


  • What is the difference between a coconut and your ex? One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at the other one is a coconut.

    * * * * *


  • My Ex texted me this morning
    "Wish you were here"
    He always does that when he walks through a cemetery.

    * * * * *


  • My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

    * * * * *


  • I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex’s, so I was completely alone.

    * * * * *


More Jokes about ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-husbands and ex-wifes on the following pages...