BEST Halloween jokes.



Q: What did the frog dress up for on Halloween?
A: A prince.

- TOP Halloween joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • What do rednecks do for Halloween?
    Pump kin.

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  • Why is Halloween a pedophiles favorite DAY?
    Free delivery.

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  • Why do pumpkins sit on porches? They have no hands to knock on the door.

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  • I stabbed a vampire, beat some zombies to death and killed the devil himself...

    My wife rushed into the room and shouted, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES."

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  • 2 men were walking home after a Halloween party & decided to take a shortcut through the cemetary just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetary they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping sound coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear they found an old man with a chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. Holy cow Mister, one of them said after catching his breath. You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing, working so late? Those fools, the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

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  • What do you call a hot dog with no meat in It?
    A hollow weenie!

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  • word of warning! never tell someone how good you think their Halloween mask is, until you are sure they are wearing one!

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  • For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.

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  • Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween.
    I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming up to their door.

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  • I had a big row with my wife last Halloween. I yelled at her, “When you finally die, I’m getting you a headstone that says, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever’.”

    “Yeah well,” she shouted back, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that says, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.'”

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  • The best part about Halloween is that the cobwebs in my house look like decorations.

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  • My wife said to me yesterday, “Honey, I think we should do something really scary for the kids this Halloween.”
    I said, “Well, we could always take them to your mother’s.”

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  • Last Halloween there was a knock on the door. I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”

    She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”
    My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

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  • Halloween is easily the scariest night of the year, what with the dead rising from their graves…
    and fat girls thinking they look sexy dressed as cats.

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  • A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, “Trick or treat?”

    I looked at him and asked, “What have you come as?”

    He said, “A werewolf.”

    I said, “But you’re not wearing a costume. You’ve just got your normal clothes on.”

    He said, “Yeah well, it’s not a full moon yet, is it?”

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  • Q: Why are pumpkins better than men?
    A: Every year you get a fresh crop to choose from.

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  • I’m not saying my son is ugly…But on Halloween he went to tell the neighbors to turn down their TV and they gave him some candy.

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  • Q: Why do we carve pumpkins at Halloween?
    A: Because they have less blood and aren’t as messy as animals.

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  • Q: What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
    A: They gave him the cold shoulder.

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  • Q: What health insurance do Halloween creatures use?
    A: Medi-scare.

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  • Q: What do you call an annoying pumpkin who does stupid stuff?
    A: A jack-ass-o-lantern.

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  • - What does a zombie get when it bites a ghost?
    - A mouth full of sheet!

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  • - How do you unlock a door on Halloween?
    - With a spoo-key!

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  • - Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles?
    - Because they just had their brains scooped out!

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More jokes about Halloween on the following pages...