50+ Lazy jokes that will make your day !



I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online.
My boss was furious.

- TOP lazy joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Ambition a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

    * * * * *


  • If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to accept my medal.

    * * * * *


  • If I was rich, I'd do nothing all day from a much nicer couch.

    * * * * *


  • I'm not interesting...
    I'm into resting.

    * * * * *


  • Which is the
    laziest tissue
    in the world?
    A nap-kin.

    * * * * *


  • Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.

    * * * * *


  • I'm super lazy today.

    Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.

    * * * * *


  • I've deviced a new labour saving idea. It's called Tomorrow!

    * * * * *


  • Wife: "What are you doing?"
    Me; "Nothing."
    Wife; "You did that yesterday."
    Me; "Well, I haven't finished."

    * * * * *


  • The trouble with doing nothing is...you can't stop to rest.

    * * * * *


  • I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

    * * * * *


  • Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

    * * * * *


  • If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd probably come in fourth so I wouldn't need to walk up to the podium.

    * * * * *


  • You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

    * * * * *


  • If I had a pound for every time someone called me lazy.
    I'd have enough money to not need a job.

    * * * * *


  • If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

    * * * * *


  • People from the neighborhood were complaining that their mailman was being super lazy.
    He was making all the babies, but the doctor was doing all of the deliveries.

    * * * * *


  • Lazy people find the most strangest reasons not to do something.
    I would make a list but, it's Monday and I just fed the cats.

    * * * * *


  • Somebody said today that I'm lazy.
    I nearly answered him.

    * * * * *


  • Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk? - Oh Harry, that would be lovely! - Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?

    * * * * *


  • When I was married, I walked into my living room with a sheep under my arm... My lazy asss wife was sitting on the couch watching TV... I said “This is the pig that I f*ck when you’re not around...” She said “That’s not a pig, assshole, that’s a sheep...” I said “I was talking to the sheep...”:

    * * * * *


  • What do you call a country full of lazy people?
    A procrastination.

    * * * * *


  • Lazy is a very strong word!
    I prefer to call it Selective Participation.

    * * * * *


  • How do you stop a lazy useless piece of shit?
    I'll let you know tomorrow.

    * * * * *


  • Facts About Lazy People #389479305784
    You were too lazy to read that number...

    * * * * *


  • I'm super lazy today....
    Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.

    * * * * *


  • What did the lazy dentist say to his patient with crooked teeth?
    Brace yourself.

    * * * * *


  • Just been shopping with the wife, and out of the nowhere she shouted "YOU ARE SO BLOODY LAZY"
    I was so surprised I almost fell out of the trolley!

    * * * * *


  • I don't hate lazy people anymore.
    Found someone else who does it for me.

    * * * * *


  • I figured out why lazy people are going to love self-driving cars.
    It's because they have no drive.

    * * * * *


  • Say what you will about Americans being fat and lazy...
    but active shooters are always determined, dedicated, and in shape.

    * * * * *


  • My lazy neighbor is retiring and joining a nudist colony...
    ...he said he just wanted a place where he could hang out.

    * * * * *


  • At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy.
    I loved that wheelchair.

    * * * * *


  • If I had to describe myself in 3 words.
    lazy.

    * * * * *


  • Like a lazy tailor would say...
    Suit yourself.

    * * * * *


  • The people who create math worksheets are so lazy.
    They create a bunch of problems and expect other people to solve it for them.

    * * * * *


  • There was a very very lazy man in a village. He was so lazy he didn't do anything for himself.

    It got so bad that the men of the village decided it would be best to just bury him cuz he was just so lazy and useless.

    So they came to his house, grabbed him and carried him away to be buried.

    While carrying him to his grave, one of the men felt pity and said that maybe if they married him to one of his daughters he would change.

    The men asked the lazy man would he be up for that?
    The lazy man asked the father .... Is your daughter pregnant?
    The father says no.
    The lazy man says "take me to my grave.

    * * * * *


  • What do lazy cannibals eat?
    The vegetables.

    * * * * *


  • I'm so lazy...
    I don't even finish my...

    * * * * *


  • Today we buried our lazy teacher.
    We put him in an unmarked grave.

    * * * * *


  • During rainy days, I and my lazy dog are competing who sleeps the deepest and the longest.
    I am the underdog in this fight.

    * * * * *


  • What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
    A pouch potato.

    * * * * *


  • In 2019 if you were unemployed and stayed home all day playing video games, you were a lazy bum.
    In 2020 this would make you a responsible adult.

    * * * * *


  • My wife is leaving me because I'm too lazy. "Pack your bags and go," she said..
    "You pack them." I replied.

    * * * * *


  • I was born with a lazy eye...
    ...and it spread to the rest of my body.

    * * * * *


  • I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy...
    It’s not like I did anything.

    * * * * *


  • Depression/suicide jokes are basically yo mama jokes of our generation — they're lazy, unfunny and useless.
    Just like me.

    * * * * *


  • Yo momma is so lazy...
    She took 9 months to deliver the joke.

    * * * * *


  • What kind of exercise do lazy people do ?
    Diddly-squats.

    * * * * *


  • What do you call a lazy man in space?
    A procrastonaut.

    * * * * *


More lazy jokes on the following pages...