250+ Ironic, sardonic and cynical jokes to make you burst with laughter.



You know that beer holder on the wall in the shower?
My wife calls it a soap dish. You learn something new everyday!

- TOP ironic joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • People have told me I have a messiah complex but that’s OK, I forgive them.

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  • When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."

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  • It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.

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  • We all make mistakes... I just do it better than everyone else.

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  • We encourage people to do what they love but we judge them when they actually do it.

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  • My main hobby is trying to remember what I just said.

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  • A garage sale is actually a Garbage sale but the 'b' is silent.

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  • My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I've put in place for burglars.

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  • I did not trip... the floor looked like it needed a hug.

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  • If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well for me anyway.

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  • It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.

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  • Accidentally used the dog's shampoo today, and I'm feeling like such a good boy.

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  • I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.

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  • I'm like a superhero with no powers or motivation.

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  • I may not be as sharp or young or good looking or funny or active or talented um... I forgot where I was going with this.

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  • They say "revenge is a dish best served cold". They also say "revenge is sweet".
    So basically, Revenge is Ice Cream.

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  • Sometimes when I have my life together, I sit back and think to myself "Now, that was a great 45 seconds."

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  • If you ever need someone who's terrible at hiding, you know where I am.

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  • My house isn't messy, just customs designed.

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  • Maybe there's no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.

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  • Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.

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  • Things I've learned: There's no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.

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  • I often confuse reptiles & amphibians. Actually, if I'm brutally honest,they pretty much never know what I'm talking about.

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  • The worst part about losing your glasses is needing your glasses to find them.

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  • I have learned so much from my mistakes that I'm thinking of making a few more... (just to make sure)

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  • The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.

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  • Isn't It Ironic?
    My wife was trying to explain to me that I didn't know what irony meant, which was ironic because I had just taken a shower.

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  • Know what’s ironic?
    A computer asking me if I’m a robot.

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  • If I promise to miss you, will you go, like, really far away?

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  • I have no problems with keeping a secret. It is the people who I tell those secrets to, who can't stay hush.

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  • It is an irony that the math book looks so happy despite having so many problems.

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  • What's the three most important words for every married man. It's my fault.

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  • The irony of life is that by the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you’re not going anywhere.

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  • If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.

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  • Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.

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  • If there was an award for the least effective way to clean things, I would sweep the table.

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  • For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.

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  • PRETTY? What I do when I see someone pretty? I smile, I stare, and then when I get tired I put the mirror down...

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  • I’m considering becoming a mind reader...
    What are your thoughts?

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  • It's What's Inside That Matters... the fridge is a perfect example!

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  • I'm a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker.

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  • I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.

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  • Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do!!

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  • The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff.

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  • The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.

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  • Ironically, of all the phobias that people suffer from, the fear of heights is right near the top.

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  • Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions?

    I know I do.

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  • It's unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.

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  • My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.

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  • When I die, I'd like the word 'Humble' to be written on my statue.

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  • My mom taught me to “work until your bank account balance looks like a phone number.”

    Does $9.11 count?

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  • I'm a responsible person.
    People are always saying, "I know you're responsible for this".

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  • It's never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it's too late.

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  • The first man married to a robot recently filed for a divorce. He couldn't turn her on anymore.

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  • I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.

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More ironic, sardonic and cynical jokes on the following pages...