50+ Jokes about wedding and marriage that will make your day !



Marriage has its pros and cons: on one hand, you get to wear a cool ring, but on the other hand, you don’t.

- TOP marriage joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Name a better phrase than 'a delay in the bride's arrival'.
    Aisle wait.

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  • Marrying a lady at 30 is like buying a newspaper in the evening.

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  • Some people say that 'marriage' is just a piece of paper... But then so is money!

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  • I think that marriage is an attempt to solve problems together, but which you didn't even
    have when you were on your own!

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  • WHAT'S MARRIAGE? It's a bond between a person who NEVER REMEMBERS anniversaries, and another who NEVER FORGETS them!!!

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  • First the dairy man proposed to her.
    Then the sausage maker proposed.
    She had to decide to marry for butter or wurst.

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  • My gardener is getting married, its his weeding day.

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  • Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress?
    They were married in the spring!

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  • The astronaut is getting married and he is over the moon through out the process.

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  • A friend of mine got married to the girl he met on a boat. It was a ferry tale wedding.

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  • I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.

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  • Don't you just hate it when people forget what they're meant to say at weddings?
    I know I do.

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  • What’s the worst thing about being married?
    THE WIVES.

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  • Marriage is an institution but who wants to be institutionalized?

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  • I never knew what true happiness was till I got married, and then it was too late..

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  • First, the Engagement Ring, the Wedding Ring and then the Suffering.

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  • We had trouble with our wedding photos, my wife insisted she be in them.

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  • I can't wait to walk down the aisle again one day... and hear those magical words...

    "This is your Captain speaking..."

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  • You need at least 1 witness to prove a murder and a minimum of 2 to register a marriage.
    So which is more dangerous?

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  • I just got married, at the reception the new wife asked the DJ to play “I still haven’t found what I am looking for” by U2
    Should I be worried?

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  • Bride on her wedding night says to her hubby "I must confess I was a hooker"
    He says "Thats ok. Your past is your past but I must admit I find it quite erotic, tell me about it".

    She says "My name was Dave & I played for Wigan Warriors"

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  • A bee and an astronomer got married. Straight after the wedding they went on their honeymoon.

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  • What do rabbits do after they get married?
    Go on a bunny-moon!

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  • Went to a Cannibal wedding on Saturday.
    It was all going well...
    until they decided to toast the Bride and Groom.

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  • " If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. "
    ~ Anton Chekhov

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  • Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

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  • My daughter wants to marry our mailman but my wife wont letter.

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  • Getting married put an end to my aspirations for a bachelors degree.

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  • Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

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  • What's the longest sentence known to man?
    I do.

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  • Therapist: "I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?"

    Me: "Can't say I do."

    Therapist: "That's one of them!"

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  • Two cans of paint got married .Not too long thereafter the bride whispered ecstatically to the groom " Darling ,I think I'm pigment ".

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  • Was banned from every football ground in the country for 12 months yesterday...

    I forgot my wedding anniversary...

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  • Nutritionists have confirmed that a well known food reduces women's sex drive by 95%.
    It's called "wedding cake"

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  • Sadly, after my friend's accident, he's now housebound.

    He's got his finger trapped in a wedding ring.

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  • Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave.

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  • The bride wept, the bridesmaids cried - and even the wedding cake was in tiers.

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  • When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

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  • Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.

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  • Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other.

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  • Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “RINGS” : The Engagement Ring The Wedding Ring The Suffering The Enduring.

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  • Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.

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  • I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. —Rita Rudner

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  • Marriage is becoming more and more progressive. I hear two scoutmasters decided to tie the knot.

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  • I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.

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  • The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

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  • Two florists recently got married. It was an arranged marriage.

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  • Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

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  • It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

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  • Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

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  • Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.

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  • It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye opener.

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  • Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: “Yes dear”.

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  • Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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More Jokes about wedding and marriage on the following pages...