70+ mystical jokes that will make your day 😎!



There was a man who had a 28-inch dick.
He was tired with all the inconveniences that came with it and no doctor was able to help him. Desperate, he went to talk to the village witch. The witch said, "Go to the Seventh Mountain and look for the Mystical Frog. He can speak; you just need him to mutter the word 'no' and your dick will shrink by 7 inches."

So the man traveled there and, sure enough, he found the Mystical Frog meditating. He went over to the frog and said, "Hey Frog, let's you and I have sex!" The frog was shocked and replied, "What the hell's your problem? NO!" The man's dick shrunk by 7-inches; things were looking good.

He asked the frog again, "Come on, Froggy, let's get it on!" to which the frog replied, "Did you not hear me just now??? I said NO!" and his dick shrunk by another 7-inches. At this point, the man just needed to make the frog say it one more time so that he'll have just the perfect size. "Come on, buddy. Let's do it! You know you want to!"

The frog turned red with rage and angrily shouted, "What is wrong with you? How many times do I have to repeat myself? I said NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!"

- Random starter mystical groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • The Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle until one of the corners mysteriously disappeared.

    * * * * *


  • I've sold my Crystal Ball.
    I couldn't see any Future in it.
    And I'm not a Medium any more, I'm a Large..

    * * * * *


  • What restaurants are vampires terrified to eat at?

    Stake Houses.

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  • My grandfather would talk to ghosts who’d tell him what size clothes to wear, he was a medium.

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  • Me: When one door closes, another one opens

    Exorcist: You definitely have a poltergeist

    * * * * *



  • First day of my levitation course today, and I went straight to the top of the class!

    * * * * *


  • You know it's time to clean the fridge when something closes the door from the inside.

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  • Me: When one door closes, another one opens

    Exorcist: You definitely have a poltergeist

    * * * * *


  • What do you call a monster that does a lot of exercise?

    Fit-ness

    * * * * *


  • What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
    Blood hound!

    * * * * *


  • I saw a yogurt floating across my kitchen. I think it might be paranormal activia.

    * * * * *


  • How does a demon stay fit?
    He exorcises.

    * * * * *


  • I was bitten by a werewolf once.
    Nothing serious.
    Just enough to give me pause.

    * * * * *


  • Why did the ghost go to rehab?
    He couldn't handle his boo's.

    * * * * *


  • Did you hear about the teenage ghost who lay on the couch all day?
    It was a case of paranormal inactivity.

    * * * * *


  • I asked my Ouija board if anyone has a secret crush on me. It must be broken, because I don’t even know anyone named “Lol.”

    * * * * *


  • A black cat just crossed my path. I think there’s some purrinormal cativity going on or something.

    * * * * *


  • Ghosts don't like rain because it dampens their spirits.

    * * * * *


  • Got advice from a mystic about how to get more followers on Twitter.
    What a great social medium.

    * * * * *


  • Vampires are just human-sized mosquitos.

    * * * * *


  • Why can't Ghosts have Children?
    They have Hollow Weenies!

    Why can't Frankenstein have Children?
    His Nuts are in His Neck!

    * * * * *


  • A psychic is buying clothes:
    Employee: How about this one?
    Psychic: That shirt is too small.
    Employee: You didn’t even try it on.
    Psychic: I’m a medium.

    * * * * *


  • Did you hear about the exorcist who got arrested for handling stolen gear?
    He was charged with possession.

    * * * * *


  • Everyone's self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.

    * * * * *


  • Why don't zombies eat ghosts?
    Because they taste like sheet.

    * * * * *


  • Space could be filled with vampires, but we’d never know because telescopes use mirrors.

    * * * * *


  • How does a demon stay fit?
    He exorcises.

    * * * * *


  • girlfriend: I'm seeing someone behind your back.
    me: *believes in ghosts* is it my grandpa ?

    * * * * *


  • When I get reincarnated I want to come back as expensive eye glasses, so I can make a spectacle of myself.

    * * * * *


  • For all of you that believe in reincarnation..Welcome back!

    * * * * *


  • Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too much chance of a silver medal.

    * * * * *


  • Once I almost dated a psychic girl, but she left me before we even met!

    * * * * *


  • Her: are you a dog person?
    Me: Werewolves aren't real, Karen.

    * * * * *


  • Bought a boomerang off a ghost,
    hope it doesn't come back to haunt me.

    * * * * *


  • What is a ghost's favourite exercise?
    Deadlifting.

    * * * * *


  • What restaurants are vampires terrified to eat at?

    Stake Houses.

    * * * * *


  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend once. But she left me before we met.

    * * * * *


  • My mate tried to show off his fortune telling skills.
    He wasn't that good.
    Actually he was medium.

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  • I knew the psychic was phony the moment they took my check.

    * * * * *


  • A huge article just appeared featuring Dracula's lifestyle in Daily Mail…
    And yet he didn't appear in The Mirror or The Sun…

    * * * * *


  • There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you'd have no idea.

    * * * * *


  • So I went to the doctors this morning...
    I said to the receptionist: "I need to see a doctor because I've had a voodoo curse put on me".
    "Which doctor?" she asked.
    "Yes, he will do.", I said.

    * * * * *


  • I spent my whole life being proud of my heritage, until I found out that my great grandfather was actually from Transylvania...
    Now I can’t even look myself in the mirror.

    * * * * *


  • Reincarnation party next week. Come as you were.

    * * * * *


  • The Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle until one of the corners mysteriously disappeared.

    * * * * *


  • Why is it easy to buy clothes for psychics?

    Because they're all medium.

    * * * * *


  • To all the Psychics out there. You know what I think about you.

    * * * * *


  • Q. What is it called when one ghost consumes another ghost?
    A. Canni-boo-lism.

    * * * * *


  • Ghost hunters never find ghosts because the ghosts keep ghosting them ghostily.

    * * * * *


  • I went to an acupuncturist and when I got home my voodoo doll was dead.

    * * * * *


  • Two psychics meet on the street. One says "lovely weather at the moment". The other says, "yes, reminds me of the summer of 2022".

    * * * * *


  • When I was young I used to think I was a werewolf. But I am all right NHOOOOOOOW.

    * * * * *


  • I met a time travelling lycan yesterday...he was a when-wolf!

    * * * * *


  • Spoke to some scientists who were studying the odder aspects of fog. They were mystified.

    * * * * *


  • Two vampires got married, but they were always at each other's throats.

    * * * * *


  • A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.

    * * * * *


  • What’s Dracula’s favourite type of coffee? Decoffinated.

    * * * * *


  • Where did young Dracula go, to learn how to write?

    Pencilvania.

    * * * * *


  • I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
    ~ Warren Tantum...

    * * * * *


  • If Mediums can communicate with the dead, imagine what a Large can do...

    * * * * *


  • My grandfather would talk to ghosts who’d tell him what size clothes to wear, he was a medium.

    * * * * *


  • When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.

    * * * * *


  • Anything is more interesting if it’s haunted.

    * * * * *


  • Ghosts like to ride in elevators because it lifts their spirits.

    * * * * *


  • I've sold my Crystal Ball.
    I couldn't see any Future in it.
    And I'm not a Medium any more, I'm a Large..

    * * * * *


  • Large crystal ball for sale. £50, but you will haggle me down to £35.

    * * * * *


  • My dad just asked me, “Do you believe in ghosts?” Bit of a daft question seeing as he’s been dead ten years.

    * * * * *


  • You do realise that Vampires aren't real...
    Unless you Count Dracula.

    * * * * *


  • What do you call the ghost
    of a chicken?

    A poultry-geist!

    * * * * *


  • Son: Dad is our house haunted?
    Dad: May be, but Im not sure.
    Son: But the maid told me last night ghosts are not real
    Dad: Run, we dont have a maid.

    * * * * *



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