70+ mystical jokes that will make your day !



Got advice from a mystic about how to get more followers on Twitter.
What a great social medium.

- TOP mystical joke from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • Vampires are just human-sized mosquitos.

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  • Why can't Ghosts have Children?
    They have Hollow Weenies!

    Why can't Frankenstein have Children?
    His Nuts are in His Neck!

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  • A psychic is buying clothes:
    Employee: How about this one?
    Psychic: That shirt is too small.
    Employee: You didn’t even try it on.
    Psychic: I’m a medium.

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  • Did you hear about the exorcist who got arrested for handling stolen gear?
    He was charged with possession.

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  • Everyone's self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.

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  • Why don't zombies eat ghosts?
    Because they taste like sheet.

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  • Space could be filled with vampires, but we’d never know because telescopes use mirrors.

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  • How does a demon stay fit?
    He exorcises.

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  • girlfriend: I'm seeing someone behind your back.
    me: *believes in ghosts* is it my grandpa ?

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  • When I get reincarnated I want to come back as expensive eye glasses, so I can make a spectacle of myself.

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  • For all of you that believe in reincarnation..Welcome back!

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  • Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too much chance of a silver medal.

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  • Once I almost dated a psychic girl, but she left me before we even met!

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  • Her: are you a dog person?
    Me: Werewolves aren't real, Karen.

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  • Bought a boomerang off a ghost,
    hope it doesn't come back to haunt me.

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  • What is a ghost's favourite exercise?
    Deadlifting.

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  • What restaurants are vampires terrified to eat at?

    Stake Houses.

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  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend once. But she left me before we met.

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  • My mate tried to show off his fortune telling skills.
    He wasn't that good.
    Actually he was medium.

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  • I knew the psychic was phony the moment they took my check.

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  • A huge article just appeared featuring Dracula's lifestyle in Daily Mail…
    And yet he didn't appear in The Mirror or The Sun…

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  • There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you'd have no idea.

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  • So I went to the doctors this morning...
    I said to the receptionist: "I need to see a doctor because I've had a voodoo curse put on me".
    "Which doctor?" she asked.
    "Yes, he will do.", I said.

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  • I spent my whole life being proud of my heritage, until I found out that my great grandfather was actually from Transylvania...
    Now I can’t even look myself in the mirror.

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  • Reincarnation party next week. Come as you were.

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  • The Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle until one of the corners mysteriously disappeared.

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  • Why is it easy to buy clothes for psychics?

    Because they're all medium.

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  • To all the Psychics out there. You know what I think about you.

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  • Q. What is it called when one ghost consumes another ghost?
    A. Canni-boo-lism.

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  • Ghost hunters never find ghosts because the ghosts keep ghosting them ghostily.

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  • I went to an acupuncturist and when I got home my voodoo doll was dead.

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  • Two psychics meet on the street. One says "lovely weather at the moment". The other says, "yes, reminds me of the summer of 2022".

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  • When I was young I used to think I was a werewolf. But I am all right NHOOOOOOOW.

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  • I met a time travelling lycan yesterday...he was a when-wolf!

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  • Spoke to some scientists who were studying the odder aspects of fog. They were mystified.

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  • Two vampires got married, but they were always at each other's throats.

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  • A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.

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  • What’s Dracula’s favourite type of coffee? Decoffinated.

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  • Where did young Dracula go, to learn how to write?

    Pencilvania.

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  • I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
    ~ Warren Tantum...

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  • If Mediums can communicate with the dead, imagine what a Large can do...

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  • My grandfather would talk to ghosts who’d tell him what size clothes to wear, he was a medium.

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  • When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.

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  • Anything is more interesting if it’s haunted.

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  • Ghosts like to ride in elevators because it lifts their spirits.

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  • I've sold my Crystal Ball.
    I couldn't see any Future in it.
    And I'm not a Medium any more, I'm a Large..

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  • Large crystal ball for sale. £50, but you will haggle me down to £35.

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  • My dad just asked me, “Do you believe in ghosts?” Bit of a daft question seeing as he’s been dead ten years.

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  • You do realise that Vampires aren't real...
    Unless you Count Dracula.

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  • What do you call the ghost
    of a chicken?

    A poultry-geist!

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More mystical, mysterious and esoteric jokes on the following pages...