666+ Brilliant PUNS, quibbles, wordplays and quirks.



A day without wordplay is a day without punshine.
- Motivation pun from Adminus Anonimous.

Why did the banana call the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well!
- BEST selected pun from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun


  • What should they call
    the stairs used for
    boarding planes...

    A flight of stairs.

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  • I’m thinking of robbing a bakery of all utensils. It’s dangerous, but that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.

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  • For such a large coal factory, it only had a single rail system going through it. I guess you can say it was a...
    ...one track mine.

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  • We must congratulate canyons, caverns and tunnels ; they've always been echo-friendly.

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  • A hundred years ago, we might have said "Dedicated milliners will always find a way to practice their craft." Nowadays we simply say "Hatters gonna hat."

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  • Mining is boring.

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  • SAD NEWS!!
    My new inflatable house got a puncture last night.
    Now I'm living in a flat!

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  • In my spare time I make clocks that go backwards.

    What do you do to unwind?

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  • I stole a lorry load of mirrors. Which, upon reflection, wasn’t a great idea.

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  • I'm just saying a 100 lb bag of soil for only $1 is, without a doubt, dirt cheap.

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  • I took a picture of a field of wheat.
    It was grainy.

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  • I went to a Maize Maze.

    It was corn-fusing.

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  • Time is not yours nor theirs...
    It's hours.

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  • It was my choice to get thrown out of Automotive school.
    They gave me an independent suspension.

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  • When astronauts die they run an orbituary.

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  • What did one tide pool say to the other tide pool? Show me your mussels.

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  • To the person who stole my place in the queue.
    I’m after you now.

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  • I was so desperate to get a part in a Broadway play, that my friend said, 'Break a leg!'
    I thought, 'What a terrible thing to say,' but now I'm in the cast!

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  • If I can't perfect human cloning, I won't be able to live with myself.

    * * * * *


  • The thief was arrested as he left the fortune teller's house. He was caught read handed.

    * * * * *


  • When she left, she broke my zodiac plate and left me here to pick up the Pisces.

    * * * * *


  • Before I became a professional, was I just a fessional.

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  • I bought five watches the other day. I have a lot of time on my hands....

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  • There was a locked metal box at an auction. Who knew what was in it? I decided to stop bidding at $50. That seemed like a safe bet.

    * * * * *


  • I love fireworks, i seem to have a flare for them.

    * * * * *


  • How am I feeling about the upcoming Enlightenment Philosophy Conference?
    I Kant wait!

    * * * * *


  • I sneezed three times in a row. Everyone sitting in that row got up and left.

    * * * * *


  • I have seen some absolutely magnificent buildings in my time, but by far I say schools are the...classiest.

    * * * * *


  • Accidentally locked myself in a glass cabinet in a museum.
    I ended up making an exhibition of myself.

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  • Had carol singers
    at my door yesterday evening... All I wanted
    was a Silent Night

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  • Special Announcement: stairs are no longer being sold individually. They will now be sold by the case. This is a big step up for us.

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  • I was at a watchmakers meeting.
    I was the one taking the minutes.

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  • Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop? I did it the other knight...And I got rooked.

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  • While it is legal to transport certain vegetables by boat, I'd be careful how you inform people you've got leeks on your ship.

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  • I shortened the rope on the bucket that didn’t go down well.

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  • Mr. Penn from Pennsylvania stole pens. He's now in the pen and is unrepentant!

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  • Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.

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  • I met a couple of friendly lumberjacks.
    Nice fellers.

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  • A sister can never ask her brother for help because you cant be her brother and assist her too.

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  • Why didn’t 4 ask out 5?
    He was 2 squared.

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  • I do puns about Michael Jackson
    they are
    Bad (Really Really Bad).

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  • I can never understand what mountain climbers are saying, it must be their ascent.

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  • I'm thinking of making my own pool cue...
    Anyone got any tips?....

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  • There’s a nudist convention in town next week,
    I might go if I’ve got nothing on.

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  • My parents wouldn't let me go to the mucus festival. I told them, "It is snot fair!"

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  • Fun fact: Before crowbars were invented, crows used to drink at home.

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  • My doctors, dentist, and hair appointment was canceled.
    I was disappointed.

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  • I love mimes, but that goes without saying!

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  • The man entered his home and was instantly delighted when he discovered every lightbulb in the house had been stolen!

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  • A blue-green fish has been discovered in the waterways of Paris.
    It's called a bass teal.

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More puns, quibbles, and quirks on the following pages...