Hilarious jokes about AGE that will make your day 🤪!



An old couple returning from florida cross the border.
The customs agent ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US. the man answers no.
the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?".
the man tells his wife "the agent wants to know if we bought anything".
the customs agent asks the man where he is from.
the man answers "toronto"
. the man's wife says "what did he say?"
the man tells his wife "he wanted to know where we were from
. the agent says to the man " i was in toronto once, i had the worst sex ever in my life in toronto."
the man's wife says "what did he say?"
the husband tells his wife "he thinks he knows you dear."

- Random starter age groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • What goes up but never comes down?
    Answer: Your age

    * * * * *


  • A boy wants to ask a girl to prom, and he really likes her so he goes all out...
    He goes to the florist to buy some flowers, but the line is out the door. He thinks, "that's okay, she's worth it," and waits an hour in the flower line.

    Next he goes to the candy store to get some really nice chocolates and again, the line is absurdly long. Again he thinks, "that's okay, I'll wait," and waits an hour in the chocolate line.

    He goes to a limo agency to book a limo for prom night, but they are having a sale so many engaged couples have lined up to book a limo. But the line is shorter than the candy store line and the boy thinks, "well, if I waited in that line, I can wait in this one, too." He waits half an hour in the limo line.

    After that he goes to buy the tickets to prom. Everyone else is buying tickets too, but he doesn't want them to run out so he has to wait over an hour in the ticket line.

    Finally he has everything he needs, so she asks the girl and she says yes.

    The night of prom they get in the limo and drive to the venue. The event isn't very well coordinated so traffic is atrocious, and they wait for what seems like forever in a stand-still traffic line.

    Finally, they get out of the limo and stand in line to get into the prom. It's a big school, so they wait for the better part of 45 minutes in the entry line.

    When they eventually make it inside, the boy and girl start dancing. They're both having a great time, but the girl gets thirsty so the boy offers to get her some punch.

    He goes to the drink table and there's no punch line.

    Edit 1: wow, you scrolled to the bottom and read that there's no punch line? You're such a smart and special snowflake.

    Edit 2: Yeah, I get it, this joke is a repost. I have never frequented r/jokes before, but I assume that reposts happen a lot. If all jokes were original content, this sub wouldn't be so active.

    * * * * *


  • I don't mind saying my age because I'm still pretty, still sharp, and if you disagree I can hit you with my walking stick.

    * * * * *


  • My dog’s getting slow in his old age. He’s just brought me yesterdays newspaper

    * * * * *


  • A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.'

    * * * * *



  • A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
    Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
    The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
    The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
    "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
    Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
    "Our nanny is an expert in pediatric welfare and diet."
    The social workers are finally satisfied.
    They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
    "It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon.

    * * * * *


  • I know people my age climb mountains without falling off,
    But my daily challenge is to climb into my underpants without falling over...

    * * * * *


  • At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, God appeared and said, "I want all the men to form two lines.
    One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households.
    The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives."
    God continued, "I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
    The women left and the men formed two lines...
    The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending.
    The line of men who were the true head of their household had one man in it.
    God said to the first line, "You men ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
    I appointed you to be the heads of your households and you were disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose.
    Of all of you, there is only one man who obeyed me. Learn from him."
    Then God turned to the lone man and asked, "How did you come to be in this line?"
    The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

    * * * * *


  • Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.

    * * * * *


  • At my age I have seen it all, I have done it all, I have heard it all...?.....I just don't remember it all!

    * * * * *


  • The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.

    * * * * *


  • I learned to dance at an early age. We only had one bathroom.

    * * * * *


  • Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

    Officer: Age?

    Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays.

    Officer: Height?

    Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

    OFFICER : Weight?

    Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

    OFFICER : Color of eyes?

    Husband: Sort of brown I think.

    OFFICER : Color of hair?

    Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.

    OFFICER : What was she wearing?

    Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

    OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?

    Husband: She went in my truck.

    OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?

    Husband : A 2017, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 .with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera,
    Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch,
    sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires.
    It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
    At this point the husband started choking up.

    OFFICER : Take it easy sir, We'll find your truck.

    * * * * *


  • I got an Egyptian mummy for Xmas. Took bloody ages to unwrap it!

    * * * * *


  • How many Comcast customer service agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Is the lightbulb plugged in sir?

    * * * * *


  • Dictionary = Indicatory
    Dormitory = Dirty Room
    Election Results = Lies, Let's Recount!
    Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
    Evangelist = Evil's Agent

    * * * * *


  • I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

    * * * * *


  • An old woman visits her doctor, complaining of back pain.
    The doctor tells her, "It's old age."

    The woman says to the doctor, "Well, I want a second opinion!"

    To which the doctor says, "Fine, you're ugly too!"

    * * * * *


  • My school was sponsored by IKEA.
    Assembly took ages.

    * * * * *


  • Don't get weird about getting older! Age is simply the number of years the world has been enjoying us!

    * * * * *


  • Wine improves with age. We improve with wine.

    * * * * *


  • An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted…

    "Nobody move!"

    * * * * *


  • My dog’s getting slow in his old age. He’s just brought me yesterdays newspaper

    * * * * *


  • I've joined an online dating agency for arsonists.
    They send me new matches every week.

    * * * * *


  • It's probably my age that fools people into thinking I'm an adult.

    * * * * *


  • 60 years old Millionaire gets married
    A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

    His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?

    “Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."

    His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

    "Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"

    * * * * *


  • "Mom I have started dating our neighbour..."
    "Anders?! But honey, he could be your father!" says mom.

    Daughter replies "Mom, age is just a number!"

    "I wasn't talking about his age!"

    * * * * *


  • Heard my neighbours shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall......turns out her elderly mother had fallen and cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her walking stick for help.....
    feel a bit guilty about the wank now.

    * * * * *


  • When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
    This phenomenon is known as many paws.

    * * * * *


  • What's the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?

    * * * * *


  • Middle age is when you finally get your head together
    and your body starts falling apart.

    * * * * *


  • What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?

    He goes under cover.

    * * * * *


  • Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
    A: Because there were so many knights!

    * * * * *


  • Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.

    “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

    “Well,” replied old John, “There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.”

    “That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent.

    “That would be me,” replied old rancher John.

    * * * * *


  • Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.

    * * * * *


  • My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

    "Look at what kids your age make in China!"

    * * * * *


  • Too Much Sex;

    I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.

    One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired.”;
    His buddy says: “Man I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."
    A fellow about 70 years of age, sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.

    He looked over at the two young men and

    with the wisdom of years says:
    "Marry her That'll put a stop to that shit."

    * * * * *


  • An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.

    He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

    When the barber finishes the shave, the old cowboy tells him that it is the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he also wants to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.

    The barber replies, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

    * * * * *


  • Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
    A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

    * * * * *


  • I'm at that age when an "all nighter" just means I didn't need to get up to pee.

    * * * * *


  • Technically, you can't date someone half your age till you're 36 years old.

    * * * * *


  • Didn't realise 35 is the max age someone can be circumcised. Apparently that's the cut off age!

    * * * * *


  • What's a good age to tell your Pet, he was adopted?

    * * * * *


  • An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.
    The doctor was shocked to see his health and asked him:
    'What is the secret of your good health ....?'
    The old man answered:
    — 'I get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling and then come and drink two glasses of wine!
    Maybe this is the secret of my health. '
    Doctor:
    — 'Okay, but can I ask you how old was your father when he died ...?'
    — 'My father died ...?
    Who told you that he died???’
    Doctor (surprised): —'You mean that you are 80 years old and your father is still alive ...? So how old is he now ....? '
    — 'He is 102 years old and cycled with me this morning and then took two glasses of wine'
    Doctor:
    —‘This is very good. This means that the long life is in your family's genes.
    So how old was your grandfather when he died….?’
    —‘Hey why are you killing my grandfather now ...?'
    Doctor (puzzled):
    —'You mean that you are 80 years old and your grandfather is still alive very much!
    What is his age .....? '
    — 'Yes, he is 123 years old.'
    —‘I think he too must have cycled with you this morning and taken wine too .....?'
    Take a cold breath! —‘No, Grandpa could not go this morning,
    because He is getting married today.’
    Doctor (on the verge of going mad):
    —‘What do you mean marriage .....? Why would he want to get married at the age of 123…?’
    — 'Who said he wanted to get married ....? He had to be forced.’
    — 'But why ........’ shouted the Doctor!!
    — 'Girl is pregnant, that's why!'
    The doctor has been cycling regularly and drinking wine ever since......
    The clinic is closed.

    * * * * *


  • The Manchester United team visited an orphanage today.
    "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Johnny, age 6.

    * * * * *


  • I bought a suit of armour,
    Don't like to wear it though,
    It makes me look middle aged!

    * * * * *


  • Why are former Stasi agents the best taxi drivers in Berlin?
    All you have to do is tell them your name. They already know where you live.

    * * * * *


  • I just banged my head.
    Took me ages to get that flexible.

    * * * * *


  • My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you." I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."

    * * * * *


  • Do you know how weird it is to be the same age as OLD people??

    * * * * *


  • Two Edith and Marie were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. Edith pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Marie: What's that? Edith: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Marie: Where did you get it? Edith: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Marie hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers. Marie: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel. The pharmacist fainted.

    * * * * *


  • - What shoes do secret agents wear?
    - Adidas Sneakers.

    * * * * *


  • One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money from.

    "Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left," said the 12-year-old. "We told him that we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros."

    "Then we followed the man," said the other boy, "and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet."

    "That's a truly afwul behaviour," the mother replied. "You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession in the church."

    The boys did what they were told and went to the San Lorenzo fuori Muri on Piazza San Lorenzo. After a while they came back with 100 euros because now they also knew where the man worked.

    * * * * *


  • In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

    * * * * *


  • A 92 year old man is walking through a park and sees a talking frog. He picks up the frog and the frogs says, “If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and be yours for a week.” The old man puts the frog in his pocket. The frog screams, “Hey if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you for a whole month.” The old man looks at the frog and says, “At my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”

    * * * * *


  • Old age is when the gleam in your eyes is just the sun shining on your bifocals.

    * * * * *


  • Then there was the woman who was cured of her nervousness in one treatment. The doctor told her it was a sign of old age.

    * * * * *


  • I joined a dating agency in Ukraine.
    Now I have a
    chick in Kiev.

    * * * * *


  • I used to run a dating agency for chickens.
    But I was struggling to make hens meet.

    * * * * *


  • A woman goes to the doctor and tells him that her pussy is itching something fierce, "well let me take a look at it." While he's down there he's saying "yes , sure,aha, okay." He tells her to sit up and get dressed. Once she's dressed he says, "I'm sorry to inform you ma'am but you have crabs." Shocked she says, "that can't be, I'm a virgin!" Disbelieving her the doctor asks the woman her age, she says, "I just turned 45." He laughs and says, "Well I am sorry to inform you that you do indeed have crabs." So the woman goes to a second doctor to get another opinion. The doctor tells her to strip and lay down. While he's down there he's saying, "okay I see, sure, haha." He instructs the woman to sit up and get dressed. "I'm sorry to tell you this ma'am but you have crabs." Shocked again she says, "that's impossible I'm a virgin." Again the doctor laugh's and asks her age. She says, "I just turned 45." The doctor laugh's says, "I'm sorry but you do have crabs." The woman seeks a third and final opinion. As usual she strips and lies down. The doctor goes down there and says, "haha, wow! unbelievable! She says, "Oh Lord please don't tell me I have crabs!" He says, "no ma'am I'm sorry to inform you but your cherry has gone rotten and you have the worst case of fruit flies I've ever seen! "

    * * * * *


  • I don't judge people based on age, race, religion, sexuality, color or gender. I base it on whether they are an asshole or not.

    * * * * *


  • An elderly couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered. They found the old desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved "I love you, Sally".
    On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!
    Jerry said,: "We've got to give it back."
    Sally said: "Finders keepers."
    She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
    The next day, two police officers, who were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"
    Sally said: "No."
    Jerry said: "She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic."
    Sally said: "Don't believe him, he’s getting senile."
    The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.
    One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
    Jerry said: "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday .."
    The first police officer turned to his partner and said: "Let’s get out of here."

    * * * * *


  • Q: How many new agers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself
    symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a
    world where we can all aspire to be gods.

    * * * * *


  • I hate it when people say age is only a number.

    Age is clearly a word. 😎

    * * * * *


  • Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream van hadn't come along."

    * * * * *


  • Q: What do you call a secret agent's minor assignment between major operations?
    A: An intermission.

    * * * * *


  • Why is a man like old age?
    They both come too soon.

    * * * * *


  • What goes up but never comes down?
    Answer: Your age

    * * * * *


  • One agent stops by another agent's table to tell him the big news: "Nicolas Cage just died!" The second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. "Good career move."

    * * * * *


  • A boy wants to ask a girl to prom, and he really likes her so he goes all out...
    He goes to the florist to buy some flowers, but the line is out the door. He thinks, "that's okay, she's worth it," and waits an hour in the flower line.

    Next he goes to the candy store to get some really nice chocolates and again, the line is absurdly long. Again he thinks, "that's okay, I'll wait," and waits an hour in the chocolate line.

    He goes to a limo agency to book a limo for prom night, but they are having a sale so many engaged couples have lined up to book a limo. But the line is shorter than the candy store line and the boy thinks, "well, if I waited in that line, I can wait in this one, too." He waits half an hour in the limo line.

    After that he goes to buy the tickets to prom. Everyone else is buying tickets too, but he doesn't want them to run out so he has to wait over an hour in the ticket line.

    Finally he has everything he needs, so she asks the girl and she says yes.

    The night of prom they get in the limo and drive to the venue. The event isn't very well coordinated so traffic is atrocious, and they wait for what seems like forever in a stand-still traffic line.

    Finally, they get out of the limo and stand in line to get into the prom. It's a big school, so they wait for the better part of 45 minutes in the entry line.

    When they eventually make it inside, the boy and girl start dancing. They're both having a great time, but the girl gets thirsty so the boy offers to get her some punch.

    He goes to the drink table and there's no punch line.

    Edit 1: wow, you scrolled to the bottom and read that there's no punch line? You're such a smart and special snowflake.

    Edit 2: Yeah, I get it, this joke is a repost. I have never frequented r/jokes before, but I assume that reposts happen a lot. If all jokes were original content, this sub wouldn't be so active.

    * * * * *



More age jokes on the following pages...