Hilarious quotes and jokes about KNOWLEDGE that will make your day 🤪!



The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.
Albert Einstein

- Random starter knowledge groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
    Immanuel Kant

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  • A well dressed and wealthy looking couple entered an inline skate store somewhere in the more affluent part of Hollywood. The store clerk greets them warmly:"Good morning Sir, Madam. Please feel free to browse and I will be here if you require assistance", obviously smelling some commission.

    "Thank you", acknowledged the couple and soon after they returned to the store clerk with a pair of Dunlop inlines.
    "We'll take these", announced the husband
    The somewhat snooty store clerk was mildly taken aback said:"Sir I can tell you're here to do business and not waste anyone's time, so why not look at our more exclusive range? We have the best in Nike, Adidas, Reebok, Spalding and many more. Why are you settling for Dunlop's?"

    Husband replies:"Oh it's for our daughter's birthday. She just became a teen and this is her first pair of skates. We are happy with the Dunlops for now thank you.", and on that note they paid and left.

    Moments later another customer enters and the clerk says:"Morning and welcome. Please feel free to look at our exclusive range with only the best names in sport"

    The customer replies:"I just need a pair of cheap skates for every day use"

    Clerk signals to the door with his head and said:"Sorry sir, but the last pair just left the shop..."

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  • College is a fountain of knowledge ... where students go to drink.

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  • The only source of knowledge is experience.
    Albert Einstein

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  • Whenever my kids questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that I'm older than the Internet.

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  • To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, remove things every day.
    Lao Tzu

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  • Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.
    Confucius

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  • The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases ever with the acquisition of it. Laurence Sterne

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  • I don't yet have a perfect knowledge of how to do origami in reverse, but it is slowly unfolding.

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  • Anybody on here with knowledge regarding noisy dishwasher? I've tried flowers, chocolates and wine and she's still moaning.

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  • An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
    After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
    The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'.
    The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
    The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
    The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
    The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
    The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
    'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
    'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
    That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
    The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
    The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. So that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
    The president was happy to oblige.
    The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked
    The president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'
    The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Ireland .'

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  • My poor knowledge of Greek Mythology has always been my Achilles Elbow.

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  • A well dressed and wealthy looking couple entered an inline skate store somewhere in the more affluent part of Hollywood. The store clerk greets them warmly:"Good morning Sir, Madam. Please feel free to browse and I will be here if you require assistance", obviously smelling some commission.

    "Thank you", acknowledged the couple and soon after they returned to the store clerk with a pair of Dunlop inlines.
    "We'll take these", announced the husband
    The somewhat snooty store clerk was mildly taken aback said:"Sir I can tell you're here to do business and not waste anyone's time, so why not look at our more exclusive range? We have the best in Nike, Adidas, Reebok, Spalding and many more. Why are you settling for Dunlop's?"

    Husband replies:"Oh it's for our daughter's birthday. She just became a teen and this is her first pair of skates. We are happy with the Dunlops for now thank you.", and on that note they paid and left.

    Moments later another customer enters and the clerk says:"Morning and welcome. Please feel free to look at our exclusive range with only the best names in sport"

    The customer replies:"I just need a pair of cheap skates for every day use"

    Clerk signals to the door with his head and said:"Sorry sir, but the last pair just left the shop..."

    * * * * *


  • Knowledge is like underwear.
    It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

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  • “Poetry is the first and last of all knowledge - it is as immortal as the heart of man.”

    By William Wordsworth

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  • ‘The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.’
    - Isaac Asimov

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  • “Poetry is the first and last of all knowledge – it is as immortal as the heart of man.”
    ~ William Wordsworth

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  • "For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow."
    —Ecclesiastes, 1:18, The Bible

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  • College is a fountain of knowledge ... where students go to drink.

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  • The aim of education is the knowledge, not of facts, but of values.
    William S. Burroughs

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  • The aim of education is the knowledge, not of facts, but of values.
    William S. Burroughs

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  • An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
    Benjamin Franklin

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  • The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.
    Bertrand Russell

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  • The only source of knowledge is experience.
    Albert Einstein

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  • Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
    Jimi Hendrix

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  • Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
    Immanuel Kant

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  • The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.
    Albert Einstein

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  • Knowledge is having the right answers.
    Intelligence is asking the right questions.
    Wisdom is knowing when to ask the right questions.

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  • The Fourth grade school teacher asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
    Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then work for the CIA and establish contacts so as to become a billionaire smuggling guns and drugs, going to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Miami, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel all over Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
    The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.
    "And how about you, Sarah?"
    "I wanna be Kevin's whore."

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  • “Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. ”
    ― Lord Byron

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  • Whenever my kids questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that I'm older than the Internet.

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  • "The purpose of knowledge is action, not knowledge."
    - Aristotle

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  • “Knowledge is power. Power to do evil...or power to do good. Power itself is not evil. So knowledge itself is not evil.”
    ― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

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