Hilarious jokes about LIBRARY that will make your day 🤪!



I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.

- Random starter librarian groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • Got a book from the library on Stockholm Syndrome. Didn't like it at first, but by the end I thought it was great.

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  • I haven't seen a lot of programming languages but I think python is pretty Intelligent
    Cause it has a lot of libraries🤔

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  • I was a bookkeeper for 10 years.

    The local library wasn’t too happy about it.

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  • They’re adding a second floor to the local library building.....
    But that’s another story

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  • I asked the librarian for a books on Frank Sinatra. She said "we've got a few...but then again...to few to mention."

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  • Kinda rude that books come in volumes when librarians hate sound.

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  • I asked the librarian if she could direct me to the self-help section.

    She said she could... but that would defeat the purpose...

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  • To everyone who received a book from me for Christmas. They are due back at the library next Friday. Thank you.

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  • I went to the librarian’s birthday party today.
    I wished her many happy returns. 📚

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  • A woman walks into a library and asks for a book about curiosity. The librarian says "why do you want that"?

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  • I'd like to give a whisper out to librarians everywhere.

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  • I asked the librarian where the books on engine lubricants were.

    She told me they were in the non-friction section.

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  • I've been patiently waiting to get a book on how to commit suicide from the library but the last guy still hasn't brought it back.

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  • "The very existence of libraries affords the best evidence that we may yet have hope for the future of man. "
    - T.S. Eliot

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  • A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on how to commit suicide.
    The librarian says "Yeh, I think we do, it should be at the back row on the top shelf".
    The man goes and looks, even climbs a ladder to look at the top but still can't find it.
    "Still no luck" says the man.
    The librarian replies "Oh, the last person who borrowed it mustn't have brought it back"

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  • I went to my local library to look for a book on small penises
    With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small penises?"
    she replied "It isn't in yet"
    I said "Yeah, that's the one!"

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  • Someone broke into the school library and stole all the book shelves, the police say its a textbook case.

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  • I was a bookkeeper for 10 years… the local libraries weren’t too happy about it.

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  • I went to the library today to find a new book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat, that went on a road trip together. The librarian said "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it is there or not?"

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  • I couldn’t get a reservation at the local library.
    Know why?
    …wait for it…
    They were fully booked!

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  • Got a book from the library on Stockholm Syndrome. Didn't like it at first, but by the end I thought it was great.

    * * * * *


  • I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.

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  • I tried to make a reservation at the library, but couldn’t. Turns out, they’re completely booked!

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  • My mate Dave went to our local library yesterday.
    “Hello I wonder if you can help me” said Dave to the librarian “I’d like to borrow a book about the discovery of Electromagnetic induction.”
    “Faraday?” replied the librarian
    “No” said Dave “I'm a slow reader, two weeks would be better.”

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  • A new tennis player goes to the library and asks for books about aces. "No way", says the librarian, "you won't return them".

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  • "The very existence of libraries affords the best evidence that we may yet have hope for the future of man."
    ~T.S. Eliot

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  • What building in New York has the most stories?
    The Public Library.

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  • The library book that was left outside overnight is now over dew.

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  • I went into the Library and said "I'm looking for a book on how to let customers down politely."
    The librarian said, "I'm terribly sorry sir but I can't help you with that."
    I said 'Yes, that's the one."

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  • Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said “Sshhhhhh!” I asked “is that all lower case?”

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  • I asked the librarian if they had any books on fire.

    He said, "We've just put them out."

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  • So I asked the Librarian: "Do you have Great Expectations?"
    She said: "I did but ended up working in a library".

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  • "If you have a garden and a library,
    you have everything you need."
    ~ Cicero

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  • I’m looking for a book on how to fix automatic gearboxes, but the library only has manuals.

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  • A guy asked a girl in a university library:
    "Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
    The girl replied with a loud voice:
    "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
    All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said:
    "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
    The guy then responded with a loud voice:
    “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!”
    All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy
    whispered in her ear:
    "I study law, and I know how to screw people".

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  • Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn't get my 'overdue' joke.

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  • A man walks into a library and asks for a bottle of milk. The librarian says “this is a library!”. The man whispers “sorry, a bottle of milk, please”.

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  • I was a bookkeeper for 10 years.

    The local library wasn’t too happy about it.

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  • Prison libraries have their prose
    and cons.

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  • Mark Zuckerberg went to the Library to ask if they have a book on Faces.

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  • Just a quick reminder, anyone that's recived a book from me for Christmas, they're due back at the library by the 21st.

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  • A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian says, “It rings a bell, but I don’t know whether it’s there or not”

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  • A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”

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  • I asked the librarian If they had any books on different Noise levels.
    The librarian says, "Sure, what volume would you like?".

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  • I was at the library the other day when I found a book called "The Power of Positive Thinking."
    I thought "What good could that do?" so I put it back.

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  • My librarian wife is very good at planning our vacations.
    She knows how to book a trip.

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  • I asked the librarian for a books on Frank Sinatra. She said "we've got a few...but then again...to few to mention."

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  • Went into the library this morning and I asked the woman there for a book about turtles. 'Hardback?' she asked. I nodded 'Yeah, and little heads.

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  • I've just got a new job as a Barbarian.

    It's just like being a librarian, but I also cut hair.

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  • I wonder why when you start screaming in a library people just stare and tut but when you do the same on a plane they all join in.

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  • A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, "Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?"
    The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"

    The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?"

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  • What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
    "Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
    "Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
    "No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
    "Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

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  • Why isn't there a clock in the library?

    Because it tocks too much.

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  • Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world?
    A: The library, because it has so many stories.

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  • I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat...
    She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

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  • I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
    Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

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  • The tallest building in my city is the library because it has the most stories.

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  • They’re adding a second floor to the local library building.....
    But that’s another story

    * * * * *


  • I haven't seen a lot of programming languages but I think python is pretty Intelligent
    Cause it has a lot of libraries🤔

    * * * * *


  • Caribbean male pickup lines: They are Punny!
    I hope you came with a library card because I need to borrow you.
    Is your name Google? You have everything I am looking for.
    Hold me tight girl and feel the boyfriend material.
    I am walking behind you because my mama told me to follow my dreams.
    Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk in front of you again?
    (While rubbing eyes) Girl, something is wrong with my eyes, I just can’t take them off you.
    You are like the Great Wall of China, I just can’t get over you.
    You remind me of a lobster, all the meat is in your tail.
    I heard that you are good in math, can you replace my X without asking Y?
    You must come from ISIS because you are the bomb!
    I was feeling a little off, but you turned me back on.
    I want to be a gardener so that I can plant my tulips on your tulips.

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  • I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
    She replied: "They're right behind you!!".😮

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  • My penis was briefly in the Guinness book of world records, until I got caught by the librarian.

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More library jokes on the following pages...