Hilarious jokes about PIRATES that will make your day 🤪!



What did the pirate captain say when he caught his first mate hiding a rooster in his treasure chest?
**Get yer cock out of me booty!**

- Random starter pirate groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • How did the pirate quit smoking?
    He used the patch.

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  • Did you hear about the pirate that quit smoking... he used the patch.

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  • Did you hear about the pirate that got upset every time his ship floated away...
    ...he had to take anchor management classes!

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  • Q: Why do pirates have a hard time remembering the alphabet?
    A: Because they always get lost at C!

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  • What’s a Pirate’s favourite letter?
    If you thought R you’d be wrong. Everyone knows a true pirates first love is always the C.

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  • Did you hear about the pirate that quit smoking... he used the patch.

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  • How did the pirate get the flag at such a low price ?

    He got it on sail.

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  • Q: Why is a woman with no breasts a pirate's delight?
    A: Because she has a sunken chest. 🏴‍☠️🦜

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  • A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.
    He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
    A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir,Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
    The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
    A week passes and he receives another parcel and note Dear Sir,Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
    The man is incandescent with rage now because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.
    A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter: Dear Sir,Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

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  • I watched a pirate copy of Bohemian Rhapsody. I think it was filmed in the cinema.
    I saw a little silhouetto of a man.

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  • Q: Why do pirates have a hard time remembering the alphabet?
    A: Because they always get lost at C!

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  • Why was the pirate so good at boxing?...
    He had a vicious right hook!

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  • Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
    A: They were both shot in a theater.

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  • What’s a Pirate’s favourite letter?
    If you thought R you’d be wrong. Everyone knows a true pirates first love is always the C.

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  • How does a pirate greet his ex wife?
    Ahore.

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  • When I was single I always felt like a pirate.
    I'd start by looking for wenches with a good chest, but always ended up distracted by their booty.

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  • Fun Fact!
    Did you know that 3.14%
    of all sailors are pirates?

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  • Why does the Pirates of The Caribbean DVD have a piracy warning?

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  • A pirate awkwardly stumbles into a bar.
    Bartender: What's wrong?

    Pirate: Aye, a scallywag shoved me boat's steering wheel down me pants and it's stuck there in me crotch!

    Bartender: That sounds painful.

    Pirate: Aye, it's a driving me nuts.

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  • Why can’t a pirate go to a orgy?
    Because he wants all the booty for himself.

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  • What’s a pirate and a pimp’s worst nightmare?
    Sunken chest, and no booty.

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  • What is a necrophiliac pirate's favorite hobby?
    Diggin' for booty.

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  • What did the pirate captain say when he caught his first mate hiding a rooster in his treasure chest?
    **Get yer cock out of me booty!**

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  • What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
    Aye matey.

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  • What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
    A rookie!

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  • Did you hear about the pirate that got upset every time his ship floated away...
    ...he had to take anchor management classes!

    * * * * *


  • I wonder if Somalis ever listen to Pirate Radio?

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  • How do you train to be a pirate?
    You have to attend a semin-arrrgh.

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  • Liars tend not make eye contact, which is why I don't trust pirates half the time.

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  • What's a pirate's favorite letter?

    P.
    It's like R, but missing a leg.

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  • How much do pirates pay for piercings?
    Just a buck an ear.

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  • A pirate swaggers into a bar with a ship's wheel sticking out of his pants. One of the bar's patrons walked up to him and said "Pardon me, is that a ship's wheel?" The pirate replied, "Arrgh, it's drivin' me nuts."

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  • What do pirates use to decorate their ship for Christmas?
    Garrr-land.

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  • The pirate ship crewed by cats would have been more successful...
    but ther was a mewtiny.

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  • Q: What do you get when you cross a pirate with a pedophile?
    A: Arrrrrr Kelly.

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  • What the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?

    One buries his treasure, and the other treasures his berries!

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  • How did the pirate quit smoking?
    He used the patch.

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  • I found a pirate ship really cheap!
    it was on sail!

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More pirates jokes on the following pages...