Hilarious quotes and jokes about POWER that will make your day 🤪!



The greatest power is not money power, but political power.
-Walter Annenberg

- Random starter power groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • Molly: you remind me of a man
    Polly: what man?
    Molly: the man with the power
    Polly: what power?
    Molly: the power of voodoo
    Polly: oo doo?
    Molly: you do
    Polly: do what?
    Molly: remind me of a man...

    * * * * *


  • MONEY CAN'T BUY LOVE
    but it sure gives more bargaining power...

    * * * * *


  • And so Atheist cant solve an exponential equation...😏 They dont believe in high power😇

    * * * * *


  • Q: Why did the PowerPoint Presentation cross the road?
    A: To get to the other slide.

    * * * * *


  • I was at the library the other day when I found a book called "The Power of Positive Thinking."
    I thought "What good could that do?" so I put it back.

    * * * * *



  • Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
    "What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
    Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
    Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you retard. It tells me that some bastard has stolen our tent!"

    * * * * *


  • Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
    They don't believe in higher powers. ☠

    * * * * *


  • Have you ever seen me tie my shoelaces with the power of my mind?
    I thought knot.

    * * * * *


  • Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers. 👨‍🔬

    * * * * *


  • Once, in a faraway land, there was this doctor who was a professional trickster...
    This doctor was quite popular, but he had a big, bad secret; he deceives people. How? Well, let's just say a patient walks into his office with an illness. The doctor, after doing some checkups, gives his prescription for a medicine, which he even gives for free. It turns out, however, that the medicine actually makes the illness *worse*. Then, when they go back to the doctor, he prescribes a real medication for an absurd price. This strategy has given him tons of cash over the years with no suspicions. That is, until now.

    Scientists have run checks over his "medicine" and discovered the truth. The doctor is jailed for his crimes and is scheduled to be killed via electric chair at midnight.

    But, when the doctor sits on the electric chair, something happens. The officer assigned to flip the electric switch to do away with the criminal is flabbergasted at how the doctor is surviving the shocks at max power. Other officers witnessed this, and finally, on the next afternoon, he is freed from all charges due to this paranormal happening.

    Unfortunately, the doctor is at it again, tricking his customers. His patients are more mad than ever, and due to a mob of angry, sick civilians, the doctor is jailed and scheduled to be subjected to the wrath of the electric chair at midnight *again*.

    But alas! At the stroke of midnight, although the flashes of electricity emanating from the execution room lighted the correctional facility, the doctor did not perish. They released him again in absolute bafflement.

    As you may have guessed by now, the doctor continues to scam and sicken his clients. After a month, the whole world has been in outrage over the reign of this infamous doctor. The police reluctantly capture him and schedule him for the old midnight execution drill. Again.

    This time, however, during the time of the execution, a stadium of people have come to watch the doctor get electrocuted like a fly in front of their eyes, including the leader of the country's police force. They flip the switch...

    The doctor survives. The crowd goes silent.

    The chief policeman struts over to the poor doctor and asks him, "How the singular crap are you surviving?! That was literally over a thousand damnable volts! And no, don't give me that 'I'm a bad conductor' line because I have heard that repost a million times on r/Jokes."

    The doctor, blackened but very much alive, says, "Yeah, that's not it. I'm a bad con doctor."

    * * * * *


  • What do you call a flower that runs on electricity?
    A power plant! 🌷

    * * * * *


  • Measurement Humor:
    Ratio of igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
    Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarse power
    Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon
    365 days drinking lo-cal beer = 1 lite year
    2000 pounds of Chinese soup = won ton
    10 rations = decoration
    2 doctors = paradox
    Time between slipping and hitting the pavement = 1 bananosecond

    * * * * *


  • A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
    After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool..The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, .."See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!".She is aching for action at this point...Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door...He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?".She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

    * * * * *


  • "Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power."
    -Oscar Wilde

    * * * * *


  • And so Atheist cant solve an exponential equation...😏 They dont believe in high power😇

    * * * * *


  • Sonia Gandhi met the Queen of England in her palace

    Sonia: "Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in power, the way you have been for so long?"

    "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

    Sonia frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me
    are intelligent?"

    The Queen: "Easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

    The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "David Cameron, would you come in here, please?"

    David Cameron walked into the room and said, "Yes, ma'am?"

    The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

    Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, "That would be me, ma'am."

    "Very good! Thank you, David !" said the Queen.

    Then she turned to Sonia with a smile and said "See?"

    Now its Sonia's turn to apply the same logic....

    Sonia went back to India and asked Rahul..
    "Rahul , answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

    "I'm not sure," said Rahul Gandhi . "Let me get back to you on that one..."

    Rahul Gandhi went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer...

    Finally, he ran into Narendra Modi and asked, "Narendrabhai, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"..

    Narendra Modi answered, "That's easy, it's me!"..

    Rahul said, "Thanks!"

    *Then he went back to Sonia. "I did some thinking and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Narendra Modi*..."😎

    *Sonia slapped him*....
    and *shouted* ..
    "No ! *You dumb idiot! It's David Cameron*.

    * * * * *


  • Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

    * * * * *


  • Q: What do you call a battery powered air conditionner?
    A: DC-AC.

    * * * * *


  • Molly: you remind me of a man
    Polly: what man?
    Molly: the man with the power
    Polly: what power?
    Molly: the power of voodoo
    Polly: oo doo?
    Molly: you do
    Polly: do what?
    Molly: remind me of a man...

    * * * * *


  • An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.

    They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
    Butter - 10 francs.

    In response, the lady added a sign to her own window:
    Butter - 9 francs.

    The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign:
    Butter - 8 francs.
    Sure enough, the day after the lady's sign now read:
    Butter - 7 francs.

    This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady's customers pointed to the sign and said,

    “Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete."

    In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered,

    "Monsieur, I don't even sell butter."

    * * * * *


  • We call my Grandad Spider-Man. It's not because he has special powers, it's because he can't get out the bath.

    * * * * *


  • I asked my hairdresser what cut would make me look pretty. A power cut was not the answer I was looking for.

    * * * * *


  • What is a psychologist's most powerful weapon?
    The shrink ray.

    * * * * *


  • I was at the library the other day when I found a book called "The Power of Positive Thinking."
    I thought "What good could that do?" so I put it back.

    * * * * *


  • Why did the tree install solar panels?
    It wanted to be a power plant.

    * * * * *


  • I hate school – oh so ethical
    No admittance – contaminated
    Austin Powers – power us satin
    George Bush – he grew bogus
    Grand Old Party – Portly Grandad

    * * * * *


  • I deleted Great Britain in my powerpoint presentation about countries.

    I freed 1GB.

    * * * * *


  • Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

    Officer: Age?

    Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays.

    Officer: Height?

    Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

    OFFICER : Weight?

    Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

    OFFICER : Color of eyes?

    Husband: Sort of brown I think.

    OFFICER : Color of hair?

    Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.

    OFFICER : What was she wearing?

    Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

    OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?

    Husband: She went in my truck.

    OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?

    Husband : A 2017, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 .with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera,
    Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch,
    sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires.
    It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
    At this point the husband started choking up.

    OFFICER : Take it easy sir, We'll find your truck.

    * * * * *


  • I remember sitting in a cell, charged with battery when it wasn’t my volt.
    “I’m positive,” I said. “Wire my here? I wanna go ohm.” I felt drained, powerless.
    It still hertz like it was yesterday.
    😊

    * * * * *


  • King Midas wasn't always happy with his special power. He lost many friends and a few pets. All his life he was racked with gilt.

    * * * * *


  • “Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty.”
    ― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago

    * * * * *


  • If you are swayed by the power of suede have you been persueded?

    * * * * *


  • Why did the gardener plant light bulbs?
    She wanted to grow a power plant.

    * * * * *


  • While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter I was on lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in a lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest and jerked open the exit door.
    "Don't jump!" the pilot called out. "This thing is supposed to float!"
    As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to fly too!"

    * * * * *


  • Yo mama is so stupid she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “ i’ve got the power “

    * * * * *


  • Why are electricians not called Power Rangers?

    * * * * *


  • I'm not a Huey Lewis fan, but I go to their concerts because my wife likes them.

    That's the power of love.

    * * * * *


  • Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.

    - Rudyard Kipling

    * * * * *


  • “The measure of a man is what he does with power.’’
    — Plato

    * * * * *


  • Not so famous final words...
    1. It's fireproof.
    2. He's probably just hibernating.
    3. What does this button do?
    4. Are you sure the power is off?
    5. The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
    6. Pull the pin and count to what?
    7. Which wire was I supposed to cut?
    8. I wonder where the mother bear is.
    9. I've seen this done on TV.
    10. These are the good kind of mushrooms.
    11. What duck?
    12. Let it down slowly.
    13. I can do that with my eyes closed.
    14. I can make this light before it changes.
    15. Nice doggie.

    * * * * *


  • Scientists are trying to find ways of harnessing more power from the sun but it wont happen overnight.

    * * * * *


  • Someone crashed into a power pole. Something tells me they won't take that line down.

    * * * * *


  • MONEY CAN'T BUY LOVE
    but it sure gives more bargaining power...

    * * * * *


  • Q: Why did the PowerPoint Presentation cross the road?
    A: To get to the other slide.

    * * * * *


  • My wife asked if she had any annoying habits and then got all offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

    * * * * *


  • I'm like a superhero with no powers or motivation.

    * * * * *


  • It's all well and good until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.

    * * * * *


  • "The measure of a man is what he does with power."
    - Plato

    * * * * *


  • My true power as a mother comes from being the household candy dealer.

    * * * * *


  • Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

    * * * * *


  • The only way to predict the future is to have power to shape the future.
    - Eric Hoffer.

    * * * * *


  • Creativity is the power to connect the seemingly unconnected.
    -William Plomer.

    * * * * *


  • The greatest power is not money power, but political power.
    -Walter Annenberg

    * * * * *


  • If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.
    -Peace Pilgrim

    * * * * *


  • Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
    - Robert A. Heinlein.

    * * * * *


  • Power doesn't corrupt people, people corrupt power.
    - William Gaddis

    * * * * *


  • The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.
    -Alice Walker

    * * * * *


  • “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
    ― Oscar Wilde

    * * * * *


  • “I wonder if fears ever really go away, or if they just lose their power over us.”
    ― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

    * * * * *


  • “Knowledge is power. Power to do evil...or power to do good. Power itself is not evil. So knowledge itself is not evil.”
    ― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

    * * * * *


  • “Recognizing power in another does not diminish your own.”
    ― Joss Whedon

    * * * * *


  • “The measure of a man is what he does with power.”
    ― Plato

    * * * * *


  • “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.”
    ― Margaret Thatcher

    * * * * *


  • “It's all mirror, mirror on the wall because beauty is power the same way money is power the same way a gun is power.”
    ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

    * * * * *


  • “You should never ask anyone for anything. Never- and especially from those who are more powerful than yourself.”
    ― Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita

    * * * * *


  • Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
    -Abraham Lincoln

    * * * * *


  • Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
    -Lord Acton

    * * * * *


  • You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
    - Marcus Aurelius

    * * * * *


  • The strong is not the one who is physically powerful, but indeed, the one who controls himself when angry.
    -Muhammad

    * * * * *


  • Authority, power, and wealth do not change a man; they only reveal him.
    -Ali ibn Abi Talib

    * * * * *



More power quotes and jokes on the following pages...