Hilarious jokes about TV that will make your day 🤪!



My wife is saying she’ll divorce me because of my obsession with television dramas.

But will she leave me?

Find out next week...

- Random starter TV groaner from Adminus Anonimous, the fun manager.

Сrazy people telling jokes are ready for fun



  • Our local TV weatherman has reacted angrily after being sacked for giving too many gloomy, frosty weather forecasts.
    No more mist and ice guy...

    * * * * *


  • A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and
    suddenly yells "Don't enter that church, you daft cunt , its a trap!!''

    His wife asks him ''What are you watching ?''
    Husband replies
    "Our wedding video"

    * * * * *


  • I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.

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  • The ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to 'laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series' as a "marathon".

    * * * * *


  • What is an ovary’s favorite type of TV show?
    Period dramas.

    * * * * *



  • A recent study revealed that Americans watch more television than any other appliance.

    * * * * *


  • Our local TV weatherman has reacted angrily after being sacked for giving too many gloomy, frosty weather forecasts.
    No more mist and ice guy...

    * * * * *


  • If the TV show "Cops" taught me anything, it's to stay away from people with blurry faces.
    They always seem to attract trouble.

    * * * * *


  • I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to 'laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series' as a "marathon".

    * * * * *


  • The ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to 'laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series' as a "marathon".

    * * * * *


  • I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called brightness, but it doesn’t work!

    * * * * *


  • Some people are like an old tv set, they need to be slapped a couple of times to get the picture.

    * * * * *


  • People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio.

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  • Oxymorons .....
    1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
    2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
    3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
    4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
    5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
    6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
    7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
    8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
    9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
    10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
    11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
    12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
    13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
    14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
    15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
    16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
    17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
    18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
    19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
    20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
    21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
    22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
    23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
    24 Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
    25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
    26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
    27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
    28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?

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  • What is an ovary’s favorite type of TV show?
    Period dramas.

    * * * * *


  • My gf and I watched 3 movies back to back the other nite. I said next time she can be the one facing the TV .

    * * * * *


  • I just heard that NBC canceled plans for a new TV series based around the lives of staff at American Airlines and their passengers.
    The pilot failed to take off.

    * * * * *


  • The other day I saw a pigeon and a blackbird sitting on a tv aerial in peace and harmony.
    I thought why can’t two men live like that.
    Then I realised that a tv aerial couldn’t take their weight.

    * * * * *


  • A father and son are watching TV together when a sex scene comes on.
    'Well son, time for bed now' the father says
    'But Dad, I'm 15 now' the son complains
    The father replies 'I don't care how old you are you are not watching me masturbate'

    * * * * *


  • Teacher to pupil,
    Where's the English Channel?
    Pupil, I don't know,
    My TV doesn't pick it up.

    * * * * *


  • I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.

    * * * * *


  • When the lockdown started, all I did was masturbate and watch TV all day.
    After 3 weeks it got awkward and my coworkers decided to tell me how to turn my camera off on Zoom.

    * * * * *


  • -What type of TV do squirrels watch?
    - Nut-flix.

    * * * * *


  • My missus is leaving me because of my obsession with TV Police dramas...

    For the benefit of the tape, she just left the room!

    * * * * *


  • I'm helping put together a good fishing TV show.
    At the moment we're concentrating on getting the Cast right.

    * * * * *


  • My wife is threatening to leave me due to my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.

    More on this after the break.

    * * * * *


  • My wife is saying she’ll divorce me because of my obsession with television dramas.

    But will she leave me?

    Find out next week...

    * * * * *


  • Dont be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.
    Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

    * * * * *


  • A word of advice: don't drink while you're wrapping presents. Also, if anyone gets an old TV remote for Christmas, please send it back to me.

    * * * * *


  • Q: Teacher: Where is the English Channel?
    A: Student: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up!

    * * * * *


  • This should be posted in every school or kid's bedroom. (11) RULES KIDS WILL NOT LEARN IN SCHOOL.
    *Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
    *Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
    *Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
    *Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
    ... *Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
    *Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. *Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you think you are: So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
    *Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HASN'T. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
    *Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF -that's for your own time.
    *Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. *Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one! ~Most recent rendition written by Charles J. Sykes... So if you can read this... Thank a Teacher. If you can read this in English... Thank a Soldier! And for life and everything else you have... Thank God & your parents!! Now.... think about this and smile and feel free to repost if you choose!

    * * * * *


  • Nothing is made in America anymore. My new TV has a sticker that says “Built In Antenna.” I don’t even know where that is.

    * * * * *


  • My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with TV dramas.😮
    Will she leave?
    Find out next week..🤔

    * * * * *


  • I started watching a new show about terrible DIY advice.
    I'm now glued to the television.

    * * * * *


  • I’m not saying my son is ugly…But on Halloween he went to tell the neighbors to turn down their TV and they gave him some candy.

    * * * * *


  • A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and
    suddenly yells "Don't enter that church, you daft cunt , its a trap!!''

    His wife asks him ''What are you watching ?''
    Husband replies
    "Our wedding video"

    * * * * *


  • Q: What is a duck's favourite tv show?
    A: A duck-u-mentary.

    * * * * *


  • A priest booking into a hotel says " I hope that the porn channel on TV is disabled " " No, it`s normal porn you sick bastard ! "

    * * * * *


  • I saw an advert on tv for coconut shampoo !
    Who on earth would want to wash a coconut? 🤔

    * * * * *


  • I bought the president of Brazil an Apple TV for the holiday.
    And all he got me was an Amazon fire.

    * * * * *


  • Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it at a remote location.

    * * * * *


  • I once told a joke about a tv aerial but it didn’t get a very good reception 📺

    * * * * *


  • Just heard on the TV that humans eat more bananas than monkeys..
    Not surprised really, can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. 🙊🙉🙈

    * * * * *


  • Work vs Jail
    In prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8’ x 10’cell.
    At work, I spend most of my time in a 6’ x 6’ cube.
    In prison they get three meals a day.
    At work I only get a break for one meal and I have to pay for that one.
    In prison you get time off for good behavior.
    At work I get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
    At work I must wear an ID badge at all times.
    In prison they provide you with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn onto the clothes.
    At work there is a dress standard but I must buy my own clothes.
    In prison there is a dress standard, but they supply the clothes.
    At work I must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors myself.
    In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for me.
    In prison they can watch TV and play games.
    At work I can get fired for watching TV and playing games.
    In prison they will pay my way through school to learn a new career and give me time to do it.
    At work they will pay for my education but I must do it on my own time.
    In prison they have exercise rooms that they allow you to use almost whenever you want.
    At work we have an exercise room that you can use but it must be on your time.
    In prison I can fall asleep on the job and no serious consequences comes from my actions.
    At work if I fall asleep on the job I get put on the next RIF list.
    In prison they ball and chain you when you go somewhere.
    At work you are just ball and chained.
    In prison you have full medical coverage with no deductibles.
    At work, you get partial coverage and pay all the deductibles.
    In prison all expenses are paid by the tax payer, with no work on their part.
    At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then deduct the taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

    * * * * *



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